Despite
Mother Nature's best attempt at cutting my life short the night before, we
successfully made it to our next port of call, Barcelona, Spain. Conversation on the ship that morning
ultimately centered around the events from the night before. A couple of interesting facts/stories I was
privy too:
·
One woman I spoke with told me that she had been
on 58 cruises and that was the worst weather she had ever seen. I'm not sure what impressed me more, the fact
that she had been on 58 cruises or that that was the worst weather she had ever
encountered.
·
After asking my waiter (who has been on hundreds
of cruises) if he had ever experienced such bad weather, he told me that he had
only once. That night many people
actually thought their ship was going to capsize and it was followed by the
captain being the first one off the ship at the next port and I'm guessing
heading to the unemployment line.
·
Said waiter telling me that the previous night
they had between $400,000-$600,000 in broken dishes in the main dining
room. To put that in perspective, a ship
that size usually has $40,000 in breakage in a month!
With last
night's storm and the previous couple days' crappy weather still fresh on our
minds, it was a welcome relief to step off the ship in Barcelona and be greeted
by sunny skies. Downtown Barcelona and
its famed tourist-pedestrian street, La Rambla were only a short bus ride
away. While waiting for the bus, a
gentleman from our bus who was in line behind us had a stroke and was whisked
away for medical attention. Sadly, I had
a feeling that he was not the first, nor would he be the last person on our
two-week jaunt to have a heart malfunction.
Strolling
around what is arguably one of Europe's most famous streets, Colleen caught
sight out what she felt would be the perfect place for us to explore: The
Erotic Museum. Inside the museum we were
greeted to all sorts of random stuff from the world of erotica. With that being said, we strapped on our
audio guides and made our way through a lovely collection including; gigantic
wooden penises, Playboy cover collections, bondage gear, a viewing of the first
pornographic film ever made in Spain (more disgusting that erotic), and well,
you get the idea. The part of the museum
that really piqued my interest though was the part where they listed some of
the sexual world records. You can never
be too sure when you may need to know how big the world's largest gangbang was
or that the longest ejaculation on record is 5.71 meters!
Feeling
slimy and filthy from seeing too much porn and naked pictures involving fat
people, I was glad to be out of the museum and back to the slightly-less
sexualized world of the streets of Barcelona.
Apparently, the local bird population felt that I was not slimy enough
and one of its members decided to take a gigantic shit that landed perfectly on
top of my head and managed to run all down my coat and back. The irony in this was that Colleen and I the
previous day had been reminiscing about all the times we had been hit by flying
turds from our avian friends (such are the conversations we have). Following a frantic search for somewhere to
take a Portuguese shower (see: cleanse yourself in a sink), I found a
McDonalds, although by this point the feces had already started to harden. It goes without saying that Colleen enjoyed
every minute of watching my futile attempt to remove the crap. Finally giving up and deciding that the new
white streaks looked nice in my hair, Colleen decided, as per usual, that some
shopping was in order. We also managed
to squeeze in a visit to one of the many tapas restaurants, although in
true-European fashion, every one of the tapas restaurants on La Rambla is owned
and staffed by Asians. Before heading
back to the ship, Colleen managed to convince me to get a caricature drawn of
the two of us. Within a few minute or
two, we had a solid crowd around us laughing at our portrait as it was being
illustrated. I must say, I believe the
artist captured the essence of my schlong perfectly. Having said that, I am now extremely
self-conscious about the size of my nose!
That night
our onboard entertainment was a comedienne/singer, although for most people in
the theatre it appeared that she was a hypnotist. Having a show that starts at 10:45pm when you
have a boat full of seniors citizens is
just begging for everyone to KO. And KO
they did! Much more entertaining to
myself than actually watching the performer was looking around the audience and
seeing people in various states of slumber.
Given my penchant for sleeping, I could tell that this just might be my
type of crowd.
~Brentski~
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