Day 49 (January 6, 2013)- Fish Feeding; Boring. Cow Feeding; Fun. Ostrich Feeding; Downright Terrifying!

Holy shit!  I couldn't believe it; we woke up in the morning and we weren't carried away by a pack of killer Thai ants.  Yup, Colleen survived her first night in Thailand and as luck would it have her excessive use of bug spray the night before apparently kept all of the ants away from our bed.  Well, it was either the spray or the fact that she made me march around in my candy cane adorned underwear for a solid hour killing every ant and anything that resembled an ant (see: pieces of dust, cookie crumbs, etc).  The wifey also got the chance to talk to her Mom back home via Skype which I think was good for her in helping her to get over her homesickness.  This of course led to me having to figure out what to do with our day, cause hey, that's what men are for.

After some very serious research (okay, maybe I just flipped through a couple pages in a guidebook), I decided to inquire with the woman working at the front desk of our hostel about getting to a place known as Amphawa.  Amphawa was home to one of several floating markets that surround Bangkok.  Apparently, it was not as touristy and overrun by middle-aged blotchy-skinned Europeans as some of the other more popular floating markets.  After some initial language confusion between myself and the woman at the front desk, she wrote out the word "Amphawa" for me on a piece of paper in Thai and gave me walking directions to the nearby mini-bus depot.  I just love saying "Amphawa".  So now you find yourself asking;

Q: What is a floating market? 

A: Wikipedia (cause let's be real, Wikipedia is never wrong) defines a floating market as "a market where goods are sold from boats. Originating in times and places where water transport played an important role in daily life, most floating markets operating today mainly serve as tourist attractions, and are chiefly found in Thailand, Indonesia, and Vietnam."

Q: What is a mini-bus and what the bejesus do they do?

A:In Thailand and throughout much of southeast Asia, mini-buses and vans are a common form of transport used to get people places.  They traditionally hold anywhere from 9-12 passengers, although often times they like to pile as many people in to the vehicle as humanly possible.  Mini-buses are often times the cheapest form of transportation to get somewhere that might be viewed as "long distance".  They can be extremely uncomfortable, ridiculously awkward, and you will find the most ridiculous mish-mash of people, both Thai and foreigners all catching a ride together.

Mini-bus terminal in Bangkok. One of many I am most sure.

Best part of Thailand: cheap slushies and smoothies at every corner!

Clutching our little piece of paper with one Thai word written on it (could have said "Penis Licker" for all I know) we made our way over to the mini-bus terminal and found a gentleman who assured us he could get us to our destination.  He rounded us up and directed us to his company's ticket window where we each bought our tickets for under $3 Canadian.  The girl at the ticket window pointed for us to sit down and we did just that cause really what else where we going to do, as there were mini-busses whizzing all around us.  About half an hour later, the ticket girl started snapping her fingers at us and pointed to one of the vans.  We ran over and handed to the driver our ticket and hoped we were boarding the bus for "Amphawa" and not "Penis Licker".  Colleen and I had to sit in the very front of the van with the driver, and it made for a very uncomfortable 1.5 hour drive.  How exactly the companies make any money charging people less than $3 for 1.5 hours of transport in a van I will never know.  But hey, not my problem!

Is this the famous floating market?

After what seemed like an eternity, we were let off at the Amphawa mini-bus station, which was actually nothing more than a folding table at the side of the road with a few people kind of lazing about.  As mentioned above, the floating market is actually a series of vendors who sell various foods and things from their boats, but that did not get under way until dinner time.  During the day though, there were lots of shops and alleyways to explore along the banks of the river and surrounding area.  There were hundreds of shops crammed neck in neck with thousands of people selling a wide variety of foods and knick-knacks useless shit. My purchases that I was most proud of for the day were a ball of cotton candy ($0.35) and a corn on the cob that was cooked on what appeared to be a piece of an old dirty tin roof ($0.35).  I figured I might as well get my bout of food poisoning out of my system right away. 

No way, this corn selling station passed any health regulations.

As long as the corn is Deeeee-licious who really cares!?

I tried a few other mystery treats before we sauntered into a fellow who was offering boat rides for less than $2.  Jackpot!  Colleen and I both figured that the since it was so cheap we would probably be going on a 10 or 15 minute boat ride up and down the canal, and that would be that.  Boy, were we wrong.  After waiting about 20 minutes for our shoeless and toothless boat tour salesman to round up other unsuspecting souls, we ventured out into the water for what would end up being an almost three hour excursion.  After cruising out of the initial area surrounding all the shops, we were led to a variety of different stops all along the shoreline in the surrounding area.  Without going into excruciating details, I will say that we saw many temples and monks (both real and mechanical) and fed a wide variety of animals, including cows, fish, camels, ostriches (evil sonsofabitches), and satanic goats.  I lost count, but I think we made around ten different stops at all these random places, and by the end I was getting worried that Colleen and I might miss the last bus back to Bangkok. Thankfully, our boat driver did lead us back to the night market, which was now lit up as it was after dark.  It truly was an amazing sight, and one of those sights that really makes you appreciate going to new places and seeing these things. 

John C. Reilly said it best, "Boats N Hoes".

Mechanical Buddha just looking for some handouts. Respect.

Cows cute and innocent.

Goats, friendly enough if you happen to be a young child.

Ostriches...straight fuckin' evil!

Tress and clouds.  At least that's what I think the kids are calling them these days.

After snapping a few pictures, Colleen and I headed back to the bus station folding table and luckily just caught the last bus back to Bangkok for the night.  We were fortunate enough this time not to have to sit with the driver and both of us promptly passed out in the back.  Dinner was once again had at Jeffer Steak, because quite frankly we both love our "home food" aka "fat food".  Back at the hostel there were no ants to be seen in the room, which I must assume was because we had previously killed every ant within a 100 yard radius of our room with our potent bug spray the night before.   Sweet dreams!

Floating market at night.

 

Class act of a bus station if I ever saw one.

~Brentski~

Day 48 (January 5, 2013)- Well At Least Colleen Can Say She Stayed In ONE Hostel On Her Trip...

After dumping the rest of our Yen on typically crappy over-priced airport food (worldwide thing) in Tokyo, it was now time for Colleen and I to leave the expensive confines of Japan and make our way to Thailand, and what should hopefully be not as strenuous on the wallet.  Our flights to Bangkok were booked only a few days prior, so we went with the cheapest option available to us, which was to take and eight hour flight to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, settle in for a five hour layover, then continue on to Bangkok via a short two hour flight.  We were flying with Air Asia, which promotes itself as the world's number one low cost air carrier, although at $600 per ticket each for a one-way flight, I definitely didn't feel like we were getting that great of a deal!  Oh well, I was proud of the fact that I could now say I had been to Malaysia aka my first visit to a Muslim country (we ended up returning to the country on two other separate occasions on our trip.  Goes to show you how travel plans can change quite quickly).

Our flights all came and went with little drama and before we knew it we had arrived at the airport in Bangkok.  Once we disembarked from the plane, we were hustled along to Customs, where we were told by an official to stand in line with all the Chinese tourists.  I can only assume it was because of my Asian style hair.  After standing there for a while, we were then instructed by a different customs official that we were in fact in the wrong line and that we were to proceed to a different customs area as we had Canadian passports.  Great start we were off to!  After a fairly lengthy and confusing process, we were eventually given our 30-day visas and sent on our way.  Next order of business would be to find a cab and arrive peacefully at our hostel..cause it's always that easy!  

After waiting in the horrendously long cab line with hundreds of other foreigners, we eventually reached the front of the line and handed the girl a piece of paper with the name and address of our hostel.  She nodded as if to say "ok" and summoned a driver for us.  When the cabbie approached, they had a quick conversation in Thai, I assumed it was her telling him where to take us.  In fact, they may have been commenting on the weather or my ridiculously large eyebrows, because once we got in the cab it became clear that the driver had no idea where we were going.  The first thing you notice as soon as you arrive anywhere in Thailand is the fact that the King's picture is plastered everywhere.  It seemed as if 75% of the billboards on the way out of the airport were adorned with his picture.  To say they love their King would probably be the understatement of the century.  Shortly after departing the airport, we hit a couple of toll booths, which as I understood from the tourist books we would have to pay.  That was fine, except during both toll stops the driver pocketed the change from the toll operator after I gave him the money!  After we were through the tolls, our driver started yelling at us and it quickly became apparent he had no idea where our hostel was located.  Add in the fact that he was an angry motherfucker and spoke not one word of English and you have yourself an interesting situation.   The taxi driver from hell kept motioning for us to phone our accommodation, but I kept trying to use my best sign language to indicate that we didn't have a phone.  This went on for several minutes, and I could see that Colleen was starting to get extremely stressed out by the whole situation.  Eventually the cabbie used his own phone and called the place and wouldn't you know it we somehow arrived in one piece!  For all the stress we endured, it was nice to finally be out of Mr. Grumpy's cab.  It was also a welcome sign that a half-hour cab ride, plus the airport fee, plus him pocketing some of my cash, plus two toll booths amounted to less than $10.  Yup, we weren't in Japan anymore!

Colleen in the alleyway outside our uber-classy hostel.

 Our hostel (HI Mid Bangkok) was located down a side alley off of one of the main streets in the Victory Monument area of Bangkok.  This was Colleen's first ever time staying in a hostel, so I decided to book a pricier one by Thailand standards, with a private room and bathroom costing around $50 a night.  Having stayed in some pretty terrible hostels in my day, staying in a "modern, boutique hostel" was quite alright with me.  Colleen was going to need some time to warm to the idea of budget travel though, so we unpacked our bags and headed out into the city. 

Traffic around Victory Monument. Pictures can't do Bangkok traffic justice.

We ended up just exploring the area around Victory Monument and decided to eat our first meal in a not-so exotically named place known as Jeffer Steak.  What was completely foreign to me though was the pricing!  Steak dinners, pasta dishes, Asian food, you name it.  It could all be had for only a few bucks per meal.  This I could get used to.  One thing I also got introduced to and would become a lingering theme on our trip was the terrible customer service you would get in restaurants.  I am not one to normally whine and complain about restaurant service because I hate when people do it to me at my job, but to say a lot of the service in Thailand was appalling would be a vast understatement.  It was downright non-existent at times.  Rant over.  After enjoying our cheap and delicious dinner, we checked our Lonely Planet guidebook to see what was in the area as far as nightlife.  We ended up settling on going to some joint called the Saxophone Pub that was only a few minutes from our hostel.  The pricing ended up being atrocious (see: on par with North American bars) so we only stayed for a couple of drinks before heading on our merry way.  On the way back to the hostel, I stopped at one of Thailand's favorite institutions, the 7/11 and picked up four Chang Beers for $3.  Now that's more like it!  

Victory Monument. Looks like a giant sex toy to me.

Once back at the hostel, I was starting to get snuggled in to bed, when Colleen with her expertly trained eyes, spotted some ants in our room.  Now for those of you who don't know Colleen, let me just say this: she is deathly, and I mean deathly afraid of bugs.  I often think it's the main reason she still lives in the Arctic and puts up with me is because our bug season only lasts about 6 weeks of the year.  I have been called at work to come home and kill spiders.  Let's just say that every bug that finds its way into our apartment has the ability to cripple a grown woman with fear.  After closer inspection, we discovered that there was in fact a trail of ants coming in through the window and they had spread throughout our room.  Well, as you can imagine, this sent Colleen into hysterics, even after all of the diminutive creatures had been killed.  She broke down and proclaimed that she was not sure if she was going to be able to continue on this trip.  Me being the asshole that I am tried to remind her how small ants are and that bugs were going to be a fact of life in a tropical climate like Thailand. She didn't like that. Yup, not even twelve hours in the country and we had our first marital meltdown.  After checking the room numerous times and making sure that every ant was in fact deceased, we then sprayed the entire area around our bed with bed bug spray.  Precautionary measures in case the ant army tried to come in the middle of the night and carry us away.  Eventually Colleen did calm down enough to fall asleep, although it took lots of coaxing to reassure her that she would in fact be safe.  Yes, I'm a dick, I know.

It was a safe assumption that this was going to be the last hostel Colleen every stayed in and that our "accommodation budget" was going to be a little higher than I originally anticipated!

~Brentski~

Day 47 (January 4, 2013)- How Does The Dog Defecate If He's Wearing Jeans?

With our time in Japan drawing to a close, Colleen and I packed up our stuff and headed into the heart of Tokyo one more time where we had to plans to meet up with Kiel and Peter.  Seeing as how our flight to Bangkok wasn't scheduled to depart until around midnight that night, we had lots of time to kill.  The first order of business was trying to find somewhere to store  our luggage for the day, which turned out to be anything but an easy feat at Tokyo's central transit hub during the chaos of the holiday season.  Despite the fact that there were hundreds of lockers in the train station, they were all in use and it took a good half an hour of lingering around and waiting for the perfect opportunity to swoop in on someone opening their locker and quickly claiming it as our own.  Side note: Anyone looking for a new and profitable business opportunity may want to look into opening a "Japanese train station locker company".

Shit, Colleen just realized she is going to have to be living out of a backpack for the next two months.

The day with my brother (Kiel) and surrogate brother (Peter) started oddly enough when we went to a restaurant for lunch and had a middle-aged white chick as our waitress.  Not exactly something you see every day in Japan (or ever for that matter!).  After filling our stomachs we again attempted to head over to the Imperial Gardens for the third or fourth time since arriving in Tokyo.  Not surprisingly, they were still closed and we were forced yet again to take pictures from the outside and resign ourselves to the fact that we were not going to see Tokyo's number one tourist sight on this vacation.  

Peter, Kiel, and Colleen looking suave outside the Imperial Gardens.

Tokyo Tower and that weird sperm-shaped thing is the Asahi Beer Hall.

 Since the gardens were a no go, the four of us headed over to the part of the city where Kiel and Peter had spent the previous night.  We strolled around for a bit amongst the hordes of tourists and took some pictures of Tokyo Tower and the oddly shaped Asahi Beer Hall.  The real highlight of the neighborhood was our pursuit of a small storefront featuring some seemingly crazy dude who called himself "Inventor Man".   Peter had apparently stumbled across the store the day before and wanted to show it off to us.  Eventually we found the small store front that wasn't much bigger than a walk-in closet.  Outside we were greeted by some freaky mannequins, while inside we were welcomed by an overly enthusiastic man who was eager for us to play some of his games with him.  While there was a definite language barrier between us and "inventor man", this was easily made up by his love of beating the crap out of us at puzzles and intellect based games. A super-friendly guy who was genuinely nice: it just seems to be the way of the Japanese people!  

Peter with his friends outside "Inventor Shop".

Inventor Man schooling Kiel and I in the art of puzzles.

Since "Inventor Man" made me feel like my brain was not up to par, we decided to head back out onto the traditional tourist trail and just do as the masses were doing.  We made our way over to the Senso-ji Temple, another of Tokyo's famous landmarks.  Leading up to the temple from the subway station were tightly packed rows of vendors selling all sorts of useless crap (see: cyclops glasses that would be awesome for driving in) and an assortment of food (see: chocolate bananas aka orgasm in Brent's mouth).  Not surprisingly, just like every other temple we had encountered over the last week, this one was super packed and we were just not that eager to wait in line to get in.  So I did this next big thing...try to find the most ridiculous looking dog possible.  Mission accomplished!  Yes, I found a dog stylishly decked out in denim pants.  Fuckin' classic!

Nice shades.

Are those really chocolate bananas Colleen?!

The insane sea of humanity outside the Senso-ji Temple and surrounding area.

With the daylight hours starting to wind down, the four of us headed across the city as Kiel and Peter were about to do something they had not stopped talking about for the last week: make an Asian bukkake video   check in to a capsule hotel.  For those not in the know, capsule hotels are basically cheap hotels where a person doesn't have a room, but instead sleeps in a capsule or pod.  Many of them only allow men, and are apparently quite popular in Japan with suburban business men who do not want to go home to their wives for the evening after a hard night of boozing.  Just type in the words "capsule hotel" into Google and prepare to laugh your ass off.  Unfortunately, the capsule hotel where they were staying did not allow females inside, so Colleen and I could only watch from the entrance way as Kiel and Peter checked in to their new digs.  Once they were settled in, the four of us headed on one final excursion to the Tokyo Metropolitan Building, where we had plans to take the elevator to the top and get one final breath-taking view of Tokyo.  Naturally, this was a complete fail, as the lineup was excessively long and we did not have the time nor want to wait that long. So, we just chalked it up as another FAIL during our week over the New Year holiday season in Tokyo.

The dog is more fashionable than me.  Not like that's an accomplishment or anything.

Having just wasted a couple of hours making our way to the Tokyo Metropolitan Building and seeing nothing, it seemed as good note as any to leave Japan on.  Colleen and I said our goodbyes to Peter and Kiel, who would be staying in Japan for a couple more days before making their way to Seoul, South Korea.  For us, it was time to start thinking about new locales; namely Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, and Hong Kong!  With that in mind, we doubled back to the train station to pick up our luggage and enjoyed one final train ride and monorail ride out to Haneda Airport where we would be catching a flight to Kuala Lumpur before connecting on to Bangkok in the morning.  Time to get tropical!

~Brentski~

Day 46 (January 3, 2013)- Colleen Conveniently Gets "Sick" And Brent Has To Forego The Red Light District. Coincidence? I Think Not!

Not surprisingly, we started off my Mom's final day on the great continent of Asia with a visit to the most American of establishments: Denny's.  It was a bittersweet celebration of sorts.  On one hand, it was sad to see my old roommate Mom leaving, but it also meant that we were getting closer to hitting up some more tropical locales very soon in the form of Thailand and its surrounds.  My Mother's departure also meant that I would hopefully no longer have to spend any more nights on the floor; that is unless I pissed Colleen off immensely, which I'm sure was bound to happen in the weeks ahead (stay tuned to find out!).  Originally the plan was for my Mom to go back to the airport that day the way we came when we arrived in the country, by riding multiple trains/subways/cabs and praying to whatever God you believe in that you will arrive there in one piece.  Rather wisely, she nixed this idea and we decided to buy her a bus ticket which would take her directly to the airport.  I guess everyone doesn't share my enthusiasm for close-calls and getting super stressed out before a flight.  So, we said our farewells and waved goodbye to my one and only Mommy.  I felt so sorry for her, flying home first class from Tokyo to Toronto (some perk they gave her for working for Air Canada for 600 years).  With my maternal connection now gone, it was time for Colleen and I to paaaaaaaarty! And by party, I mean we promptly went back to the hotel and I enjoyed a nice, long nap on my miniature Japanese bed which was actually a HUGE upgrade over the floor I had been sleeping on the previous two nights. 

The illustrious Hachioji Hotel.  not surprisingly it was full of people who smiled a lot and had straight black hair.

Since we were well rested from our afternoon siesta, Colleen and I decided to take the subway over to Shinjuku, one of Tokyo's more well-known districts and explore it by foot.  That was the plan at least.  Seeing as how we were going to be heading to Thailand in a couple of days we had sent home our heavier coats with my Mom and decided we were going to tough it out like champs in the cold weather and just wear our sweaters.  Well, at least that was my idea.   Colleen quickly nixed this idea though and after a short time wandering around lost and confused, we decided to grab some dinner at place called Kirin Beer House.  I must say the food was fantastic and the brews were delicious.  Highly recommended.  I was hopeful now that Colleen had her fill of tasty food that she might entertain the idea of sauntering over to the "Red Light District", but alas she claimed it was too cold out and that she wasn't feeling well.  Instead, we headed to some 15-storey shopping mall, the not-so-originally-named "Times Square", and proceeded to shop for jewelry.  Funny how things work out sometimes. 

Inside the Kirin Beer House. Tasty times.

Back at the hotel, I was still feeling pretty crushed about not getting to see the red light district.  I mean, come on baby, I just wanted to compare notes with Amsterdam's version!  Research I tell ya, research!  With my heart in my hands, I was left to do my first and thankfully last load of laundry in Japan.  The dryer took over  90 minutes to dry six items, which I can only assume is because it was not used to my "Godzilla" size clothes.  Either that or our hotel just had a shitty dryer.  I'm gonna go with the first option though cause it just makes me sound more bad ass.

~Brentski~

In case you didn't know...

Day 45 (January 2, 2013)- So What If I've Got A Thing For Chicks In Mini-Skirts Who Wear Surgical Masks

Seeing as how we were no longer afraid of eating at Denny's, it was routine for us to eat there for breakfast.  We were actually starting to get pretty good at pointing out the items on the menu that we like, and the wait staff were generally pretty awesome as they helped us out.  It may have also been a novelty thing, as we were the only non-Japanese people for miles and we were in there every day!  Either way, we got fed, even if it was spaghetti and meatballs and mystery salads at 9am! 

Warning: Slightly Off Topic Observations....

·         Just about every restaurant in Japan has plasticized versions of their food in the front window.  I'm not sure if this is supposed to lure people in, but they generally all look disgusting to me.

·         Everyone, everywhere is wearing surgical masks!  I mean, the mask sale business in Japan alone must literally be worth billions of dollars.  If you walk into any store, it seems as if one of the first items you will see for sale is a mask, often times with some ridiculous "fashion" design on it (cats, anyone?).  The best part about Japan's germ phobia was the fact that the whole time we were there Colleen was really sick and coughing like mad.  It came in really handy when we wanted to clear out some space on the subway.

·         The chicks love to dress like hookers!  Now guys, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, just making an observation (hopefully Colleen skips over reading this blog).  My personal favorite is the chicks who dress super skanky and are wearing a surgical mask to go with it.  I'm sure an entire niche market exists for "Asian-Surgical-Mask-Porn". Note to self: Delete internet history.

After getting our fill at Denny's, Kiel and Peter were on their way, as they wanted some freedom to get away from Colleen, my Mom, and I and were thus checking in to a hostel closer to the heart of the city.  Once they got sorted, we met them back at the Visitor's Center, as the center was hosting a traditional Japanese tea ceremony.  It was quite the ridiculous experience, as a bunch of goofy looking tourists (see: us) gathered around while being served tea and some mystery food by a Japanese tea master.  Peter was really into the whole thing, while all I could think about was how the tea tasted like seaweed or at least what I imagine seaweed to taste like.  Just chalk it up as a cultural experience.

Just enjoying a tea party. Trying not to barf!

 

With our stomachs full of not-so-delicious tea, we headed back out into the miserable Tokyo winter weather and proceeded to head over to the Imperial Gardens.  As luck would have it again, they were inaccessible once more, as the Emperor and his family were making their annual post-New Year's appearance.  This was apparently quite the occasion, as there were hundreds of tour buses that had apparently brought people from all over the country to get a glimpse of their beloved royalty.  I figured it must've been Burt Reynolds or something.

Since the chances of us getting anywhere near the Imperial Gardens and/or Emperor were non-existent, we got back on our horses and headed over to window shop in Ginza aka Tokyo' super expensive, yet insanely busy, shopping district.  January 2, is their equivalent of Boxing Day in Canada, so the shops were all insanely busy.  We stumbled into the Apple store, and I literally felt like I was 16 again and in a mosh pit at a Creed concert (Yes, that sadly happened). 

Looks like we know who Kiel's taking home tonight...

 

Since too much shopping was not going to be happening, we next plundered on to the Akihabara district of Tokyo, although it is more commonly known as "Electric City".  As soon as we emerged from the subway station, it was just a complete sensory overload.  This is what people picture when you say the word Tokyo to them!  There were flashing lights everywhere and enough neon bulbs to put even the finest strip club to shame.  We wandered around for a bit and checked out a few different stores and arcades.  We discovered the Japanese peoples' love for some game called "Pachinko" which was some kind of gambling, but not real gambling.  I really have no fucking clue to be honest, although Kiel made an attempt to experience the Japanese arcade culture.  Sadly, the robot store we wanted to go to was closed, although we did find this awesome store that was completely dedicated to all things Nintendo.  It was literally floor to ceiling, multiple floors of everything you could possibly imagine for all the various Nintendo systems since the beginning of time.  I don't get too excited about video games these days, but damn, this place was faaaaaaaaannnnntastic!

Nintendo store in Akihabara = greatest find of life!

 

Back at the hotel, we were down to only three of us that night, as Kiel and Peter had fled the nest.  It was also my Mom's last night in Japan as she was flying home the next day.  For a truly Asian experience we decided to watch "Hall Pass" and drink shitty wine from 7/11.  Sounds like a fine night to me!

Akihabara light up at night. Completely shames Las Vegas.

~Brentski~