Friday, April 3, 2009

Farting On a Double-Decker Bus Is Straight Ignorant- Las Vegas- March, 2009...Part 2/2

(Pictured: The craziness that is Fremont Street...on a Wednesday night!)


Wednesday morning, or should I say about lunch time, we arose just in time to make it down to everybody’s favourite restaurant named after a former Miami Dolphin/winner of best actor EVER for his role in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Dan Marino’s. Only the finest cuisine at Hooters Hotel and Casino! After breakfast, we managed to saunter on over to the Luxor Hotel to check out the Titanic exhibit. I was a little sceptical at first about paying $30 each to see some artefacts from the ship (not like I had choice, women rule the world) but it ended up being pretty awesome. In addition to the hundreds of artefacts recovered from the ship, they also had re-creations of various parts of the ship that you walked through, including the third class area (steerage, as Leo called it in the movie), grand stairway, and other areas. The tour also had the largest piece of the Titanic ever removed from the ocean, that I would have to estimate was about the same size as that world’s fattest man I see every night on Discovery Channel in the same stupid one-hour special. Lou and I killed of the rest of the afternoon just browsing and gambling our way through Luxor, Excalibur, and Mandalay Bay. We attempted to go the Shark Reef exhibit at Mandalay, but the line-ups of little kids and people like me who don’t seem to grow up seemed to stretch forever! We finally met up with Mr. Clean and Drunko around dinner time and swiftly made our way over to the bus stop to catch “the Deuce”, which is the bus that takes you to Fremont Street/ the old part of Vegas. The bus was a double-decker packed to the point where it was standing room only on both levels. My brother Drunko saw this as the perfect opportunity to let the dirtiest of dirty farts go. I’m pretty sure everyone around was either dead or near death, and the guy behind me who looked and acted like Soulja Boy was recording the whole thing. Slightly ridiculous, yes I know. Once we disembarked from the now foul smelling bus, we took in all Fremont Street has to offer. In the last few years, there has been a major revitalization of the area, and the entire street is now covered with a canopy that is actually a giant screen, where they play light shows every hour on the hour at night. I know it sounds bizarre, but it is something that you would have to see to believe. Aside from the light show, I bought some of the nastiest food you could ever imagine in the form on deep-fired Oreo’s and deep-fried Twinkie’s from Mermaid’s Casino. Delicious! That night, Mr. Clean also made his best investment of the trip, when he bought a “grow-a-girlfriend”. While, Clean and Drunko went off with Lou for a bit (I later learned they all tried to go the strip club, but cover was too much) I had the opportunity to take in the Poker Hall of Fame at Binion’s. Yes, I do love poker that much, and I am a nerd. After I hooked back up with Mr. C and LouLou, we went and pissed away about $100 playing the “big wheel” at the Four Queens for a couple of hours. We failed to find Drunko (somehow got lost), and eventually the three of us just went back to our hotel for the night, but not before Clean tried to climb a palm tree at the bus stop in front of like 30 people and severely scraped his legs and both of his arms. Ahhh, the power of alcohol and all its wisdom!


The next day, I made my way down to the Sports Book in the morning, in hopes of duplicating my success in betting on college basketball from a year earlier. It was not meant to be, and I ended up going 0 for 4 on my sports bets. Next, I made my way back to Bellagio, this time with enough money to buy into the 15/30 Limit Hold’Em game they were spreading. At one point within being there only a couple of hours, I was up over $700, but promptly took some bad beats and ended up leaving ahead like $8. After my not so profitable gambling experience I headed back to meet up with the Mrs. Drunko wanted to know if we wanted to pre-drink before dinner (this was at 4pm). I told him that he might need to find some new hobbies and that Lou and I were heading out for dinner at Planet Hollywood. On that note, we caught the bus over to Caesar’s for a romantic $100 dinner at Planet Hollywood, which was beautifully accented by the movie props and cardboard cut-outs of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. That night, Mr. Clean and Drunko went to the hypnosis show that Lou and I had already seen. Later on, we all met up with the intention of going to Dixie’s Dam Bar, which was the new bar they had opened up inside of Hooters. The only trick was that my brother and Mr. Clean had to go ahead of us, as Jr. was using my ID, and I thought it might be a little suspicious if two Brent Moreau’s show up at the exact same time. So after giving our two padres a head start, Leeanna and I made our way down, only to discover that the place was dead. We could see in through the frosted glass, and decided against paying the $10 cover to join Mr. Clean and Drunko at SausageFest ’09. Unfortunately, we could not get a hold of the other two, so we just ventured out on our own to Diablo’s Cantina for some brews. While we were out on the strip, we happened to see the same homeless guy we had seen the night before on the other side of the city. He was easily recognisable due to his scruffy attire but near-new Nike sneakers. For some bizarre reason I just found this to be the greatest thing ever! Our next and last stop before heading back to the hotel was at the 24-hour Subway to indulge in my new favourite snack, a Spicy Italian sub. Make sure you get it with Italian bread, white cheese, onions, parmesan cheese, and chipotle sauce. It’s to die for, and I recommend at least one day as a part of a balanced diet. All this eating clearly tired out the ole GF, but I was born to live so I decided to stay up until after 4am playing blackjack in the casino.

Friday was home time and was pretty uneventful. We went for one last breakfast at Mr. Marino’s where we met up with Mr. Clean who had just returned from the Gun Store. I played a little bit more blackjack, and then it was off to the airport to catch our flight home.....and play some slots! You gotta love how McCarron Airport has slot machines all over it. Only in Vegas baby! Anyways, we got back to Buffalo after midnight, and rolled into the booming suburb of Bradford at around 4am Saturday morning.

On that note, another journey successfully completed. So long, amigos and would someone tell summer to hurry up and get here!