Colleen and I's initial plan was to wake up at the crack of
dawn and catch the subway down to Disneyland before all the crowds. Instead, the both of us slept through multiple
alarms and we didn't make it out of the hotel much before lunch time. We'll just blame it on jet lag and the one
hour time difference we were coming from.
The ride to the park was pretty entertaining, as Disney has their own dedicated subway line
that connects up with the main lines to transport people to the park. The subway cars are decked out with all
Disney regalia including Mickey-shaped windows, "oh-shit" handles,
etc. My hairy legs also managed to severely
frighten a young child, which now makes my cat Mr. Bubbles (R.I.P.)
non-exclusive in the "Brent's hairy legs resemble a small Yeti and scare
the shit out of me" anti-fan club.
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| The Mickey Mouse subway. Mind blown. |
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| Colleen getting into the Minnie Mouse spirit. |
As we arrived at the park, I must say I was amazed at just
how many Chinese people there were. I realize
this may sound like an ignorant comment since we were in Hong Kong, but I genuinely expected there to be a greater
representation of foreign interests here.
I mean, it had to be 98-99% Chinese people. I did my best to blend in with my expensive
SLR camera, but I fear it was all for naught.
After taking the requisite tourist photos outside the main gate, the
wifey and I headed in to the park.
 | ||
| I must say I was getting quite the belly by the end of our trip.
|
Since we were at an amusement park, and let's be real
Colleen and I don't need an excuse, it was a safe bet that we were going to be
eating extremely shitty for the day. We
hit up a bakery for breakfast before checking out the Lion King live show. I must
say Timon and Pumbaa never get old. Our first official ride of the day was some
new roller coaster, which miraculously we only had to wait two minutes to get
on. One thing I notice as I now enter my
more senior years is that my stomach cannot handle rides like it used to. Now I know why my parents always sent me and
my siblings on the rides while they just idled nearby. Here I was thinking they didn't love me, when
all they wanted to do was not barf up a lung.
Needing a slightly tamer ride, we took Tarzan's raft to his tree house (I guess he maintains residences
around the world) before venturing over to Toy
Story Land. My stomach continued to
act a fool on the rides here, while I did my best to settle it down with the
most revolutionary food product of all-time: a pizza cone. I'm not sure what was better: seeing my
favorite characters from twenty years ago or eating a pizza cone.
 |
| Simba!!!! |
 |
| On second thought maybe she should disown me. |
 |
| It's like the year 1995 in real life! |
 |
| Sorry Colleen you've been replaced. |
The next stop in our attempt to see the whole park in one
day was Fantasyland, where we took in
a Mickey Mouse 3D show before I laid eyes on the most annoying, yet most Disney
ride of all-time: It's A Small World. I let Colleen know that we were riding those
boats with tiny statue people come hell or high water, because I just really, really, really needed to hear
that song. While I attempted to soak in
the leisurely boat ride, the young girl with her father sitting in front of us
had other ideas and instead wanted to spend the entire ride using us as her
personal English tutors. We happily
obliged her, as I am all for training the future leaders of tomorrow in the
fine art of saying, "hello my name is Brent" on repeat. We then stumbled upon the daily "Disney
Parade" which we followed up with a visit to another Disney parks
institution: Space Mountain. After Colleen owned me on the Buzz Lightyear Space Shootout (my gun
must have been broken, because we all know women can't shoot), we invested in a
gigantic cotton candy and some other 0% nutritious shit for dinner.
 | ||||
| That sign is the story of my life. Whaddup!
|
Slightly
unrelated: During a visit to the public
bathroom, I had the most bizarre thirty seconds ever. First, upon entering the facilities, I was
greeted by a young girl being propped up by what I can only assume was her
father over top of a urinal. She had her
legs on top of the urinal, while she leaned her back against her father in an
attempt to hit the porcelain target.
While all this was going on, a young boy who had just finished taking a
leak decided he didn't need to pull his pants up and just walked over to the
sink and started washing his hands while his digits were hanging out. Just a casual hand wash sans pants in a Disneyland
bathroom. Very normal! Needless to say,
I quickly locked myself in a stall.
With the night winding down, we went on one last ride, the
Jungle River Cruise. I must say it was
rather entertaining, as we cruised around this little body of water and random
fake animals jumped out at us in the now dim evening light. Throw in the fact that our tour guide was
more animated than an Asian Steve Irwin on Prozac and you my friends have the
making of the most ridiculous boat ride ever!
As the night was winding down we headed to the souvenir shops to gather
up some useless crap. All of the stores
were absolutely rammed with people who were clearing the shelves off as it was
Boxing Day or a going out of business sale.
When you imagine stereotypical Chinese shopping, this was is it at its
finest. Having survived the retail
nightmare, we grabbed some Mickey-shaped waffles and grabbed a spot for the end
of night fireworks over top of the Cinderella/Sleeping
Beauty castle. A great way to end
the final night of our trip.
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| BEST. WAFFLE. DESIGN. EVER. |
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| Our final night in Asia. |
~Brentski~
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