(Originally published June 28, 2007)
(Pictured: Space cake. You know, the shit astronauts eat.)Ok, first of all, this is the conclusion of my journalistic stylings....I have been back now in the Motherland for a week, but was too lazy to finish it, but now I am forcing myself to finish what I started. On that note, I am actaully shocked at how many people have been reading this. Thanks to everyone for the feedback, as it was much appreciated. Here we go.........
So Monday, June 18, I was like a little kid on Christmas morning. I woke Slim up bright and early and we made our way to Graceland, errrr Amsterdam! Upon our arrival, we went straight to our hostel, dropped our bags off and went directly across the street to the Blues Brothers Coffee Shop. Now for those of you who are uninclined, a coffee shop just sells snacks, non-alcoholic drinks, oh and pot and hash! After parousing the menu, we decided on some Bubblegum as well as some Cantaloupe flavoured bud. Needless to say, this is where the next few days started to get really really hazy. Later on in the day we made our way down to Barney's Coffee Shop, one of the more popular spots in the city, where we purchased some Space Cake (for those of you who wondering what this is, go watch Deuce Bigalo: European Gigalo) and then proceeded to go smoke copious amounts of dope back at the hostel and watch Comedy Central for like the next eighteen hours. It was sometime during this day and the next day that I overdosed on McDonald's Cheeseburgers. Let's just say eating cheeseburgers for every meal is ill-advised. Way worse then anything marijuana could ever do to you.
Tuesday, it was more of the same! That morning we met up with our homeslice, "Seattle" Abe. We hadn't seen him since Budapest, so we were ready to hit the town.....right after a little wake and bake. In our foggy state, the three of us made our way to the Heineken Brewery. We did the tour, drank some beers, signed some autographs, etc. Following that, SlimJim suggested we go to this place called the Grey Area, which cleans up on a consistent basis at the Cannabis Cup. So we purchased some more top-grade cush and then proceeded to get retarded. Between five of us at this one table we were passing around a vaporizer, a pipe, a bong, and a fat ass joint. It got sloppy in a hurry. That night, Abe took us on a walking tour of the Red Light District, where we oogled at the hookers and giggled (I swear it had nothing to do with the drugs) at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.
The next day, I actually managed to sober up for a few hours! Shocking, isn't it? Anyways, that morning we went on a guided walking tour of Amsterdam and then we boogied on over to visit the Anne Frank House. I was a big fan of the Anne Frank House, having read her diaries a few years ago and absolutely loving them. Girl was one helluva writer! That night, we met up with some other old pals (Gene and Glen from Toronto), who we hadn't seen since Seville about seven weeks earlier. The four of us went out for some beers and tokes and then made our way back to the Red Light District. It was time for the Live Sex Show. We finally decided to go this one show which was charging about $30, and you got to see a three act show, but you could watch repeats as much as you wanted. Without getting too graphic, the three acts were as follows: Act 1) Basically just your run of the mill stripper routine. Act 2) Naked chick plays around with her glass toy. Act 3) This is where the live sex came in! After the three acts, a large screen came down for twenty minutes between shows, and they played some hardcore anal porn. Classy. I'm not gonna lie, it's kind of weird watching anal porn on a 200-inch projection screen when you've got a group of middle-aged women sitting in front of you. Meh! Long story short, we watched the whole show two-and-a-half times and most definately got our money's worth!
Thursday during the day was pretty uneventful. That day, I just walked around the city on my own, basically doing nothing, except making an appointment for my tattoo the next day. Later in the afternoon, I met up with SuperSlim who had been smoking and watching the Discovery Channel all day. Who says stoners aren't productive? Naturally, I felt the need to join in before taking my act to the Holland Casino (bad idea!). I arrived too late to register for the poker tournament I wanted to play in, so I decided to saddle up and play in their "big" cash game. I got cleaned for about $400 in around an hour and promptly decided to leave. Don't gamble under the influence, it rarely works out kids. On that note, I went back to the hostel and smoked away my pain!
Friday, I was not allowed to smoke anything, since I had a tattoo appointment, and was under strict orders not to consume any drugs or alcohol. That morning, Slim and I decided to do some souvenir shopping before I dropped him off at the hostel with some of our smoking buddies and I made my way over to the "House of Tattoos". After a long-ass delay, I finally got in the chair, had my artwork installed and made my way back to the hostel. Not surprisingly, I returned to find Slim looking a little tired and hungry. It was definately time to go to Brussells, Belgium, for I feared he was near death! Haha. That night we took a train to Brussells, and just chilled in our hostel bar. We successfully survived Amsterdam! Fuck you player haters!
The next morning, we met up with some Australian girl, whose friends were dead (or something to that effect) so she joined Slim and I on our journey to this cartoon museum. Fact: The Smurfs and Tintin are both Belgian creations. I almost teared up getting all nostalgic about my childhood in the museum. Slim and I then went to visit the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, which is a famous monument in the city. That evening, we met a couple of cool German dudes who were staying in our room. The four of us went out and proceeded to drink at a bar (I hear that's what people do at bars), but not before we accidentally stumbled through the intensely gay bar district. I was only the victim of six reach-arounds. Hey, it happens.
Sunday morning we were on the move again, this time to Brugge, Belgium. Our first day there, we did absolutely nothing. I think the highlight of our day was ordering some french fries with this "special" sauce which kind of excited us. Later on, we just sat around the hostel bar and played cards with some peeps we had just met from the west coast (Kory, Vanessa, and Jessica). During all of the card playing, happy hour ensued, I got trashed, I went to bed. The end.
The 25th of June was the beginning of our last week in Europe. We decided there was not much we wanted to see in Brugge, so we took a daytrip to Ypres, home to some of the most famed battles during World War I. Flanders' Fields lies just outside of the city, as do many famous battlefields. Sadly, we arrived too late in the day and were restrcited to the city limits. So on that note, we visited the 'In Flanders Fields Museum', the Menin Gate (dedicated to the over 100,000 British soldiers who lost their lives fighting in the area but were never found), and Ramparts Cemetary. If this trip has helped me with one thing, it is definately my WWI and WWII knowledge. The history is everywhere, and it is simply amazing. After that, it was more of the same, in the form of playing cards with the peeps and a well-timed Happy Hour.
Tuesday was basically a write-off, as our only plan was to make our way back to London that night. The highlight of the day was the delicious Pizza Hut buffet. Fuck I love the Hut. Repeat. Fuck I love the Hut. After eating twenty slice between us, the travel started......
A) Bus to train station (15 minutes)
B) train to Brussels (1 hour)
C) bus to airport (1 hour)
D) flight to London (1 hour)
E) bus from airport to the inner-city (1 hour)
F) subway to Jon's sister's pad (1 hour).
By the time it was all said and done, including waiting time in between, it was a solid nine hour journey. Riveting.
The next day was our last day before going home, so we figured we should make it count. We woke up bright and early and made our way to the other side of London (no small feat) and got our asses over to Wimbledon to take in the world's most prestigious tennis tournament. After waiting in line for a couple of hours for tickets, we finally got in and were treated to a bit of world class tennis before the rain finally started to come down (anyone who has been following the tournament this year knows that this is a daily occurence). We watched women's singles matches between D. Safina vs K. Bondarenko and M. Hingis vs A. Nakamura, and finally a doubles match featuring Canada's Daniel Nestor, although this last match got rained out during the first set. After the matches, we had a dinner date with my cousin Melissa and her husband Rich. She has been living in the U.K. for over five years now, during which time I have never seen her. It's been too long, but it was good to see her, and her husband was a super nice guy. After that, it was back to pack for the next day's flights back to Canada.
Well, by Thursday, it was all over but the crying. We said our goodbyes and made our way across London yet again for one final time. A few hours later, we were back in Toronto. But there was one slight problem. My luggage never showed up! After filling out some forms and what not, I was told my luggage would come in the next day, which shockingly it actually did! A chaotic finish to a crazy trip. $10,000 later, and I can honestly say it was worth every penny, as it is an experience I will not soon forget (provided I avoid Amsterdam in the foreseeable future!).
THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE WHO HAS GIVEN ME FEEDBACK ABOUT THE TRIP. I LOVE TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY. ON THAT NOTE, I WILL START TO KEEP JOURNALS OF FUTURE TRAVELS. LATER THIS YEAR LOOK FOR TRIP REPORTS FROM NEW YORK CITY (JULY), LAS VEGAS (AUGUST), AND CHINA (EITHER SEPTEMBER OR OCTOBER). THEY WILL BE MUCH, MUCH SHORTER JAUNTS, BUT I SHALL TRY AND KEEP THEM ENTERTAINING FOR ALL.
~BRENTSKI~
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