(Pictured: Me and the other two dudes, living large with our gold medals and clown noses.)So, it’s been a while since my last travels, as I’ve been in trade school, and it will probably be a while until I get to travel again, as I am so broke it’s ridonculous! On that note, I decided to take another pilgrimage to my Mecca, Las Vegas! This time though (unlike the last couple times I went)it was more about good times and less about gambling my life away, as I would be joined my girlfriend Lou, my friend Mr. Clean, and my constantly drunk/why aren’t you guys getting drunk brother, Drunko.
Originally, Lou and I were scheduled to travel on stand-by out of Toronto on March 22, but due to the fact that all of the flights were full, we took the plunge and paid full price to fly out of Buffalo. On that note, I arose Sunday morning with a dastardly hangover (my birthday/a country bar/lots of shots/Garth Brooks/Russian cab driver) but was a man on a mission to get on that plane. We made it down to America’s armpit, errr Buffalo a bit early, so we grabbed some grub at the Anchor Bar (albeit not the original one, the one in the airport). For those of you who are not grease-connoisseurs like myself, they are the inventors of the buffalo chicken wings which kind of makes them a big deal. Due to sandstorms in the deserts surrounding Las Vegas, our flight was delayed for a couple hours. I found this to be the perfect opportunity to catch up on all my celebrity gossip thanks to the fine people at Star magazine. That Jennifer Aniston, what a bitch! Fast forward a few hours, and we arrived in Las Vegas about 9pm and cabbed it over to the classiest hotel of classy hotels, The Hooters Hotel and Casino. Believe me, for under $40 a night it was well worth it! Later that night we tried to get into the restaurant in our hotel, Dan Marino’s (yes, that Dan Marino), for some 25 cent chicken wings between the hours of 12am and 6am but the line-up was too long. So we did the next best thing and went to the 24 hour Wendy’s, bought some booze from the souvenir shop, and called it a night!
Monday morning, we had to move rooms as we had booked Sunday night on a different reservation than the rest of our nights. I`m sure that this probably did not make the wife happy, as she now had to go from having her own queen bed to sharing a bed with hairy legs (could be worse, could be excessive Sasquatch back hair). After that, we headed over to the legendary/very old/ghetto Tropicana for their Island Buffet. We spent most of the afternoon wandering the strip, and stopped in at the Planet Hollywood Casino (used to be Aladdin, got renamed/bought out, just like Hooters did with the San Remo) for some blackjack lessons for Miss LouLou from yours truly. After we made it back to Hooters, I played a little bit of 1-2 No-Limit Poker, which is the only poker game they spread there other than their daily tournaments. To call it a poker room would be a vast over statement. They have two tables tucked away in the corner. I lost a bit of coin but nothing to write home about. That night we had bought tickets to go and check out the show Dirty Hypnosis: Unleashed at Krave/Planet Hollywood. It was what it sounds like, a dirty hypnosis show. Lou was one of the unfortunate people who volunteered to get hypnotized for over an hour, and believe me it worked. Without getting too graphic, let’s just say some of the HILARIOUS stuff the guy had her do included smoking invisible weed, thinking her breasts were growing about 6 feet off her body, making her think she had a male appendage, and my personal favourite, where he gave everyone on stage a balloon and told them it was a sex toy and to describe it (let’s just say the words “fourteen” and “inches” came into her description. I’ll leave it at that. Awesome show though and highly recommend it. Fuck the Blue Man Group and Elton John. After the madame kind of snapped back into it, we went back to our hotel and met up with Mr. Clean who had just gotten in on his flight from Toronto that night. We did a little in room drinking, went and played some blackjack, and then decided to try Dan Marino’s again for the wings. We did get in for the wings, but let’s just say I’m pretty sure they were the reject wings that Hooters scraps during the day. Terrible.
That morning a mere 4 hours after I went to bed, I hear a loud knocking on my door at 7am, and low and behold it’s Captain Clean, all rip-roaring ready to go for the day. I told him to fuck off and not to bother me until after lunch. I ended up getting up a couple hours later, and went over to the Bellagio on my own to hopefully play some 15/30 Limit Poker. Unfortunately, my bank card was acting like a dick-head, and would not work, so I was forced again to play some 1-2 No-Limit. I took a small win, but again, nothing crazy. I promptly made it back to Hooters a bit after lunch time, and low and behold my brother Drunko had showed up from Toronto, just waiting for me to give him my extra ID (he’s 19, I’m 25. I can grow facial hair, he can’t). All four of us decided to head over to New York New York, and ride the roller coaster. We bought a family pass for $56. Yes, that’s right, for four of us to ride a roller coaster once it cost about $70 Canadian! When in Vegas. We followed that up with a solid session in the children’s arcade where we won cheesy gold medals and clown noses for all (Thanks Clean)! At 6:30pm we had tickets to see the live show “The Mentalist”. It was pretty cool, and was basically a mind reading-magic-illusion show. I can’t figure out how they do that shit for the life of me, but then again I guess that’s supposed to be the point. For more info, just google “Mentalist” or “Gerry McCambridge”. The guy had his own CBS special and stuff like that. Next up on my agenda for the young night was to play in the Hooters nightly poker tournament. Long story short, there ended up only being 9 players and it was winner take all. I made it to the final two with the chip lead (about 60% to 40%) and we decided to split the money as I was absolutely shittered (see: drunk on free beers) at this point. I took $300 the other dude took $200 and I promptly went over to the Hooters restaurant to meet up with Mr. Clean and Lou and drank some more. I’m sloppy, I know.
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