(Originally published March 31, 2008)(Pictured: Damn it feels good to be a gangster. How tough do I look holding that Uzi? Bitches beware!)
So....It's been a while since my last trip report, as I've been living the dream and working construction outdoors in balmy southern Ontario all winter. God I love the weather here. Anyways, Slim and I decided to head on out to Vegas for 5 nights to do some gambling, drinking, and more gambling. This is my 3rd trip to the great state of Nevada but it would be Super Slim’s virgin voyage.
So Monday morning rolled around, and I was up bright and early to catch my flight to Vegas. Slim would be travelling separate and not arriving until late at night as I was travelling Air Canada and he with West Jet. Anyways, I made it into Vegas by about 10:30am local time (after another flight with a non-functioning TV) and dropped my bags off at the Luxor (big pyramid hotel for you CSI people!). By 12:00pm I had made my way over to the beautiful confines of the Venetian poker room. I promptly lost $200 playing $1-2 NL Hold’em and $4-8 Pot-Limit Omaha (lots of poker talk in this story. For those not interested in poker/gambling, when you start to see numbers, skip ahead!). Not the greatest start to the trip, so I decided to try my luck over at the Mirage. Turns out the Mirage tigers were not there (renovations) and neither was any decent action in the poker room. This left me to turn to the comfy confines of the Bellagio, my favourite! Bellagio has always been my favourite place to play in Vegas for a couple of reasons: 1) higher stakes action 2) great poker room 3) possible celebrity sightings 4) It’s Bellagio come on! Anyways I saddled into an $8-16 Limit Hold’em table and proceeded to make $600 over the next 12 hours playing drunk poker (common theme throughout my trip, the drunk part, not the making money part!). By 2:30am when the game finally broke, it was me and 9 Asian guys at the table. Who says Asians aren’t degenerate gamblers? Not this guy! So I stumbled back to the hotel and was supposed to meet Slim at midnight, but was 3 hours late. When I couldn’t find him, I asked this skinny white dude who was with this big black hooker if they could swipe their room card into the elevator for me to get up to my room. They told me to politely fuck off. Eventually I found my Ukrainian counterpart and promptly crashed. Happy times in Sin City!
Tuesday morning I woke up and discovered that I had fallen asleep in a shallow (albeit very shallow) pool of $100 bills. I had always dreamed of doing this since Uncle Scrooge had that swimming pool full of money on Duck Tales. Slim Jim and I made our way over to the MGM Grand for a $65 tourney at 11:00am and were both promptly eliminated. On the positive side, we had fired up the beer train during the tourney! I spent the next few hours playing $2-5 NL Hold’em at MGM but couldn’t get anything going other than beers down my throat. I ended up down $75 for the session, which was a big disappointment considering there was this old, rich dude at my table who dumped off over $3000 to the other players. All I can say, is at least he had a hot, younger wife! God Bless America and all it stands for! That afternoon I put $100 on a parlay bet for the Maple Leafs to beat the Boston Bruins and for the total goals to be over 5.5. Slim and I made our way over to the ESPN Zone restaurant to watch the Leafs game, but turned out they were showing every NBA and NHL game except for that one. We stayed anyways for some pints and grub and found out the final score was 6-2 for Boston, and the Leafs were eliminated from the playoffs. My day of hard boozing and gambling made me tired and I KO’ed by like 8pm. Shit’s weak.
Wednesday started very early for me, as I woke up at midnight from my nap. Slim was fast asleep so I left his sorry ass and cabbed it down to the Bellagio for some late night/early morning action. I sat down in a $15-30 Limit Hold’em Game. I took some pretty sick beats, including a guy flopping a straight flush on me, while I turned an Ace high flush, which equalled a nice payoff for the other dude. I ended the session a $407 loser, but on a more positive note, I did get a chance to see Men ‘the Master’ Nguyen playing that night. For those of you who are ill informed, he is one of the greatest poker players of all-time and has won more ‘Player of the Year’ awards than anybody. Period. After my not so stellar session I stumbled my ass back to the Luxor and crashed by about 6:00am before re-awakening at about 11:00am. That afternoon, Slim and I went to check out this place called ‘The Gun Shop’ where they let you fire guns. It’s pretty weird. You go in and basically just pick a gun off the wall (everything from pistols to rifles to machine guns, etc) and then you get your ammo and pick out a target (we both took the picture of Osama, seemed to be the overwhelming favourite amongst the gun-loving masses there). I chose to fire an Uzi, while Slim chose the M16. I definitely felt like more of a man after the experience. Kids, if you want to make a lot of money, open a gun shop in Nevada, place was crazy busy. That afternoon, I played some $1-2 NL Hold’em at the Luxor and dumped off $200 playing really-bad-drunk poker. That evening, Slim and I decided to check out the Comedy show at the Tropicana, which was a good deal, as it featured 3 comedians for $20 and a free drink. It wasn’t quite as good a deal though as the $7 steaks and $2.50 beers we had beforehand at Excalibur. Mmm Mmm good! Anyways the comedy show was funny (not influenced by alcohol at all by this point) and the beer was cold. After the show, I decided I needed to buy a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and consume as many as I could on the spot. Six donuts later, and let’s just say our toilet didn’t like me too much the next morning. Is the box half-empty or half-full?! I don’t know, but you have a better chance of guessing how the porcelain was! Haha!
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