Day 63- But They Make Wipeout Look So Easy On TV!

 

Part of the Wipeout course. I'm sure this was going to end well.

Despite my rather disastrous turn on the moped the previous day, Colleen and I were not going to sit around and stare at our damaged bike.  In the name of Zeus we were going to soldier on.  Just a little more slowly and cautiously, that's all!

With that in mind, we jumped on to our metal and plastic death trap and headed down the coast for a joint we had been scoping out a for the last few days: Phangan Wipeout.  Anyone who is familiar with the TV show "Wipeout" (pretty sure everyone knows this show) would have a rough idea of what this was like.  Just imagine it being smaller, not nearly as awesome and lacking corny ass television announcers.  When we arrived around lunch time there were quite a few people already there, although none of them had yet to venture out onto the course.  Somehow, I ended up being the first victim of the day to venture out onto the waters and I made a complete ass of myself.  Since there was a large contingent of people watching me I must admit I was trying exceptionally hard, and by the end of the course my arms were so sore I could barely swim.  After a few other people ventured out, Colleen eventually decided to give the course a go and I must say it provided me with some solid comedic relief.  She even made me swim out and attempt to help her climb one of the inflatable walls so that she could attempt to cross the impossible gigantic balls (no idea what to call these things).  We spent the rest of the afternoon chilling at the Wipeout course and I took a few more stabs at the course between beer and nacho breaks.  I heard that's what real athletes eat.  My greatest success on the course by far was my ability to touch all three of the gigantic balls on multiple occasions (most people couldn't even touch two); even if it happened as I was flailing like a dead fish into the lake below. Our other great accomplishment for the day was that we actually talked to another couple for more than a minute and made an attempt to socialize.  Naturally we left it at that and we shall never hear from or see those food service employees from Ottawa again.

 

  Click below to see the disaster that is Brent on the "giant balls"

 

24" pythons. That's my middle name.
 

You can do it Colleen.

I've got breaking news....CANNONBALL!!!

Brent Fail.

Clearly Colleen and I were both feeling the effects of the obstacle course on the non-existent muscles in our arms, so I did something that I swore I would never do: go for a Thai massage.   if there is ever a time and place to test out whether you like massages or not, Thailand is it.  I paid $8 for a one hour full body massage.  Slightly cheaper than the $105 an hour we pay in Inuvik.  So, after telling me through sign language to strip down to my boxers, some little lady proceeded to walk all over me and twist my body in some God-forsaken ways.  I mean this broad absolutely owned me and I really have no idea how this shit is enjoyable to people.  Factor in that all of this was in an open-air massage den on the beach with lots of people, insects, and everything else coming and going and I just don't see the appeal.  Oh, and did I mention that the not-so attractive lady's lubed-up hands kept getting alarmingly close to my family jewels?  It would be one thing if it was Carrie Underwood my girlfriend, but when it's an unattractive middle-aged woman with a non-existent dental plan, having your balls grazed repeatedly just loses its appeal.



Please don't tickle my bum hole. I repeat please don't tickle my bum hole.



Thankfully we made it through our massage session in one piece and after all of this Colleen now decided that she wanted to get her entire mop of hair braided.  This ended up being a three hour session, and I don't think she will mind if I now say that at the time she looked like some escaped lesbian jailbird who should have been cast as an extra on "Orange Is The New Black".  And what I of course mean by this is that I loved her hairstyle!



Transformation in progress.  The woman in the background seems impressed.



Nice hairdo. How many people did you say you beat up in prison?!

That evening we tried out another one of the beachside restaurants.  We ended up having a table right on the beach and I must say that view wise it was one of the better dinners of my life.  Food wise, all I can say is that my $9 filet mignon tasted like, well it tasted like a $9 filet mignon.  I really have to get into Thai food!



Nice way to end the evening.





Don't steal from this store or it will be a bad ending to your evening.



~Brentski~