Day 62- Driving Moped Hung Over = Worst Wipeout Of Life!

Our lovely resort, where I should have stayed instead of venturing out for the day.

 Following the debacle that was the previous night's foray into cheap Thai liquor, all-night raves, and blacked out taxi rides, you would be safe to assume that the next day was a write off.  And you would be one-hundred and ten percent correct. 

Colleen and I both slept in until well after lunch and to say that I was feeling shitty would be the understatement of the year.  I never used to believe people when they would tell me that hangovers became immensely worse the older you got, but believe me kids it is a nasty fact.  The difference between a morning after partying when you are 19 years old and when you are 28 years old is night and day.  On that note, the girlfriend and I made our way down to the resort's restaurant for some crappy Western food that was going to be the magical cure-all for our hangovers.  FAIL.  For some reason, Fettuccini Alfredo just doesn't have the same appeal when you are eating it on an island in Thailand baking under the hot sun and sweating out mass amounts of the previous day's alcohol.

I have a bad feeling about this day....

Since Colleen's energy levels were even lower than mine, she decided to retreat back to the room for the day while I felt the need to take my moped out for a cruise around the island.  In my infinite wisdom I believed that driving around the island and taking in the lovely scenery would make me feel better.  Instead, I somehow got lost for a couple hours and when I finally located the road back to our resort I was beyond relieved; that was until I hit a patch of sand on the road and dropped the motorbike going at a decent speed (not sure how fast, as the whole incident happened so quickly).  Having read numerous warnings and whatnot in various guidebooks, I was well aware of the dangers of sand patches on the roads of Koh Phangan.  There are hundreds of stories of tourists who have ended up in hospitals and with rather largesse medical and repair bills for mopeds after losing control of their bikes on sand patches.  And here I was, just another statistic.  Stupidly, I was not wearing a helmet at the time of the accident (we will just say my head was too swollen from all the booze), and I was wearing flip flops, shorts and a t-shirt.  This in turn led me to wind up with some serious scrapes on my back, shoulders, elbows, knees, and feet.  Oh, and a bruised ego.  That hurt the most.  Thankfully, I was able to walk away from the accident and there was no traffic around me when I swan dived onto the road.  What I was most concerned about was the repair bill I was likely going to be facing for the almost-new moped that now had some serious scratches from one end to the other.  FUCK MY LIFE!

No idea what and eye and/or ear irrigation is, but I'll probably need one.
 

So beautiful, until you crash that is.

Once I was able to scrape the bike and my ego up off the road, I drove back to the resort, albeit a lot more cautiously.  Colleen, being the loving lady that she is was just happy I was in one piece and also that she had decided to stay in that afternoon.  But mostly, we will say she was just happy for my well being!  After cleaning up my scrapes and trying to guess how much the repair bill would be, the two of us went out for dinner at another of the beachside restaurants on Haad Salad.  Although I probably could have used some  alcohol to numb the pain, my liver needed a break, so we sipped our non-alcoholic drinks while being harassed by Thai waiters and stray dogs begging for food. Paradise I tell ya!



"Don't give me food? Fine I'll piss on your BBQ"
 



How could I say no to this?!

~Brentski~

Note:  When operating motor vehicles that require you to wear a helmet; do it!  Don't act like you are some cool Rico Suave motherfucker.  Helmets save lives.  Also, so do condoms, seat belts, and Chuck Norris.

Do as Chuck would do.