Due to the fact that when I first arrived in my current location of Dingo, Queensland I was very lazy and did not want to type out any journals, I fell very far behind on my entries. To top it off, about a month after arriving my piece of shit $300 netbook was laid to rest as it decided it no longer wanted to work. Thus, I have not written an entry in over three and a half months. So, I shall start off way back in the end of June in Cairns before I get into very briefly what has happened in my fifteen weeks in Dingo (fuck load of nothing). Without further ado, it is now October 15 and I shall take a trip back in my hot tub time machine to June 29, 2010…
Our first night in Cairns in the far north tropical part of Australia brought about one of the scariest moments of my life...seeing a cockroach that was clearly longer in length than an average male’s favourite appendage. I mean, I’m pretty sure the thing may have had teeth although I wasn’t ever going to get close enough to find out. Or so I thought. Early the next morning I awoke in my room thinking that a cockroach was crawling all over me. I saw nothing (except my heart beating out of my chest) and dozed off back to sleep. Shortly thereafter I awoke again and this time was certain that Mr. Cockroach was indeed taking a dump on me. After scrambling around the room, Leeanna and I eventually cornered him under our fridge and got him out after half an hour of looking like two of the biggest pussies in the world. If you had just walked in on us, you would’ve thought we had cornered a highly aggressive and venomous snake, or two, not a scared insect. What can I say; simply put I am one with nature. After our early morning fright, Leeanna and I made our way over to the scooter rental place and rented us some scooters. A wise man once told me that riding scooters is like riding fat chicks, it’s cool and fun as long as your friends don’t find out. Well let me say, I am huge scooter fan these days! After Leeanna got trained up on how to drive, we made our way out into the streets of Cairns and headed towards the rainforest outside of the city. Upon reaching the outskirts of the city, I promptly got us lost before we headed into the jungle to check out such sites as the Crystal Cascades (waterfalls and shit), Barron Gorge (big gorge), and Lake Placid (no not the one from the Samuel L. Jackson movie). By far the best thing I saw all day (aside from Leeanna riding a scooter in city traffic and being in sheer terror most of the time) was the sign warning of us “stinging trees”. What exactly a stinging tree does to you I don’t really want to know and luckily I never had to find out. That evening, we made our first trip over to the Woolshed Pub for dinner and drinks, which is a semi-famous place amongst Australian backpackers. As luck would have it, they were also selling mixed drinks that night at a rate of five for ten dollars, so it was all aboard the whiskey train. Next stop: Hammersville!
The next day consisted of a lot of recovering during the first half of the day. That afternoon we set out on foot to check out all that the city had to offer. We perused the esplanade and night markets before deciding that it was time for me to visit a barbershop. That night our hostel had a big barbeque that consisted of a whole bunch of good BBQ food, including everybody’s favourite overgrown rat meat…errr kangaroo.
Thursday morning (Canada Day) it was back to spending money like it wasn’t a thing in the form of a white water rafting trip. I tried desperately to convince Leeanna to come with me, but she was having none of it, so I headed out on my own. The tour company was really busy that day, so our rafting crew consisted of six boats with eight people each tackling rapids on the Barron River. The river was rated a Class III out of a possible five, so it had some okay rips, but nothing two crazy. The best part was seeing some guy go overboard on one of the other rafts and all the tour guides losing their shit trying to get this guy back in the raft as he was drifting down river. All-in-all it was a fun day out, although if I went again I think I would like to tackle something a little more dangerous. That day, Leeanna hit up the mall to get her hair chopped and for some retail therapy. For dinner we again headed out to the Woolshed Pub before making our way over to a joint known as the Rhino Bar for some Canada Day festivities. In honour of our great nation the bar had some Canadian themed games such as shooting a square puck at a makeshift goal with a children’s hockey stick. Needless to say, I’m a legend and was the only person in the bar to score multiple times and was rewarded with some free beers. I also finished second out of about 30-odd people in a heads and tails competition, although it was winner take-all so I was just another loser as they say. The club was full of Canadians and people wearing ridiculous Canadian apparel, although it got really out of control later in the night when they had “ladies hour”. During this power hour, ladies were entitled to unlimited free champagne. Apparently in Cairns this is a weekly open invitation for men to cross dress and get shit-faced for free. A very clever approach I must say, although I did manage to get lots of free booze just wearing my regular wankerific outfit. In conclusion the last part of the night I entered full on blackout mode, which was sadly displayed in the pictures and videos Leeanna and I had taken that night. I may not remember all of it, but it sure looks like I was having fun!
Friday was another one of those super lazy days I’ve become quite accustomed to. The missus and I spent the day chilling out at the hostel and the highlight of the day was going out the Woolshed for dinner and drinks, yet again.
As I was starting to run desperately low on money, I figured that I might as well spend the last of it wisely. The smartest thing I could think to do on a Saturday morning was go down to the Tour Desk and book myself into a bungee jumping session that afternoon. With reservations made, Leeanna and I boarded the “bungee bus” and made our way to the outskirts of Cairns to A.J. Hackett’s facility. A.J. Hackett is the guy who actually invented the sport and now has a handful of jump spots around the world, including New Zealand, Australia, and China. After arriving, Leeanna decided that she was not going to jump, so I was left on my own to throw myself off of a ledge towards the ground. Before even jumping, I decided to purchase five jumps instead of one, as one jump cost around $140, while the four extra jumps were only $100 more. When in Rome…or tropical Australia for that matter. My first jump, I was ridiculously nervous and kind of just timidly stepped off the edge and just started screaming my head off. Without question it was the most intense three seconds of my life! The following four jumps I tried a variety of different jumps, including; the reverse (go off backwards), reverse elevator (backwards with your elbows locked under your chin so you look towards the bungee tower falling away from you), and the pendulum (they dangle you off the edge backwards and keep pulling you back and teasing that they will let go). I can honestly say that each jump was just as terrifying as the one before and even after jumping five times I was still shitting my pants each time walking up the tower. After my jumps were done, we watched some of the videos and had a good laugh and I even bought some of the company’s pictures that is something I normally refuse to do on the principle of it’s always a rip-off. That night, after trying to wipe the adrenaline-inspired smile off my face we headed to the Woolshed yet again for some eats before hitting up the local movie theatre for a screening of the latest Twilight film. Yes, I watch awesome movies. I know!
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