By the time Monday morning rolled around, it was already time to leave Darwin and its tropical weather and head south to the centre of Australia, and more specifically Alice Springs and the world-famous Uluru/Ayers Rock. With that in mind, we picked up our next relocation van and headed out of the city. Our first day on the road was a short one though, as we decided to go on one of the famous “jumping crocodile cruises” that are well-known in the Northern Territory. After driving down some serious back country roads to get to the boat departure point, Leeanna and I were more than ready to see some crocs. So with that in mind, we boarded a small boat with about 20 people or so and headed out in search of wild crocodiles. It didn’t take long, and within minutes our tour guide had a massive croc jumping out of the water to grab hunks of meat off a stick. It was pretty hairy, as we were able to get right up close to the crocs and they were often smashing into the side of the boat. We ended up probably seeing about ten different crocs of varying sizes, with the larger ones being over fifteen feet long! After surviving the crocodile adventure, we nearly ended up in a really bad situation when we almost ran out of gas in the middle of the outback with very few cars around and no mobile phone reception. Somehow, after driving for over eighty kilometres with the gas light on and my armpits decidedly getting sweatier by the minute we managed to roll (literally) into the town of Katherine and put 60.5 litres of petrol into a 60 litre tank. Phew! As we arrived into town after dark, most of the caravan parks were booked up, so we headed about fifteen kilometres out of town to a place known as Springvale Homestead, which in addition to being a caravan park is also apparently the oldest homestead in the Northern Territory. It’s also home to tons of wallabies that seem to be everywhere, and I narrowly avoided running over a few of the suckers on my way in.
Tuesday morning we woke up and headed over to a billabong in the caravan park to check out some of the local crocs who lived there. We managed to spot one, which gave everyone a scare, although I was more frightened by the birds that appeared to be half turkey, half dove that were lingering nearby. Definitely some of the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. Prior to departing Katherine that morning, the good ole girlfriend and I decided to take in a morning tour at the Katherine School of the Air. The school bills itself as the largest classroom in the world, as it covers over a million square kilometres. Basically it acts as a long distance classroom for kids living in remote parts of the country (cattle ranches, fishing communities, etc.), who connect to their teachers via satellite and internet feeds. It certainly requires a lot of discipline on the children’s parts, and I know that if I was going to school via satellite, I probably would have dropped out by senior kindergarten. Next on the busy day’s agenda was to call home for Father’s Day, which I was a day late on and feeling quite guilty about. Luckily my old man didn’t seem to mind too much as he has other kids and a wife who apparently love him more than I do. After departing Katherine with the weight of Father’s Day now off of me, we started heading south towards Alice Springs. We stopped for a quick break in the town of Matarenko (sp?) that was conveniently home to some lovely hot springs. I took a dip in the 34°C springs, although I couldn’t convince Leeanna to join me. What I did manage to do though, was sway her to drive a campervan for the first time. Fatigue has really started to cripple me lately while driving, so naturally it was time for the little lady to step up and man the ship. She did an admirable job, at least for a woman, and we arrived in the town of Tennant Creek for the night with our appendages still intact.
The next morning we woke up bright and early as we had a lot of ground to cover, namely about 1000 kilometres from Tennant Creek down to Uluru/Ayers rock. For those not in the know, Uluru as the local indigenous people call it is the largest monolithic rock in the world or some bullshit like that. It also happens to be the biggest tourist attraction in the Northern Territory, as let’s face it; people love to stare at gigantic rocks. The drive went off without a hitch, as we stopped for a short time in Alice Springs to seek some tourist advice and quickly stretch our legs. The drive itself was pretty boring to put it mildly, and after close to eleven hours on the road, I was quite happy to see Uluru and all that comes with it from the Stuart Highway. Since tours to Uluru have become such big business, there is a huge resort about fifteen kilometres away that has numerous hotels, shops, bars, and what seems to be one of the biggest and busiest caravan parks in the world. After settling in to our site and realizing we drank all of our booze the previous two nights, it’s safe to assume that the evening was a fairly tame affair of crosswords and staring into each other’s eyes longingly. Note: some details have been changed to make the writer seem like much more a romantic then he really his.
Thursday Leeanna and I were up at the crack of dawn as we had a full day of walking around rocks planned (Come on, who doesn’t love a good rock walk?). After packing up our trusty campervan, we drove over to the national park and promptly handed over $50, which has to be the highest fee in the world for admission to look at rocks. With that in mind we set out first to take a gander around Katja Tuta, which is another collection of gigantic rocks and such located within the park. We arrived there and took a nice 2.5 kilometre stroll through the rocks and gorges and ended up chatting lengthily with some old Australian dude who had competed in the 1956 Olympics for wrestling. The best part of the conversation though had to be when his sister (who was around 75 years old) told me quite directly that “pussies can’t wrestle”. Guess that explains why I was always on the tennis team in high school! Since we were now getting quite good at walking, upon arrival at Uluru I managed to convince Leeanna that we should walk the entire 11 kilometre track around the base of the world’s largest monolithic rock (I think that’s the claim to fame). Fortunately, we survived the walk, although we were pestered by flies to no end. At one point, Leeanna counted over 25 flies resting on my back, and I probably had another ten buzzing around my head and trying to nibble on my ear wax. On the unfortunate side, I did not experience any of the spiritual mumbo jumbo that supposedly comes from the rock. According to the Aboriginal people, Uluru is one of the most sacred and spiritual sites in the world. I’m still calling it a big motherfuckin’ rock. End of discussion. That night after our exhausting walks, we drove out to the designated car park they have in the park where you can go and watch the sunset over the rock. It really is quite magnificent as the sun setting causes the rock to change colours and provides all of us amateur photographers with a chance to get some amazing pictures. It was most definitely a great way to unwind after a day that saw way too much exercise for an out-of-shape wanker like me.
Friday morning I had to drag Leeanna out of bed as we had to drive about 500 kilometres into Alice Springs to return our campervan by the early afternoon. We made it with lots of time to spare, although we nearly took some damage when two dingoes (wild dogs) ran out in front of the van while I was driving at about 130 kilometres per hour. Luckily for the pooches I have cat-like (no pun intended) reflexes and I am only in the business of killing birds while driving. On that note, I have managed to drive over 10,000 kilometres in Australia and not kill anything... except for about 20-25 birds. The birds in the Southern Hemisphere seem to take great pride in nose-diving into my campervans and meeting a grisly end to their lives. After pulling into Alice Springs, we discovered we had gone over our kilometre allotment by about 200 kilometres and ended up having to fork out an extra $150. A great example of when trying to travel on a budget backfires! With our bank accounts significantly lighter from the fuel costs ($650 in under four days) and everything else that seems to be burning a hole in our pockets, we made our way over to our hostel (Toddy’s Backpacker’s [6/10]) that looked like it had been lifted right out of some 1970s porno film. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love wood panelling, squeaky mattresses and walls that are probably covered in cum shots, but it wouldn’t hurt to spruce the place up a little. I am also quite sure there were some hookers, or escorts as gentlemen like to call them, operating out of one of the rooms. With that in mind, we set out on the town that night to find the local institution/restaurant they call “The Overlanders”. Upon our arrival, we set foot into what seemed like a genuine throwback to the good ole wild west days, and the best decor I have even seen for an eatery. To try and be somewhat exotic, I ordered a “Bush Tucker” plate that came with samplings of crocodile, kangaroo, emu, and camel meat. I managed to throw them back and can say with the exception of the camel, they were all quite tasty. Leeanna on the other hand is a wimp (translation: likes to order the most expensive thing on the menu whenever I take her to a steak house) and opted to eat a filet mignon instead. All the food managed to stay down that night, which was aided quite nicely by the few jugs of beer we consumed thereafter to celebrate our arrival into the heart of Australia’s outback.
The next morning it was time to check out Alice Springs and all the booming metropolis of 25,000 people had to offer. The fact is, there really isn’t too much to do unless you actually head out of town. We made the executive decision to spend $7 each and check out the Royal Flying Doctor’s Museum and Tour. The two of us were educated in all things having to do with the art of providing medical services to people in remote areas, etc. I know, riveting stuff! The rest of the afternoon was spent shopping and going around taking pictures of goofy shit, like signs proclaiming “Men Only” and “Grog (Aussie slang for alcohol) Free Zone”. To get our party rolling that Saturday night, the two of us went on a hot date to do some cosmic bowling. As always, Brent won, because let’s face it, I’m a legend. This was followed by a trip to the hostel bar, for what was supposed to be a quick jug of beer at 9:30pm before we headed off to the room for the night. Instead, we ran into an Australian couple who insisted we head into town with them to the local hotspot “Bojangle’s”. Not wanting to be rude, I happily obliged and Leeanna and I were off to the races. Much like the restaurant we had ate at the night before, the bar was tackily/awesomely done up in a very cowboy theme. Naturally, we proceeded to get right fucked up and go back to our new found friends’ place at 2:30am, to watch their dog go crazy and do lots of goofy shit. And before you ask, yes I am actually 26 years old, as shocking as that may sound at times.
Sunday morning was a good reminder of why I don’t drink as hard as I used to do. Hangovers seem to get worse the older I get and my recovery time is bordering on a full day. Eventually, Leeanna and I scraped ourselves out of bed around lunch time and headed into town to check out the local markets and climb some big hill (ANZAC Hill) that provided us with views of the town and the surrounding mountain ranges. As we were both in fine form, this was more than enough activity for one day and we promptly retired to the hostel for the remainder of the day. We only re-emerged later that evening to go and check out the new flick, “Get Him To The Greek”. Must say it was quite an enjoyable little piece of cinema, although I still haven’t quite learned how to enjoy the Australian art of paying $15 to $20 for a movie ticket.
Monday morning it was time to pack up and get the hell out of the cool winter weather (highs around 20°C) of Alice Springs and head to the east coast and the tropical resort town of Cairns, where every day is generally a beautiful one. We not-so-sadly packed up our bags and headed to the airport to catch our flight. We had to connect through Uluru airport so we got one more prime look at “the rock”. From there, we had a two hour flight to the far north of Queensland on a near empty plane, as there were only 19 people on a plane that had a capacity of 115. Suffice to say, the Qantas service was top-notch!
And now, after falling way behind on my blogs for a few weeks, I can officially say I am caught up, again! Leeanna and I have just checked into our hostel in Cairns, equipped with our own balcony and what appears to be a lovely room. So on this most glorious of Monday nights with our beers in hand, I say to you, have a great Canada Day and enjoy the “northern summer”!
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