The 2nd of December is a day I am not allowed to forget as I might be subject to such things as female-on-male violence or getting my testicles chopped off. Judging by that, you can guess it was my second year anniversary to my lovely girlfriend Leeanna, who in actuality has not committed an act of violence against me in quite some time. Anyways, to get back on track with my tall tales here, we arrived by bus into Melbourne at about 7am after a lovely 12 hour voyage that involved some guy talking very loudly on his cell phone for a long time, a Matthew McConaughey movie, and no one getting their head-chopped off a la Greyhound (sorry I just had to). Upon landing in our new city, we tried for over an hour to figure out what tram we should take to get to our hostel. We never did figure it out correctly, but we got there through a solid combination of smarts and prostitution. After dropping our bags off at our hostel (Victoria Hall [7.5/10]), we took a stroll through the city to get our bearings in what we were hoping would be our future home. We went for quite the walkabout and took in such sights as Federation Square, Rod Laver Arena (tennis, Australian Open), the Melbourne Cricket Grounds, and other stuff that I’m sure no one cares about. As we were sitting on a bench enjoying the sunshine that afternoon, a little birdy decided to give me an anniversary present in the form of a big shit on my shoulder. Leeanna was quite amused as I tried to claim back my now defecated on shirt. That night we went out for dinner to a place called Mama Parma’s and had what is apparently a Melbourne signature dish, the parma. It is basically just breaded chicken or veal that is then topped with a variety of pizza-style toppings. It was quite delicious, although we could not even eat half of it and apparently there is a law in the state of Victoria that does not allow you to take home your leftovers. So sad! Apparently this is due to a lawsuit a few years ago, something I figured would have happened long ago in the United States.
Thursday, after much deliberation and really no research we decided that we were going to make Melbourne our temporary home for the next 3 months. We spent a good part of the day browsing the internet for apartments with not much luck, as most realtors are not willing to let you sign a rent contract for anything less than 6 months. We ended up going to look at one apartment that was located right in the heart of the city and was priced right at about $1200 a month fully furnished. Naturally the apartment was a super-tiny 180 square feet. We told the agent we would give him a call back about his shoebox. For a nightcap, the wife and I headed over to the Ed Hardy Bowling Center (this country seems to rather enjoy Jon Gosselin’s brand of choice) to do some stylish 10 pin bowling. Unfortunately they were full though, and we ended up going to a very similar joint around the corner called Striker Bowling. It was equally chic, with a nice bar, nice lanes, and a great atmosphere. I guess bowling is a lot cooler here than back home. Following our sad attempt at recreating “Kingpin”, we headed back to the hostel to the theatre room and started to watch “Hancock”. In short, the movie sucked and we went to bed.
The next morning it was much of the same, as we perused the internet for apartments and made some calls. We didn’t have much luck, but decided to go and check out one place later in the day. Before that we went over to the Melbourne Gaol (jail, to us Yanks) which was located directly across from our hostel. It is actually one of the top tourist draws in the whole country. It is the oldest jail in Victoria, and has been home to its fair share of top-notch criminals. Amongst those, by far the most well known is Ned Kelly, the Outback Outlaw, who has been portrayed in movies by none other than Heath Ledger and the world’s ugliest man, Mick Jagger. At our apartment viewing, there were a shit-ton of people there, and although we liked the apartment, figured we didn’t have a chance as foreigners and just decided to give up on it. After much discussion about whether or not we wanted to live in a share-house or just get our own pad that would be significantly smaller and danker, we decided on the latter. Luckily (or maybe unluckily!), the first apartment we had viewed was still available and we agreed to meet the realtor to get the paperwork done. As night fell we went out for a nice Friday night sidewalk pasta dinner and stroll through the downtown district before retiring to our ultra-noisy hostel room. Gotta love paper thin windows and walls when you’re located on a busy thoroughfare!
Saturday the 5th of December, 2009 shall officially go down in history as the day that Brent Moreau signed his first real estate papers (aren’t you proud Mom and Dad?). Prior to our meeting with the real estate agent, we headed over to the Melbourne Museum which is apparently the largest museum in the southern hemisphere. I have noticed that things in Australia love to claim they are “the largest in the southern hemisphere”. It was very similar to the Royal Ontario Museum, although it was cheaper to get in ($8) and was much more advanced technologically with regards to interactive exhibits, etc. At 2pm we headed over to OzAsia (no joke) Realty to sign the papers for our big 3 month lease. Everything went okay and we were now the proud renters of 180 square feet on the 14th floor of an old building at the corners of Flinders and Spencer Streets. Our “fully-furnished” apartment consisted of a small bathroom, a futon that doubles as a double bed, a 13” TV with 4 channels, a table that doubles as the TV stand, 2 folding chairs, a small wardrobe, and the world’s smallest kitchenette that includes a microwave, mini-fridge, sink, and minimal cutlery. That’s it folks! Oh, and I did I mention that it is 180 square feet including the bathroom? Haha! That afternoon, Leeanna and I did our first ever domestic shopping for such exciting things as cleaning products, pillows, sheets, and tea towels! We were able to equip or shoebox for under $100 and celebrated by eating Subway yet again for dinner. That night to break in our new place we watched the epic film “Titanic” that was airing on one of our 4 channels. And no, this is not a joke!
Sunday marked another first: the first time I ever grocery shopped with the intent of my long-term consumption in my mind. Now I know why my Mom bitches about how much food we eat. One of the things I have yet to figure out is why produce costs so much in Australia when everything is grown here. Our afternoon consisted of a nice walk along the river which is a minute from our apartment and a stroll through the Crown Casino to check out the facilities (you can guess where this is going). After some delicious gelato (Italian ice cream for those of you who are less cultured) we returned to catch the last bit of the Australian Open golf event on TV. That night I was unfortunately itching to go gambling, as I now literally lived not even 5 minutes from the Crown Casino poker room. Unfortunately things did not go as planned (never do lately) and I lost $500 in the course of about 3.5 hours playing 2/3 No Limit Hold’em and 10/20 Limit Omaha. I have concluded that I just really suck at poker now. I have gone from a few years ago being a fairly successful (and profitable) low/mid-limit player to a bad, losing player with no confidence in my game. I’m like a horse that’s too old to race; I need to be taken out to pasture and shot. That might be a bit harsh but you get the idea.
Today (Monday, the 7th of December), shall be my last official daily entry for a while, as we are now settled down in our apartment and shall attempt to live a somewhat normal life for a while. Bank accounts and tax file (same as SIN numbers in Canada) were the order of business today! I will post weekly updates of what’s happening Down Under with Leeanna and I, as well as my thoughts and opinions on the culture or lack thereof. Again, thank you to everyone who reads and stay classy!
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