The next day I woke up on the floor in my room, with puke on my sleeve and the worst hangover on my mind. I am pretty sure I was still drunk as I made my way to the shower and eventually lugged my ass to the train station. The wifey and I caught a train to Katoomba in the Blue Mountains which is a couple of hours outside of Sydney. We checked into our hostel (The Flying Fox [5.5/10]) which was full of hippies and gypsies. After some rest, we took to the town to partake in some very Australian activities such as eating Domino’s Pizza and shopping at K-Mart. I know, we are very exotic! That night while I was taking a quick stroll through town on my own around 11pm or so, I came back to the hostel to find a bunch of people out front. After asking Leeanna what was up, it was revealed that some big fat greasy pervert/thief was going up to the windows and peeping in or maybe trying to steal stuff. Good times all around.
Monday we arose bright and early as we were rip-roaring ready to go and take in all the sights of the Blue Mountains. We headed down to the shop to buy our tickets for the hop-on-hop-off trolley, only to find out that it would be raining all day and the entire region was covered in the thickest fog this side of I Know What You Did Last Summer. Regardless, we boarded the bus with all the camera-happy Asians who insisted on pissing the driver off with their questions and demands about where and what to see. It was like watching a really bad game of broken telephone. Leeanna and I ended up hiking a few trails in the rain and trying to see The Three Sisters, although it was mostly a waste of time, as none of the pictures turned out and we couldn’t see shit. After the disappointment of The Three Sisters, we headed over to Scenic World, where we took a ride on the world’s steepest train down into the rainforest. After strolling through the rainforest at the bottom and getting even wetter, we took a ride back up on a cable car that cut through all these mountains. Only problem was it was so foggy it seemed as though the cable car was taking me on a one way trip to heaven through the clouds, which I knew was in fact not true as I am clearly going to hell along with Dustin Diamond and Milli from Milli and Vanilli. Although we didn’t get to see much, I know from the overpriced postcards I saw that this area is definitely worth checking out if the weather is right.
So after we awoke from the second sleepless night in our hostel (room was too quiet/no fan, outside was noisy/train goes by the hostel and rattles the fuckin’ thing numerous times a night) we took the train back into Sydney where we had arranged to rent a car. This may seem like no biggy, except for the fact that in Australia they drive on the other side of the road and outside of the major downtowns most traffic lights are replaced by roundabouts. To combat this, the rental company charges foreign drivers an extra $5 a day (guess we suck at this opposite driving thing). With no idea what we were doing, we loaded our gear into our rented ’09 Corolla and told the GPS to take us 400km north to the coastal town of Port Macquaire. I don’t know about you, but if I’m learning to drive in a new country, nothing does it better than a 5 hour drive in the rain when you’re tired. At first, I was really scared and hit a couple of curbs, but now other than the occasional guy giving me the “fuck-off” sign in a roundabout I seem to have mastered the art of driving on the other side. I must say though that without my friend Susan (yes my GPS has a name) I would be totally up shit creek. After arriving and checking in at our hostel (Ozzie Pozzie Backpackers [8.5/10]), we did a whole lot of nothing. That night, the owners had a BBQ with all-you-can-eat sausage which I took full advantage of. It took Leeanna a little longer to warm up to the sausages, as the resident senior prankster/lounger Phil told her that some of them were koala sausages that he obtained from the local koala hospital after the koalas died. Mmmm…tastes like chicken.
Up until Wednesday, we had really seen very little in the way of wildlife outside of a few dozen very large cockroaches and a few thousand flying-fox bats. That was all about to change very soon. First things first though, in the morning we went to the mall and purchased a mobile phone, which we figured would probably be a good thing to own considering we would be doing a lot of driving over the next week with Susan and the gang. Next stop was a nature walk through this massive park in the middle of town. At first all we saw were more flying-foxes, which quite frankly just aren’t what I think of when I think of Australian wildlife. But as we made our way through some eucalyptus trees we were fortunate enough to spot two koalas lounging in the same tree. Now I know I sound flaming gay when I say this but they have to be the cutest animals ever. Right up there with porcupines in my book. We managed to keep our animal sightings rolling and saw some turtles, exotic birds, and a big lizard on our walk through the forest. Next on our action-packed agenda was to head over to the koala hospital, but not before a visit to the driving range. It was a really bizarre driving range, as you drove the balls into water, but it was a really small pond so the only club you could use/they had was a pitching wedge. The pond had a bunch of targets on it that if you hit you could win prizes like a free dinner cruise, free bowling, $50 cash, etc. Long and short, Leeanna and I hit a combined zero targets. Following our Tiger Woods like performance, we headed over to the not-for-profit koala hospital. There, they had tons of koalas from all over the area that are rescued from things like dog attacks, forest fires, car accidents, etc. I really wanted to steal one, but thought better of it once I saw how sharp their claws were. After a lengthy romantic walk along the beach that night (I’m a regular Casanova what can I say), we headed to the local cinema to take in the flick New Moon. Not nearly as good as the first movie, but then again the fact that I was watching it in a theatre that looked like it may have been the first one ever built in Australia back in the 1700’s may have contributed to my overall review.
Thursday, we back-tracked down the eastern seaboard to an area known as Port Stephens and more specifically Nelson’s Bay. We stayed in one of the more unique hostels (Melaleuca Backpackers [8/10]) I have ever had the privilege of staying in. It was very outdoorsy and reminded me of a cross between a nature retreat and the Swiss Family Robinson set. The place had a domesticated kangaroo, domesticated wild birds (oxymoron, yes I know), dogs, possums, koalas, and I’m sure tons of other critters I don’t even want to think about! That afternoon we headed over to Nelson’s Bay and took a ferry to see the dolphins. The dolphins swam with our boat for a while, amazing me and all the little kids around me watching. I tried snapping about 15 pictures, but none of them turned out. Guess that’s what happens when you use an $80 camera to try and capture high speed porpoises. After our dolphin adventure we went out for dinner at Hog’s Breath Café before returning to the “country” hostel. Leeanna had a lot of trouble sleeping that night as she is paranoid about all of the different things that go bump in the night. Needless to say she came running into the room in the middle of the night and woke me up and told me that the birds had chased her into the bathroom and then things got worse in the toilet as there were two possums waiting for her in there. I’m pretty sure I just rolled over and went right back to sleep.
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