Day 91- Finding Out Your Friend Is Engaged While You're Sleeping Naked On The Toilet. All In A Day's Work.

Rising at some ungodly hour by vacation standards, Colleen set off for the dive shop on her own as she was heading out on an all day diving trip to Sail Rock.  Sail Rock is apparently the premier dive site in the Gulf of Thailand, although I sadly may never know for myself.  Single tear.  With the woman out of my hair for the second straight day in a row(!), I decided to do what I do best: sleep.  Sometime, a few hours later I eventually worked enough energy to decide that I was going to go for a lengthy walk to the next beach over, Mae Haad.  I quickly concluded that my plan from the previous day of just sitting inside and watching TV was the much smarter thing to do.  Between the sweltering tropical heat and my fat ass, it was a born recipe for lots of drink breaks and much panting.  Somehow I made it back to Sairee Beach (where we were staying) and rewarded myself for the excellent workout by promptly packing on all the calories I had just lost and then some!



Colleen and her Sail Rock crew. We can only assume I was still sleeping at this point.



My fair lady made it back around dinner time and she was a little bummed out because the underwater visibility that day was garbage and she didn't get to see as much marine life as she had hope for.  Oh well, nothing like a little alcohol to wash the pains of a disappointing dive day away!  With that we headed back to old faithful, Chopper's Bar and Grill, as there was a big shindig there with lots of the people Colleen had been diving with that day.  Our buddy Prat was there, my lifesaver Amber, as well as Colleen's new friend Amy she had met diving that day.  After slamming a few drinks there, we moved on to Banyan Bar, an outdoor bar (see hut with some picnic tables setup) that is a spot where many of the dive instructors and such hangout.  This was complimented by some beers and a few servings of a mixed drink called a "tight bastard" which I still have no idea what it is.  I can safely say this was the beginning of the end for us. 



Amber, myself, Colleen, and Amy.  If only I had stopped there.



 

From there, we somehow got dragged into going to Maya Beach Club, another one of the island's fine drinking establishments.  It was around this time that things started to get a little fuzzy and all I remember was me dropping beer bottles (and naturally walking away as if I had nothing to do with it) and Colleen professing her love for all those around her.  Class act we are.  Apparently the party didn't stop there for us, and we hit up another club, Fish Bowl, and then visited our buddy from a couple of nights earlier, the "Pancake Man".  I'd be lying to you if I said I remembered any of this.

Later that night back at the hotel (we shall assume Colleen carried me back there), I decided to strip down to my birthday suit and take advantage of our expansive bathroom.  The only problem was I fell asleep on the can.  While I was catching some much needed zzzzz's, Colleen logged on to her Facebook and discovered that one of my good friends, Derek Simpson, had just gotten engaged.  I no doubt promptly went back to sleep in all my naked gloriousness on my porcelain perch and instantly forgot about it.

~Brentski~

Follow-up:  When I woke up (in my bed FYI[!]) the next morning I remember wondering to myself if in fact Derek had gotten engaged.  I wasn't sure if I was dreaming our not, as my mental skills were beyond non-existent by the end of the previous night.  It was true, he was engaged and he is now married to his lovely wife Vanessa.  I hope she keeps a shorter leash on him than Colleen does on me!

Day 89- Back To Koh Tao For The Ladyboy Cabaret. Oh, And To Do Some Diving Eventually.

 

Mercifully our overnight bus ride from hell came to an end around 3am as we were unceremoniously dropped off in some random parking lot in the town of Chumphon.  The one major problem was that we were a good 15 kilometers from where we were told we would be dropped off at the ferry terminal.  The American guy from the bus (the guy banging back Valiums) kept arguing with the bus driver and telling him that we were supposed to be get dropped off at the pier, but alas his argument fell on deaf ears.  Rather conveniently there were a couple of cabs waiting for us in the parking lot, which seemed just a tad bit suspicious seeing as how it was 3am in the morning.  I'm sure the bus driver had a little deal with the cabbies going, but hey who the hell am I to judge some scam artists trying to make a buck.  Eventually we bartered a group rate with one of the cabbies who drove us in the back of his pickup truck down to the pier for 50 baht (under $2 each). 

As if our travel day had not been long enough, we still had over three hours to kill before the ferry would be departing to Koh Tao.  While we did our best to sleep at the decrepit ferry terminal, it was really difficult as there were backpackers/travelers laying everywhere and cockroaches running around like they were thoroughbreds at the Kentucky Derby.  Alas, I passed the hours talking to Captain America about his time as a fisherman in Alaska.  With the amount of pills he had popped that night though there was a good chance he didn't remember a word he said to me and I wasn't even sure how the hell he was still conscious.

Boarding the ferry was a great feeling as it was the home stretch before we made it back to Koh Tao.  Our reason for returning was that Colleen really, really, really wanted to do some more diving before we left and she had a minor love affair with the island.  Better an island than another man I suppose.  Colleen had also gotten wind that one of her friends from Kamloops, Ashley, would probably be on the island at the same time as us.  Well low and behold, who did she run into on the ferry?  Hint: it wasn't Bilbo Baggins.  I was also happy to see that our heavily medicated bus mates' valium had finally caught up with him and he was now unconscious in front of the bathroom door.  While I found it entertaining, I am not too sure the people who had to use the shitter found it quite as enjoyable. 

Knowing what to expect this time around as we disembarked from our three hour boat ride, the sight of hundreds of cabbies trying to coddle you into their vehicles at the pier was not as overwhelming as before. Unlike on our last visit, this time we were able to find our resort's shuttle driver who dropped us off at our new home for the next few days, Simple Life Resort.  Since we couldn't check in yet, we headed out for some lunch before making our way over to Roctopus Dive to get Colleen registered for some scuba dives.  As mentioned, I could not dive due to my ear problem that I had encountered, although I'm sure everyone there just probably thought I was too chicken shit (see: a little bitch!). 



Colleen's lovin' the digs!





I got my own urinal.  Guess I can check that off my bucket list.



With the diving reservations all sorted, we headed back to the hotel to check out our new digs.  Unfortunately we didn't beat the pouring rain and by the time we made it to the hotel we were wetter than....(insert your own joke here).  On a positive note, we had paid a little more than we were used to in Thailand for a room, but boy was it worth it.  We had a huge room, an even bigger bathroom, and my favorite part, I had my own urinal!  That's when you know you have arrived in life: you have your own urinal.  Apparently the God of the Bathrooms felt it necessary for me to put the urinal to good use that afternoon after my multiple attempts at napping were rudely interrupted by my frequent urinations.  I could have sworn I had a bladder infection, but I'm told such things are extremely rare in men. 

To make up for spending our Valentine's Day in the back of a minivan the night before, Colleen and I went out to celebrate a day late.  We hit up a lovely little joint called Portobello, and it was definitely the cheapest Valentine's dinner I had ever had.  To eat at a "semi-fancy" restaurant with adult drinks included, our bill still only came to $25!  And that is why we love you Thailand.  After dinner we headed over to the slightly less romantic confines of Chopper's Bar and Grill.  There we met up with our old buddy Prat for a bit, before he buggered off (some people have to work in the morning) and left Colleen and I on our own.  Being the ever persuasive she-devil woman that she is, Colleen convinced me that we should head over to check out the ladyboy cabaret.  I figured it couldn't hurt (as long as I didn't get left alone) and the next thing I knew we were sitting on the front row of a cabaret show with a bunch of dudes dressed in women's clothes.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, some of the ladyboys in Thailand are actually not that bad looking (all things considered) and it is pretty easy to see how many a drunk tourists "accidentally" end up taking home someone with a surprise package in their pants.  Having said that, many of them are just straight up ugly, and have about as good chance of being identified as a woman as Chyna from WWE.  We stuck it out at the cabaret show for a while, and lasted right to the end of the show when they all popped their shirts off as part of the grand finale.  This was extra fascinating as some of them had actual breast augmentation while others just simply strutted around in padded bras and were as flat as a six-year old boy when the tops came off.  All of them appeared to "tape" their junk (use your imagination)...that is unless they  had some heavy duty surgery.  I wasn't about to ask.  

Ladies...or men...lookin' good!

Hubba hubba.

Sweet dance moves.

Not sure who is photobombing who here.

Colleen and I with one of the surgically enhanced "ladies".

Colleen making new friends.

On our way back to the hotel from the show, we encountered a group of young drunk males, and low and behold one of them was trying to pick up a ladyboy.  At first the guy didn't realize what he was doing, and then all of a sudden he yelled, "those are dudes!!!".  Classic.   By this point I myself was pretty intoxicated and felt a visit to the Youtube sensation known as the "Pancake Man" was in order.  Yes, even Thailand now has their own online stars.  My drunkenness also led to me failing in the bushes outside our room as I attempted to go all stealth on some creature that was presumably hiding there and waiting to kill us.  Whatever it was, it survived, and provided Colleen with a good laugh at my expense.

The "Pancake Man" in action.



~Brentski~