This will be my second last blog where I am playing catch-up, as I have been for the last two-and-a-half months. I freely admit this has been due to sheer laziness and the fact that I would rather watch Dr. Phil and Oprah. I hereby solemnly swear to myself that I shall make a valiant effort to track my travels/life week to week in Australia rather than trying to remember events months after they happened. On that note, Leeanna and I are going to be taking a 3-day trip down to the island of Tasmania (yes, where the Tasmanian Devil is from) next week and hopefully I feel energetic enough to write a report upon our return.
In the mean time though…
Due to the fact that I make very little money at my job, I must admit I along with my girlfriend (okay, mostly me) have turned to petty crime in an attempt to save money Down Under. First and foremost, we generally never pay for the tram services which travel all over the city and cost between $3 and $4 per ride. Your tickets only get checked if an inspector comes on the tram, in which case you will be fined $160 for not having a valid ticket. In the last few weeks Leeanna and I have started to ride around with blank tickets (inactivated) you can buy from 7-11 convenience stores that you don’t activate until you put them into the machine on the tram. We simply just never activate them and figure that if we get caught we will play dumb with the tram inspectors, as we are just “tourists” and didn’t know any better. For the first couple of months we lived here we would just buy tickets occasionally, and luckily the one day we were checked we had both randomly decided to buy tickets as we were heading north of the city into uncharted territory. Other than that, Leeanna has been checked one time on her own and again luckily she had a ticket (couple months ago). We haven’t purchased a legitimate ticket in weeks though, and I am curious to see what is going to happen to us the first time we get caught. So far I reckon the total savings on tram tickets to be well over $200, and the tally only grows by the day! CRIMINAL!
Another scam I am running on the regular is trying to pocket tips at my place of work. Normally all of our tips are supposed to go into a jar at the front of the restaurant, where it is then divided amongst the employees on a week-to-week basis. I generally get less than $40 per week which is totally ridiculous considering the amount of tips I generate sometimes (especially on weekends). I suspect the owners pocket a lot of the money and give more to their “favourite” employees. I try to grab whatever I can out of my bill folds if no one is looking, although since the holiday season my direct tips have gone way down. Most nights I leave with nothing, although there are still the occasional nights where I can pull down anywhere from $1 to $35. A lot of luck of the draw with customers, etc as tipping is the exception and not the rule here. All-in-all I reckon I’ve been able to pull down an extra few hundred dollars in my time at the restaurant through “tip-pocketing/jamming tips in my pocket when no one is around” which I have no doubt pumped right back into Melbourne’s bar and restaurant economy. Sadly, the other night I also stole some cutlery from the restaurant for personal use at home. I have been trying to steal drinking glasses and plates as well, but so far have been unsuccessful at finding an apt moment to smuggle them into the backroom and into my backpack. Sad and pathetic, yes I know. CRIMINAL!
Probably the activity I am most ashamed/proud of is the one I pulled off the other day. It all started when I had to go buy a new pair of shoes for work as my old pair had become worn out. I trekked over to the Big W (think Wal-Mart) and found a pair I liked for $36. In a brief moment of genius/absurd cheapness I decided that I would switch the price tag on the shoes with that of a pair that were only $16. I figured no one would ever catch on (unless they were watching the security cameras) as I would casually go through the self check-out and be on my way. The one thing I didn’t count on/remember from my time at Home Depot is that the self check-out machines recognize the weight of items, and the shoes I was purchasing were a lot heavier than the ones I had stolen the tag off of. Sure enough, a cashier had to come over when I had an “unexpected item in bagging area” and started to have grandeur visions of spending my night in Australian jail for trying to save $20 on shitty work shoes. After what seemed like an eternity (was probably 5 seconds) the cashier looked in my bag, saw that they were in fact shoes I was buying and promptly fixed it up for me. I breathed a sigh of relief; giggling to myself the whole way out the store thinking about how pathetically low I had just stooped in my quest to save myself $20. CRIMINAL!
My last great scam is not really so much a scam as much it was an observation I had made over time and seeing the opportunity to capitalize on said observation. The last three weeks Leeanna and I have been going to the movies on Tuesday afternoons at the Crown Casino. The last two weeks we bought tickets from the box office on the lower level and noticed that when you go up the escalators to the theatres there was no one checking tickets. Sure enough when we went to the movies again this week (“Shutter Island”, awesome film!), we scoped out the top of the escalators and saw that no one was checking tickets. Therefore we just walked right up casually and tried to figure out which of the eight theatres was showing “Shutter Island” (they don’t have a display outside each entrance telling you what’s playing inside, as it normally tells you on your ticket!). We found it by following what looked like the type and size of crowd that would be watching that film and voila, we were in like sin! I reckon I may try and do this all the time during the weekdays when I go to the movies, as it isn’t possible at night as they employ their ticket-checkers. CRIMINAL!
Anyways, I must be off to go and hit up every 7-11 store in the area (there’s like 15 within a 10 minute walk of my apartment) to load up on Monster Energy drinks. They are having a one day sale, where they are selling them for $1 each (limit of 8 per customer, per store), which is a great deal considering they normally sell for $4.30 per can. I’ve already bought 8 this morning and definitely see some more cans on the horizon this afternoon! I love caffeine! I’m sure Leeanna will be amused when she gets home from work.
On that note, if anyone doesn’t here from for a while, just assume I have been locked up in jail for petty crime and should hopefully see you in twenty-five to life!
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