There is nothing quite like the feeling of waking up at the
crack of dawn on vacation...At least that's what I hear from lots of old
people. Colleen and I generally prefer
to wake up around lunch time when given the option and go from there. So with that, sometime around most average
people's lunch hour we took the hotel shuttle bus into town. And by shuttle bus I of course mean modified
pickup truck where you just sit in the back of said truck while it whizzes down
the highway at 100 kilometers per hour.
Apparently Best Western's in the Eastern Hemisphere have different codes
of conduct for guest safety than they do in the West.
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| Two tickets to the gun show anyone? |
Once safely landed in the tourist town of Hua Hin, we strolled
around and took in the sights, including the rail station, some statue of a
boxer I had never heard of, Starbucks, McDonalds, and of course Burger King. Yup, it's safe to say that Thailand is
completely overrun! In fact, when we
went in to the BK (I've heard that's what the kids are calling it these days)
we noticed that there was not even one sign/menu written in Thai. The entire store looked as if it had been ripped
right out of suburban Ontario. And the
prices were the exact same, if not higher than they are in Canada! Thankfully, my faith that all was still not
right in Thailand was restored when we spotted a bathroom outside the train
station that said "Toilet For Cripple". I'm not sure if something got lost in
translation there, or if political correctness as it pertains to people of
disabilities in nonexistent in Southeast Asia.
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| This just oozes political correctness. |
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| Ronald is a man of many faiths (as long as there is money to made)! |
Seeing as how the vast majority of people who come to
Thailand do so for its
sex tourism magnificent beaches, Colleen and I
figured that it was probably time for us to head down to the water and catch
our first glimpse of the Gulf of Thailand.
Almost immediately upon hitting the sand, we were harassed like crazy by
a seemingly endless stream of vendors and similar minded folks.
All of the dudes were super eager for us to sit
in their beach chairs and we held out for as long as we could.
Eventually, we caved and grabbed a seat from
a sketchy teenager who looked like an extra from
Bangkok Dangerous and ordered a couple of overpriced, shitty
tasting cocktail drinks off of him.
The
drinks were so terrible that we couldn't even finish them, and anyone who knows
me knows that it would have to be a pretty terrible drink for ME not to finish
it.
To make matters worse, when we went
to leave we were informed that we also had to pay a "chair fee" of
about $3.50 each for the privilege of sitting in their chairs.
Let me just say that my first impression of
beach culture in the Thailand was off to a less than favorable start.
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| Really mature Colleen! |
Since neither of us thought to bring our bathing suits to
the beach (we're smart like that) we spent the rest of the afternoon wandering
around the streets of Hua Hin.
After our
disappointing drinks along the beach, we stopped for some drinks at a "regular"
land-based bar.
I decided to play it
safe and stick with beer, while Colleen kept trying her luck (and striking out)
with mixed drinks.
During our wandering,
we happened to come across a
massage place that had some fish tanks out front
that were full of sucker fish and had signs praising the virtues of sticking
your feet in these tanks and having the fish eat away at all of your dead
skin.
There was a Russian dad and his
two kids getting their limbs eaten away in the one tank, so Colleen decided
that I just had to do it (She was too afraid)!
Not really sure what to expect, I paid the lady a few bucks and plunged my
feet into the tank.
Within a second or
two, I literally had hundreds of fish clinging to the lower half of my
legs
and it would be safe to assume that
I was thoroughly creeped out.
I
immediately drew the attention of everyone nearby, including the Russians as it
was apparent that the fish LOVED my legs a lot more than anybody else.
They couldn't get enough!
I'm not sure if it was the fact that I had a
lot of dead skin or that the fish were trying to use my hairy legs as some sort
of sucker fish mating ground, but whatever it was they did not want to let go
of me!
Thankfully after about 15 minutes
or so, I was able to emerge in one piece, and it was probably safe to assume
that those fish would never see another pair of legs quite as hairy as mine!
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| Seems legit enough. |
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| Enjoying every second of it... |
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| Don't get lost in my leg hairs little fellas! |
|
|
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| Well I guess Doctor Fish are less painful than getting a finger up my butt. |
Having survived the fish tank of death, Colleen and I
decided to head back to the shuttle bus/pickup truck stop.
Not entirely unexpectedly, given Thai
people's lack of punctuality, our ride never showed up and we instead got to
take our first ever ride on a
tuk-tuk, which we shared with a German couple who
were also waiting to get back to our hotel.
Tuk-tuks seem to be the symbolic vehicle of Thailand, even if they are
mostly used for touting around tourists these days.
Q: What is a tuk-tuk?
A: Wikipedia defines it
as " a common means of public transportation in many
countries in the world. An auto rickshaw is a usually three-wheeled cabin cycle
for private use and a vehicle for hire".
We survived the
ride in the overgrown tricycle and once back at the hotel, I promptly started
researching "fish massages" online.
What I discovered was that the practice was banned in many U.S. states
and Canadian provinces for fear of hygiene issues, although there had yet to be
any reports of serious illness or side effects.
Oh well, at least for the first time in my life I took out health
insurance before we left home, so I would sleep easy. That night we decided to check out some
restaurant down the road from where we were staying that I believe was called
"Giant Restaurant". All I can
really remember is that they had a great setup, beautiful outdoor landscaping,
really crappy entertainers and servers, and gigantic menus that were larger than
most kids' grade four bristol board projects on King Arthur. Such is Thailand!
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| Giant menus indeed! |
|
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| Giant Restaurant, Hua Hin. |
~Brentski~
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