My last week in Australia started off a lot like my first, feeling like shit and in dire need of Advil. Kiel and I awoke on the lovely morning of Sunday, November 14th and decided that since we had a few hours to kill before our overnight bus ride down the coast to Sydney, some exercise might be in order. And with that energetic thought in our minds, we joined the English girl Kate from our dorm room on a three hour round trip trek to the Byron Bay lighthouse. It also happens to be home to the most easterly point on the Australian mainland (translation: it’s one of the first places in the world to start off each and every lovely day!). Of greater concern though was making sure Kiel did not die during the excursion, which contained an abundance of hills and the thermometer clipping off at a fairly high temperature. After much suffering and longing, the three of us made it back in one piece, with Kate obviously in considerably better shape than the Moreau boys. Once we decided that we had had enough exercise for the day, we chilled out at the hostel until about dinner time, before making our way to the bus stop. From there, it was a long, boring, overnight twelve hour bus ride down the coast to Sydney and what would be our final destination before making our way back to Canada. The ride itself was pretty uneventful compared to some of the ones I’ve had, with the main highlight being Kiel snoring at a decibel level that would make his father proud!
Monday morning we pulled into the Sydney bus station around 6:30am and trekked over to our hostel (Wake Up! [8/10]), although it I think it would have been more appropriate to call it a hotel, as it was the biggest f-in hostel I had ever seen! We were told that since they were at a high capacity, we could not check-in and this led to us watching TV in the common area until 11:00am. When we were finally allowed to get into our room, we quickly showered and got dressed and attempted to make the free guided walking tour that our hostel was offering that morning. It seemed we spent a bit too much time beautifying ourselves and ended up being a few minutes late. The two of us tried to find the tour group out in the streets, but almost immediately it started to torrentially downpour. Kiel and I were having none of the rain, and for once (out of about a million times) our tardiness paid off! Instead of getting educated on Sydney in the pouring rain, we spent the afternoon milling about the hostel before going to the hostel’s bar for dinner and eventually returning there later at night to get our drink on. Apparently the staff weren’t too fond of us “getting our drink on”, as we both received our walking papers. Kiel got tossed for starting his own no-shirt party, and I’m pretty sure they kicked me out just for being an ugly motherfucker. Bastards!
The next day started like way too many of ours, in a haze, surrounded by a bunch of dudes in a dorm room, wondering what my forehead did to deserve this feeling. But, seeing as how crying gets you nowhere, I sprung to life and decided it was time to show Kiel the sights and sounds of beautiful Sydney. The two of us spent the better part of the day exploring the city on foot and taking in such attractions as the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Opera House, The Rocks, King’s Cross and Kiel’s personal favourite, the Botanical Gardens. I won’t bother explaining most of these things because if memory serves me correctly I did that about 856 blog entries ago when I first arrived Down Under. It was a solid day of walking, and it was clear that the only way to reward ourselves was to get sloshed on goon at the hostel before heading out on the town. Taking the recommendation of one chap in our room, we ended up at a spot called The Gaff and wouldn’t you know it, it was wet t-shirt competition night with all the slutty backpacker chicks! Now I know I should be focused on other things, but all I could do (aside from laugh hysterically) was think that these girls were some poor guys’ daughters. Then again, I’m sure people have seen me over the years and thought to themselves, “man I feel sorry for that guy’s parents”! Sometime during the evening, I decided to leave Kiel and hit up the McDonald’s where I somehow ended up in a pretty heated debate with a group of Finnish guys about who the best hockey players were to ever come out of their country. I’m pretty sure I won with Jaarko Ruutu, but one can never be too certain. This somehow led me and the Finnish chaps to head back to the club, before I eventually left after deciding it sucked and I couldn’t find Kiel. Follow this up with a long ass walk home on my own as I was out of cash, and you have the makings of a pretty average Tuesday night in Oz.
Wednesday morning arrived right on time, and with it, my last full day in Australia. Kiel and I again spent the day just strolling about the city and taking it easy. We made the decision the day before that we weren’t going to do anything too crazy on our last night, as we were staring down the barrel of a 24-hour commute to get home the next day. That evening, we headed up to King’s Cross (action central in Sydney for clubs, hookers, and all that jazz) and found a pub that had been advertising a weekly poker tournament with a $20 buy-in and $10 re-buys. Kiel and I signed up, grabbed some frothy ale and sat down with about 25 other people who found this to be a good form of entertainment on a Wednesday night. Long story short, the two of us made it down to the final four with the top three paying out. I believe the payouts were something to the effect of $90, $180, and $350. Sadly Kiel ended up finishing in fourth place, while I made it to the final two with a big chip lead over some French guy. Naturally, I buckled in the end and had to settle for second place, although after covering both of our buy-ins, re-buys, and beers for the night (so far) we were still up a bit of money. With my small profit in hand, Kiel and I headed to one of the many shady strip clubs that helps to give King’s Cross its reputation as the premier red light district in Australia. The place we ended up going to was definitely up there with the shadiest joints I’ve ever seen. We were hustled in by some dude who was coked out of his mind and charged us $20 each to get in before we were scammed $10 each for a beer. Then the dog-ugly waitress refused to give me my change and kept it for herself. It was around this time that we decided we would drink our one beer, sacrifice our cover charge and get the fuck up out of that joint! Oh, and did I mention the strippers were dog-ugly? Just class I tell ya! We closed out the night by spending what little of my profits were left at an Irish pub, before returning to spend what I imagined would be my last night in a hostel for some time to come.
Thursday morning we were up bright and early to catch our shuttle to the airport. The flight home was pretty uneventful. We flew from Sydney direct to Vancouver before flying on to Toronto. Seeing as how Sydney was sixteen hours ahead on the world clock, we arrived on Thursday night in Toronto despite the long flight. After one of the longest days of my life, it was certainly a welcome relief to see my Mom waiting for us at the airport! As much as I love travelling, I love coming home just as much and seeing my family and friends, cause at the end of the day, that’s what matters most in life!
Having said that, and before I get too emotional here (single tear anyone?), I just want to thank everyone who read any of my blogs. For those that read one paragraph, right on up to people who read multiple entries, thanks a bunch. Honestly, hearing people tell me they read my notes makes me happier than a pig in shit! Lastly, cheers to everyone who was a part of the stories that have taken place over the last 58,485 words. From my Melbourne crew at Medici to the warriors working out in Dingo and everyone I met in between, I must say it’s been real. Last but not least, thanks a lot to Leeanna and Kiel for putting up with me during their stays on the other side of the world and my roommates/parents for letting me back into their home!
Until next time, stay classy and remember the world’s a big place...why not explore it?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010- These Don’t Taste Like Regular Cookies To Me.
Thursday morning I woke up early for no good reason and pretty much just rolled around in my bed for hours thinking about Bob Saget’s greatest television moments. Unfortunately, I could only recall about two or three and they all occurred on “Entourage”, so it ended up being a slow morning in the thoughts department. Since Kiel was again showing no signs of life, it was up to me to make things happen. I hit up the tour desk and booked us on a couple of excursions. The next morning we would be going on an all-day bus tour to a town called Nimbin, which is basically like the Amsterdam of Australia but on a much, much, much smaller scale. I also booked us into a surfing lesson for a couple of days later, as I had been now been in Australia for a year and had yet to touch a surfboard! Very un-Australian, I know. When Kiel finally rose from his stupor, we made our way down to the beach to take in the beautiful 25 degree weather and beaming sunshine. We set-up shop with our IPod and speakers like a couple of Portuguese soldiers and just took the day in. Regrettably for Kiel, he didn’t listen to me when I tried to warn him about the strength of the Aussie sun and how different it was from Canada. I offered to lather him up (sickening image, I know) with sunscreen to which he refused and in turn paid for it the rest of his vacation with the nastiest burns this side of “Backdraft”. I’m not exaggerating when I say his back was fire-engine red! After working on our skin cancer, we ended up spending the rest of the day and night chilling in the hostel, doing such productive things as playing Pac-Man and ping-pong. And then it happened...After five nights of straight partying, Kiel finally crashed and went to bed at 8:00pm without a single drop of beer or wine. I must say, it was an impressive run, but for someone who was claiming he was going to party for twelve nights straight, well let’s just say shit was weak! After Kiel and all the three year-olds around the world went to bed, I ended up hanging out and having a few bevos with some Dutch dude who claimed that his friends called him “Sanchez”, despite the fact that he was whiter than Casper. In addition to his peculiar nickname, he also happened to be a former semi-professional “Call of Duty” of player. Take in to account the fact that he was major pot head on his way to work in the weed capital of Australia, and you have yourself one interesting night of conversations.
The next morning, Kiel had to wake up bright and early (and he actually did), as it was time for us to do the epic tour to the town of Nimbin. What is a Nimbin you ask? Basically, it’s a town located a couple of hours inland from Byron Bay, where people are allowed to sell marijuana pretty openly and the coppers turn a blind eye to it. It’s the only such place like this in Australia, and a once dying dairy town now has a thriving, yet still technically illegal industry, based around shady drug dealers and hemp shops. We had arranged to go on “Jim’s Tour”, which features an amazingly knowledgeable hippy dude and bunch of people in their twenties and early thirties out for a day to get baked and ride around on a school bus listening to the likes of Afroman and Led Zeppelin. The first stop of the morning for our bus of thirty or so people was a liquor store for everyone to load up on beers for the long day ahead. Always a good call before 10:00am! Following a pretty lengthy drive and some crazy tunes, we rocked up to the town of Nimbin which was for lack of better words a one-street town. Everyone piled out of the bus and went their separate ways for an hour or so. Almost immediately upon descending into the town, Kiel and I were harassed by dudes trying to sell us their product. We elected to check out some of the hemp/bong shops first before deciding to pick-up off some guy outside a pub who looked like he hadn’t showered in a few days. On the main drag we also encountered an old Aboriginal woman selling “special cookies” at a rate of three for $20, which was another purchase we just couldn’t refuse. After downing our cookies and seeing all the non-existent sights in the shithole that is Nimbin, we made our way back to the bus and were headed on our way to some nature spot to chill out for a bit. At least that was the plan, until about half-way there the bus driver had to pull over because some dude in the back of the bus started tripping out like mad! He was pouring water all over himself and saying, “I’m that guy aren’t I”!? Golden moment number one! After calming him down, the bus got back on the road, but was forced to pull over a few minutes later when said dude had to get out of the bus and started puking on the side of the road in plain sight of everyone. Golden moment number two. Naturally, I took this as an opportunity to take some funny pictures of him. After vomiting like mad, Captain Trip-Out then decided to lie on the road in front of the bus. Golden moment number three! Eventually some of the other passengers managed to scrape him up off the middle of the highway and he ended up spending the next five hours KO’ed on the floor of the bus. With the drama all sorted out, it was time to relax and kick back, so our driver Jim took us to a small lake/nature park (with a great history lesson on the way) where he treated us to a delicious lunch. Then again, I’m pretty sure anything would’ve been tasty at that point. Our last stop on the day-long dube-cruise was at a big waterfall with a swimming hole, where Jim encouraged everyone to jump in and go for a swim. Kiel, decided to go for a dip, while I opted to stay high and dry. Boo yaa! It was around this time that I thought to myself that letting a bunch of people who’ve been using cannabis all day jump off big rocks into a deep, murky pool of water is probably not the safest thing to do. But, on the other hand Jim’s been doing the tour for a long time so what the fuck do I know?! After returning back to Byron Bay around dinner time, we hit up the Subway for some eats and then got back on the nightly alcho-express. This was naturally followed by a visit to Cheeky Monkeys, where Kiel proceeded to dance his pants off, act like an idiot, and somehow still get the attention of people of the opposite sex.
As expected, the next day we slept in until close to lunch time, which thankfully for us, all other six people in our room appeared to have the same agenda. Once we got our act together and had a little chow, it was time for our surf lesson in the afternoon. Kiel and I were joined by a chick, Katelin, who was staying in our room and felt the need to make us look like the amateurs of all amateurs. Once the instructors rounded everyone up from their accommodations in the surf bus, they took us all out to a beach called Lennox Head, which was a bit outside of Byron Bay. The reason for this was that not only was the beach a bit quieter, but apparently had better waves for rookie-biotch surfers (see: Brent). After getting our group of fifteen or so all stretched out and semi-comfortable with our boards on dry land, it was time to ride the waves like a champion. At least that was the plan. Mostly what followed was a series of wipe-outs and me drinking loads of salt water. A few times I was able to catch a wave, although most of the waves were about the same size as the ones you can generate in your bathtub with a solid fart. It was a pretty shameful affair, and Kiel even had to retire early due to “nipple rash”. Most of the peeps in the group were only able to get a decent ride when the instructor’s helped with a push-off at the beginning, although that usually didn’t work either. For the most part it was just a bunch of stunned tourists, acting like, well stunned tourists. After deciding the life of pro surfing wasn’t for us, Kiel and I headed back to the hostel to get our dinner and drink on (something we could turn pro in). This was again inevitably followed by our third visit to Cheeky Monkeys in four nights and the official death of my liver and wallet.
The next morning, Kiel had to wake up bright and early (and he actually did), as it was time for us to do the epic tour to the town of Nimbin. What is a Nimbin you ask? Basically, it’s a town located a couple of hours inland from Byron Bay, where people are allowed to sell marijuana pretty openly and the coppers turn a blind eye to it. It’s the only such place like this in Australia, and a once dying dairy town now has a thriving, yet still technically illegal industry, based around shady drug dealers and hemp shops. We had arranged to go on “Jim’s Tour”, which features an amazingly knowledgeable hippy dude and bunch of people in their twenties and early thirties out for a day to get baked and ride around on a school bus listening to the likes of Afroman and Led Zeppelin. The first stop of the morning for our bus of thirty or so people was a liquor store for everyone to load up on beers for the long day ahead. Always a good call before 10:00am! Following a pretty lengthy drive and some crazy tunes, we rocked up to the town of Nimbin which was for lack of better words a one-street town. Everyone piled out of the bus and went their separate ways for an hour or so. Almost immediately upon descending into the town, Kiel and I were harassed by dudes trying to sell us their product. We elected to check out some of the hemp/bong shops first before deciding to pick-up off some guy outside a pub who looked like he hadn’t showered in a few days. On the main drag we also encountered an old Aboriginal woman selling “special cookies” at a rate of three for $20, which was another purchase we just couldn’t refuse. After downing our cookies and seeing all the non-existent sights in the shithole that is Nimbin, we made our way back to the bus and were headed on our way to some nature spot to chill out for a bit. At least that was the plan, until about half-way there the bus driver had to pull over because some dude in the back of the bus started tripping out like mad! He was pouring water all over himself and saying, “I’m that guy aren’t I”!? Golden moment number one! After calming him down, the bus got back on the road, but was forced to pull over a few minutes later when said dude had to get out of the bus and started puking on the side of the road in plain sight of everyone. Golden moment number two. Naturally, I took this as an opportunity to take some funny pictures of him. After vomiting like mad, Captain Trip-Out then decided to lie on the road in front of the bus. Golden moment number three! Eventually some of the other passengers managed to scrape him up off the middle of the highway and he ended up spending the next five hours KO’ed on the floor of the bus. With the drama all sorted out, it was time to relax and kick back, so our driver Jim took us to a small lake/nature park (with a great history lesson on the way) where he treated us to a delicious lunch. Then again, I’m pretty sure anything would’ve been tasty at that point. Our last stop on the day-long dube-cruise was at a big waterfall with a swimming hole, where Jim encouraged everyone to jump in and go for a swim. Kiel, decided to go for a dip, while I opted to stay high and dry. Boo yaa! It was around this time that I thought to myself that letting a bunch of people who’ve been using cannabis all day jump off big rocks into a deep, murky pool of water is probably not the safest thing to do. But, on the other hand Jim’s been doing the tour for a long time so what the fuck do I know?! After returning back to Byron Bay around dinner time, we hit up the Subway for some eats and then got back on the nightly alcho-express. This was naturally followed by a visit to Cheeky Monkeys, where Kiel proceeded to dance his pants off, act like an idiot, and somehow still get the attention of people of the opposite sex.
As expected, the next day we slept in until close to lunch time, which thankfully for us, all other six people in our room appeared to have the same agenda. Once we got our act together and had a little chow, it was time for our surf lesson in the afternoon. Kiel and I were joined by a chick, Katelin, who was staying in our room and felt the need to make us look like the amateurs of all amateurs. Once the instructors rounded everyone up from their accommodations in the surf bus, they took us all out to a beach called Lennox Head, which was a bit outside of Byron Bay. The reason for this was that not only was the beach a bit quieter, but apparently had better waves for rookie-biotch surfers (see: Brent). After getting our group of fifteen or so all stretched out and semi-comfortable with our boards on dry land, it was time to ride the waves like a champion. At least that was the plan. Mostly what followed was a series of wipe-outs and me drinking loads of salt water. A few times I was able to catch a wave, although most of the waves were about the same size as the ones you can generate in your bathtub with a solid fart. It was a pretty shameful affair, and Kiel even had to retire early due to “nipple rash”. Most of the peeps in the group were only able to get a decent ride when the instructor’s helped with a push-off at the beginning, although that usually didn’t work either. For the most part it was just a bunch of stunned tourists, acting like, well stunned tourists. After deciding the life of pro surfing wasn’t for us, Kiel and I headed back to the hostel to get our dinner and drink on (something we could turn pro in). This was again inevitably followed by our third visit to Cheeky Monkeys in four nights and the official death of my liver and wallet.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010- I May Be Able To Drink, But I Sure As Shit Can’t Abseil!
Following the debacle that was Kiel’s first night in Australia, we were both clearly feeling the effects as neither one of us was able to get out of bed before 1:00pm. Myself in particular was in rough shape, as I could not stop shaking, always a good sign that your body is up to the task. When we finally did manage to get out of bed after lunch time, Kiel and I decided to do what I had done the day before, walk aimlessly around the city and just “check it out”. Having been in Australia for so long, a lot of it was kind of lost on me, but Kiel on the other hand took every opportunity to point out how beautiful of a city Brisbane is and how gorgeous all the ladies were. I’m still not sure what he liked more, the city or the women, but I have a pretty good idea. After taking in most of the sights, including the downtown, the Story Bridge and Southbank, we headed back to the hostel where Kiel attempted to cook us a dinner of chicken and rice. Somewhere along the way, something went terribly wrong and the next thing I knew, Kiel had filled up the entire kitchen and common area with smoke and there were fifty people all hacking their lungs out. I tried to hide and pretend I didn’t know him, but it seemed that everyone in the place wanted to kill the two of us, that is if the smoke inhalation didn’t get to them first. Later in the evening, Kiel decided that he wanted to go out and party. This was all fine and dandy, except for the fact that my body was on the cusp of a total breakdown and my liver may have exploded if I consumed any booze. With this in mind, I left Kiel at the entrance to a club called “Family” that had gay night every Sunday night. He didn’t seem to mind, and just waltzed in on his own, in what has to be one of the weirder club drop-offs I have ever experienced. With Kiel dancing and wheeling away in the gay bar, I decided to head back to the hostel and watch “An Inconvenient Truth” on my laptop, all the while breathing in the filthy stench of the German brigade that was parked in my dorm.
Monday morning I woke at a fairly decent hour, which is more than Kiel could say. With Kiel nursing a hangover (this became a common theme during his time Down Under), I set out to try and go on the guided walking tour which I had attempted to do a few days before. Unfortunately, the douche bag who runs the tours decided to not show up again. Really good business practice I must say, although on the positive side it did allow me to call up the XXXX Brewery and arrange to do a tour there. For those not in the know, XXXX is one of Australia’s best known and tastiest beers, and is far and away the most popular beer in the great state of Queensland. As my tour was booked in relatively short time, I had to hustle my way across the city and learned that I would be the only person on the brewery tour. Since it was only Monday morning, I guess this was slightly acceptable, although I did feel a bit weird being escorted around this huge factory on my own. The tour itself was actually quite informative and well put together, and if anything I must say there was too much information! During the tour, I was informed that the brewery was closing early that day for a private function and that upon completion of the tour I would only have half an hour to “hang around”. Oh, and did I mention that in that half an hour I HAD TO drink the four complimentary pints that were bestowed upon me as a paying customer. Well let me tell you, after downing four pints in a half an hour I had one of the better Monday morning buzzes of recent memory! Seeing as how I was slightly tipsy, I felt it would be in my best interest to walk the two kilometres back to the hostel to give myself a chance to sober up a bit. Naturally I also had to down a ten pack of McDonald’s nuggets, cause let’s be real, McDonald’s is the shit when you’re shittered! When I returned to the hostel, I was relieved to see that Kiel was still alive after his gay bar soiree the night before and was ready to dial it up for another night. The evening started with a little pre-drink consisting of Kiel’s new favourite drink, goon. I have never seen anyone who drinks wine (and cheap wine at that) at such a crippling pace. I tried to warn him, but as usual my words fell on deaf ears. A few drinks later (or a lot if you’re Kiel), we made our way down to Birdee Num Num’s where Kiel almost immediately started arguing with some random guy about the negatives of universal health care. From what I can tell, it started off as a friendly argument, but quickly escalated to the point where I thought Kiel might be in for some fisticuffs. Thankfully, the moron’s friends who Kiel was chirping with got him to calm down and we were able to go about our business of trying to win some money playing Bingo. In the first game of Bingo, Kiel somehow managed to beat everyone in the bar and scored a cool $50 that was promptly put into the “five extra jugs of beer” fund. What made this feat even more impressive was the fact that I’m pretty sure Kiel was borderline blind drunk when he won! By the time the next game of bingo came around, all of our score cards were soaked in beer, which made playing impossible, but made drinking and having a good time a very acceptable thing to do instead. As you can imagine, the night ended with us being blind drunk and making our mother proud! I can now officially say I got hammed twice in one day, which is a feat I don’t think I have accomplished since my days of heavy cottage going a few years ago.
The next morning it was business as usual for the Moreau brothers; sleeping in and feeling like shit until after lunch sometime. That afternoon I had booked us to go abseiling in the city at a place known as Kangaroo Cliffs (scary name, I know!). Quick heads up on what exactly abseiling is; it’s basically just rappelling down a rock wall or cliff. I like to simply describe it as the opposite of rock climbing. After making our way over to the cliffs with our instructor and going over the safety procedures, I decided that Kiel should go first as I was too much of a pussy to go. Kiel was shaking like crazy the first time he went over the ledge, but I have to give him credit he did it and made it to the bottom in one piece. I, on the other hand, well that’s a different story. On my first attempt, I slowly backed up to the edge of the cliff and had my feet dangling over the edge ready to go. It was around this time that I didn’t listen properly to the instructions and lost my balance and footing and swung off the cliff in my harness and smashed up against the rock walls. While I was hanging there scared out of my mind, I looked up to see the look on our instructor’s face that said something along the lines of, “holy shit, what just happened”. All I could think about was the excruciating pain in my arm and my elbow that was bleeding everywhere. Eventually I managed to get back on track and rappel down the rock face. My ego and elbow may have been a bit bruised but I did manage to get down the wall three more times afterwards (Kiel did four more) before we decided that we could no longer walk up the gruelling stairs to get to the top of the cliffs. Thankfully, the rest of our abseiling went off without any injuries and I must say it was an awesome experience, despite my near death experience. After dressing my wounds and getting my game face back on, Kiel and I headed to Birdee Num Num’s for some pub trivia that night. Our team ended up finishing in third place out of about fifteen teams, although I must confess we did cheat a bit by sending Kiel up to the dorm room to look up answers o his laptop. Unfortunately, it was winner take all and we did not do enough cheating, so the only thing left to do was to drown ourselves in our sorrow. And by sorrow I of course mean beer! Kiel ended up leaving the bar later that night as he said he felt like dancing and apparently somehow ended up at ANOTHER club that was hosting their gay night. I was starting to sense a recurring theme, although it may have just been his luck. After Kiel left, I felt it would be a good opportunity to call my parents in my inebriated state and give them an update on how their two favourite sons were doing. Thankfully, they didn’t pick up the phone and instead I left them a solid rant of a voicemail before tucking myself into bed.
Seeing as how I managed to make it to bed long before Kiel the night before, I inevitably had to shake him to life the next morning as we were scheduled to make our way by bus to Byron Bay, which was a three hour bus ride down the coast. While roaming about the hostel that morning, I noticed a sign on one of the doors that said, “Google Bilderberg Group”. Immediately I knew this must’ve been Kiel’s handy work and asked him about it. He informed me in a fit of laughter that he had returned to the hostel the night before at about 5:00am and proceeded to put that sign up, along with another one that said “9/11 Was An Inside Job”. My guess is the second sign was quickly taken down. Regardless, Kiel was quite proud of himself and his efforts to get his message of anarchy out there. The sign master and I made it to Byron Bay by the early afternoon, but not before Kiel was having a sick attack in the bus toilet. We somehow made it to our hostel (Nomad’s Byron Bay [8.5/10]) in one piece and again were sleeping in an eight-person dorm. With Kiel resting up at the dorm, I decided to check out the town and do some grocery shopping. Byron Bay is one of the most well-known places on the tourist trail in Australia. It seems to walk a very fine line, as it is big enough that it has all the amenities you need, but small enough that it still feels a bit like a hippy community, which it is famed for being. It also happens to have excellent beaches and a moderate year round climate which makes it a haven for backpackers. It’s one of those towns that also happens to party seven nights a week thanks to the large number of travellers! For dinner, Kiel ended up cooking us some delicious burgers on the barbecue, which we happily washed down with some beers followed by the good ole goon. This in turn was followed by a visit to the semi-famous backpackers bar, Cheeky Monkeys. We ended up rocking out there for a bit before I got booted for texting, yes texting, on my phone while I was waiting for Kiel take a leak. I pleaded with the bouncer outside to let me back in to try and find my brother, explaining that Kiel did not have a phone and I wasn’t sure if he knew how to get back to the hostel. Eventually my begging worked and the bouncer let me in, but only after he held my passport hostage sp that I would swiftly return. I never did find Kiel, so I instead decided to make myself feel better by eating a steak wrap. Let me tell you, it was a classy wrap and definitely made my night that much better. Delicious with a capital “D”.
Monday morning I woke at a fairly decent hour, which is more than Kiel could say. With Kiel nursing a hangover (this became a common theme during his time Down Under), I set out to try and go on the guided walking tour which I had attempted to do a few days before. Unfortunately, the douche bag who runs the tours decided to not show up again. Really good business practice I must say, although on the positive side it did allow me to call up the XXXX Brewery and arrange to do a tour there. For those not in the know, XXXX is one of Australia’s best known and tastiest beers, and is far and away the most popular beer in the great state of Queensland. As my tour was booked in relatively short time, I had to hustle my way across the city and learned that I would be the only person on the brewery tour. Since it was only Monday morning, I guess this was slightly acceptable, although I did feel a bit weird being escorted around this huge factory on my own. The tour itself was actually quite informative and well put together, and if anything I must say there was too much information! During the tour, I was informed that the brewery was closing early that day for a private function and that upon completion of the tour I would only have half an hour to “hang around”. Oh, and did I mention that in that half an hour I HAD TO drink the four complimentary pints that were bestowed upon me as a paying customer. Well let me tell you, after downing four pints in a half an hour I had one of the better Monday morning buzzes of recent memory! Seeing as how I was slightly tipsy, I felt it would be in my best interest to walk the two kilometres back to the hostel to give myself a chance to sober up a bit. Naturally I also had to down a ten pack of McDonald’s nuggets, cause let’s be real, McDonald’s is the shit when you’re shittered! When I returned to the hostel, I was relieved to see that Kiel was still alive after his gay bar soiree the night before and was ready to dial it up for another night. The evening started with a little pre-drink consisting of Kiel’s new favourite drink, goon. I have never seen anyone who drinks wine (and cheap wine at that) at such a crippling pace. I tried to warn him, but as usual my words fell on deaf ears. A few drinks later (or a lot if you’re Kiel), we made our way down to Birdee Num Num’s where Kiel almost immediately started arguing with some random guy about the negatives of universal health care. From what I can tell, it started off as a friendly argument, but quickly escalated to the point where I thought Kiel might be in for some fisticuffs. Thankfully, the moron’s friends who Kiel was chirping with got him to calm down and we were able to go about our business of trying to win some money playing Bingo. In the first game of Bingo, Kiel somehow managed to beat everyone in the bar and scored a cool $50 that was promptly put into the “five extra jugs of beer” fund. What made this feat even more impressive was the fact that I’m pretty sure Kiel was borderline blind drunk when he won! By the time the next game of bingo came around, all of our score cards were soaked in beer, which made playing impossible, but made drinking and having a good time a very acceptable thing to do instead. As you can imagine, the night ended with us being blind drunk and making our mother proud! I can now officially say I got hammed twice in one day, which is a feat I don’t think I have accomplished since my days of heavy cottage going a few years ago.
The next morning it was business as usual for the Moreau brothers; sleeping in and feeling like shit until after lunch sometime. That afternoon I had booked us to go abseiling in the city at a place known as Kangaroo Cliffs (scary name, I know!). Quick heads up on what exactly abseiling is; it’s basically just rappelling down a rock wall or cliff. I like to simply describe it as the opposite of rock climbing. After making our way over to the cliffs with our instructor and going over the safety procedures, I decided that Kiel should go first as I was too much of a pussy to go. Kiel was shaking like crazy the first time he went over the ledge, but I have to give him credit he did it and made it to the bottom in one piece. I, on the other hand, well that’s a different story. On my first attempt, I slowly backed up to the edge of the cliff and had my feet dangling over the edge ready to go. It was around this time that I didn’t listen properly to the instructions and lost my balance and footing and swung off the cliff in my harness and smashed up against the rock walls. While I was hanging there scared out of my mind, I looked up to see the look on our instructor’s face that said something along the lines of, “holy shit, what just happened”. All I could think about was the excruciating pain in my arm and my elbow that was bleeding everywhere. Eventually I managed to get back on track and rappel down the rock face. My ego and elbow may have been a bit bruised but I did manage to get down the wall three more times afterwards (Kiel did four more) before we decided that we could no longer walk up the gruelling stairs to get to the top of the cliffs. Thankfully, the rest of our abseiling went off without any injuries and I must say it was an awesome experience, despite my near death experience. After dressing my wounds and getting my game face back on, Kiel and I headed to Birdee Num Num’s for some pub trivia that night. Our team ended up finishing in third place out of about fifteen teams, although I must confess we did cheat a bit by sending Kiel up to the dorm room to look up answers o his laptop. Unfortunately, it was winner take all and we did not do enough cheating, so the only thing left to do was to drown ourselves in our sorrow. And by sorrow I of course mean beer! Kiel ended up leaving the bar later that night as he said he felt like dancing and apparently somehow ended up at ANOTHER club that was hosting their gay night. I was starting to sense a recurring theme, although it may have just been his luck. After Kiel left, I felt it would be a good opportunity to call my parents in my inebriated state and give them an update on how their two favourite sons were doing. Thankfully, they didn’t pick up the phone and instead I left them a solid rant of a voicemail before tucking myself into bed.
Seeing as how I managed to make it to bed long before Kiel the night before, I inevitably had to shake him to life the next morning as we were scheduled to make our way by bus to Byron Bay, which was a three hour bus ride down the coast. While roaming about the hostel that morning, I noticed a sign on one of the doors that said, “Google Bilderberg Group”. Immediately I knew this must’ve been Kiel’s handy work and asked him about it. He informed me in a fit of laughter that he had returned to the hostel the night before at about 5:00am and proceeded to put that sign up, along with another one that said “9/11 Was An Inside Job”. My guess is the second sign was quickly taken down. Regardless, Kiel was quite proud of himself and his efforts to get his message of anarchy out there. The sign master and I made it to Byron Bay by the early afternoon, but not before Kiel was having a sick attack in the bus toilet. We somehow made it to our hostel (Nomad’s Byron Bay [8.5/10]) in one piece and again were sleeping in an eight-person dorm. With Kiel resting up at the dorm, I decided to check out the town and do some grocery shopping. Byron Bay is one of the most well-known places on the tourist trail in Australia. It seems to walk a very fine line, as it is big enough that it has all the amenities you need, but small enough that it still feels a bit like a hippy community, which it is famed for being. It also happens to have excellent beaches and a moderate year round climate which makes it a haven for backpackers. It’s one of those towns that also happens to party seven nights a week thanks to the large number of travellers! For dinner, Kiel ended up cooking us some delicious burgers on the barbecue, which we happily washed down with some beers followed by the good ole goon. This in turn was followed by a visit to the semi-famous backpackers bar, Cheeky Monkeys. We ended up rocking out there for a bit before I got booted for texting, yes texting, on my phone while I was waiting for Kiel take a leak. I pleaded with the bouncer outside to let me back in to try and find my brother, explaining that Kiel did not have a phone and I wasn’t sure if he knew how to get back to the hostel. Eventually my begging worked and the bouncer let me in, but only after he held my passport hostage sp that I would swiftly return. I never did find Kiel, so I instead decided to make myself feel better by eating a steak wrap. Let me tell you, it was a classy wrap and definitely made my night that much better. Delicious with a capital “D”.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010- Mother Of God, It’s Grizzly Adams. Nope, Just Kiel Dancing Like A Lunatic.
Wednesday morning it was time to keep the amusement park express moving and we promptly took our Season’s Pass to one of the Gold Coast’s most well-known parks, Sea World. Being the amusement park superstar that I am, the first thing we did upon our arrival was attempt to see as many of the shows as possible. Within the first few hours, I had managed to drag Leeanna along to the sting ray feeding, the penguin feeding, Happy Feet in 3D, the dolphin show, Pirates Unleashed, and last but certainly not least the Fish Detectives show starring what I can only presume are some of the smartest sea lions in the southern hemisphere. After some gnarly $10 hot dogs, we decided what better time to check out the few rides on offer than with a full stomach. Luckily for my gastrointestinal tract, none of the rides on offer were overly intense and we safely survived the one roller coaster, a flume ride and a small Jet Ski coaster called Jet Rescue that Leeanna loved so much she made me ride it three times! Other than those three, the only other “ride” on offer if you will was the Sky High Skyway which was basically a ski lift ride over the park that was more my speed. The real stars at Sea World though are the animals, and there was definitely no shortage of them. In addition to the ones we saw in the shows, we also tiger sharks, bull sharks, baby dolphins, and Canada’s most beloved export, polar bears (lazy bastards)! There were also some good hands on experiences, as you were allowed to pet giant sting rays and touch things like sea stars and star fish. By the end of the day, it was safe to say that we were both wiped out and had taken enough videos and pictures to make a bus load of Japanese tourists proud! In fact, I was so gassed that I almost didn’t notice when my lasagne almost burnt down our hotel room. Now that would’ve been a story!
November 4th was to be Leeanna’s last full day in Australia, and try as might I could not convince her to come to the water park Wet ‘n Wild with me. Being the 26-year old loser that I am, I decided to head to the water park on my own, as I could not in my conscience let my pass go to waste. Turns out, Leeanna probably made the right decision by not going, as it poured rain the entire time I was there and to be honest, a no-shirt party in the rain by yourself at a water park is just not as cool as it sounds. There was one notable slide at the park that I must mention, the Aqualoop, which reaches speeds of up to 60 kilometres an hour and takes you almost completely upside down. It was the most intense water slide ever. End of discussion. Look it up on YouTube if you don’t believe me. In the end though, I ended up staying less than two hours, as the weather was shit, lots of slides were closed, and many of the ones that were open required multiple riders at the same time (insert Brent feeling sorry for himself). Feeling dejected about my bad day at the water park, I marched my ass back to the resort and proceeded to help Leeanna pack all her shit (and lots of mine that I was forcing her to take), for her flight home the next morning. In honour of our love of the great Australian institute, the Pancake Parlour, we decided it would be fitting to have some flapjacks for Leeanna’s last supper. Naturally I had to order the all-you-can-eat with a beer on the side, and was left feeling like a beached whale afterwards. We capped the night off with a visit to the arcade (I’m not cool, this I know), where we proceeded to play such awesome games as Deal or No Deal, Arcade Basketball, and Guitar Hero. Not exactly the most thrilling last night, but by that point, she had seen it all and done it all! Plus as a bonus, we were able to use our arcade tickets to scoop up some pretty sweet souvenirs including a classy golf ball set! After taking a cab home because I had lost our bus tickets (and later found at home damn it!), we forced ourselves to drink the rest of the alcohol in our fridge, as we would be checking out in the morning, and let’s be real you can’t let that shit go to waste!
Friday morning was a bit of a rough start as I had to get up at 6:00am, not an ideal time to wake up when you were drinking and went to bed after 2:00am. With that in mind, I did manage to see Leeanna off to the airport and wish her safe travels from the comfort of my pyjama pants! So as Leeanna’s journey came to an end, mine was just getting warmed up, as I still had to survive close to two weeks with my younger, harder partying brother, Kiel. After packing up all of my stuff at the hotel I called home and was informed by my mom that Kiel would not be arriving that day as he had intended, as he had not been able to get on a flight out of Vancouver. With that in mind, I took the short bus ride to Brisbane and checked into my eight person room at the hostel (Bunk Brisbane [6.5/10]). Since this whole trip began almost a year earlier, I had not had to stay in large share rooms as I had been travelling with my girlfriend, who thankfully enjoyed privacy. But since my brother wanted to save money, meet people, party, and make an ass of himself in the bars, he had convinced me to stay in larger rooms. It looked like I was off to a bad start on my own; my room was full of a bunch of German dudes who looked like they were living there and had some really rank smelling clothes and stuff spread out everywhere. Since I had a day to kill on my own before my brother showed up, I decided to indulge in my addiction and headed straight downtown for the Treasury Casino. I ended up settling in at a fairly social $2/$4 No-Limit table that had a good assortment of characters. There also happened to be a couple of Ontario boys at the table who I got along with quite well. In a total six degrees of separation moment, the one guy, Sonny, asked me where I was from and when I told him, he proceeded to name drop my sister’s best friend as someone he knew! Next thing I knew, it was the middle of the night and Sonny and I had pounded back a ton of beers and were both somehow up a good amount of money. Next thing I knew, it was almost 5:00am and I had been playing for over fifteen hours straight, without eating or doing anything other than drinking, gambling, and urinating! My last hand of the night saw me get it all in pre-flop with three other players with me holding pocket aces. Naturally, I lost, but for once had been smart enough to pull some money off the table so I wouldn’t go broke. In conclusion, after fifteen hours, I had broken out even, although if you count the beers I bought with my chips I was probably up over $100 (Brent’s version of math). I decided to reward my efforts with a 5:30am drunk-as-a-skunk visit to McDonald’s for some breakfast before returning to my room. As luck would have it, in addition to the terrible smell in my room, there was also an ugly trollish-looking German girl sleeping on the top bunk of my bed, who looked like some kind of ugly Gremlin mutation. She kept staring at my drunken ass like she wanted to kill or eat me (are Gremlins allowed to eat at 6:00am?), and to make matters worse decided to roll around on the top bunk all morning like some kind of Parkinson’s inflicted baboon. God save me.
Shortly after I sauntered in from my gambling and drinking binge, I decided that sleep was going to be impossible. With that in mind, I dragged my ass out bed with less than two hours of shut eye. Kiel was scheduled to be arriving some time that morning, but I had no idea when and was pretty certain he would forget to call me. Taking that in to account, I decided to head out and take my drunk/turning into a hangover body out into the world. I made my way to City Hall where there was supposed to be a walking tour of the city on offer, but after waiting with a few other people for over half an hour, it was clear that the guide was not showing up. Being the go-getter that I am, I decided to organize my own one man walking tour and checked out most of the sights in Brisbane by myself. Feeling confident after a few hours of walking that I had covered most of the bases, I returned to the hostel, when low and behold, Kiel Moreau is standing there in the lobby with a beard that would’ve made Grizzly Adams proud! For most people, this may not seem like much, but as long as I can remember Kiel has always been clean-shaven and/or unable to grow anything but a few pubic looking soul patches on his face. It was clear; he was now truly a man. After setting him up in our room, we went out for some afternoon beers to catch up on life and all that I have missed in his life back home and vice versa. After walking off our afternoon delight, we headed to our hostel’s bar, Birdee Num Num (the one good thing about the hostel), for some more beers and pizza. Shortly thereafter, I am pretty sure we were both slizzored, and the last thing I remember was leaving Kiel on the dance floor dropping some ridiculous moves before I stumbled back to my bunk bed for the second night in a row. I’m pretty sure it was around this time that I had an epiphany... I was going to be in for some rough nights in the coming week.
November 4th was to be Leeanna’s last full day in Australia, and try as might I could not convince her to come to the water park Wet ‘n Wild with me. Being the 26-year old loser that I am, I decided to head to the water park on my own, as I could not in my conscience let my pass go to waste. Turns out, Leeanna probably made the right decision by not going, as it poured rain the entire time I was there and to be honest, a no-shirt party in the rain by yourself at a water park is just not as cool as it sounds. There was one notable slide at the park that I must mention, the Aqualoop, which reaches speeds of up to 60 kilometres an hour and takes you almost completely upside down. It was the most intense water slide ever. End of discussion. Look it up on YouTube if you don’t believe me. In the end though, I ended up staying less than two hours, as the weather was shit, lots of slides were closed, and many of the ones that were open required multiple riders at the same time (insert Brent feeling sorry for himself). Feeling dejected about my bad day at the water park, I marched my ass back to the resort and proceeded to help Leeanna pack all her shit (and lots of mine that I was forcing her to take), for her flight home the next morning. In honour of our love of the great Australian institute, the Pancake Parlour, we decided it would be fitting to have some flapjacks for Leeanna’s last supper. Naturally I had to order the all-you-can-eat with a beer on the side, and was left feeling like a beached whale afterwards. We capped the night off with a visit to the arcade (I’m not cool, this I know), where we proceeded to play such awesome games as Deal or No Deal, Arcade Basketball, and Guitar Hero. Not exactly the most thrilling last night, but by that point, she had seen it all and done it all! Plus as a bonus, we were able to use our arcade tickets to scoop up some pretty sweet souvenirs including a classy golf ball set! After taking a cab home because I had lost our bus tickets (and later found at home damn it!), we forced ourselves to drink the rest of the alcohol in our fridge, as we would be checking out in the morning, and let’s be real you can’t let that shit go to waste!
Friday morning was a bit of a rough start as I had to get up at 6:00am, not an ideal time to wake up when you were drinking and went to bed after 2:00am. With that in mind, I did manage to see Leeanna off to the airport and wish her safe travels from the comfort of my pyjama pants! So as Leeanna’s journey came to an end, mine was just getting warmed up, as I still had to survive close to two weeks with my younger, harder partying brother, Kiel. After packing up all of my stuff at the hotel I called home and was informed by my mom that Kiel would not be arriving that day as he had intended, as he had not been able to get on a flight out of Vancouver. With that in mind, I took the short bus ride to Brisbane and checked into my eight person room at the hostel (Bunk Brisbane [6.5/10]). Since this whole trip began almost a year earlier, I had not had to stay in large share rooms as I had been travelling with my girlfriend, who thankfully enjoyed privacy. But since my brother wanted to save money, meet people, party, and make an ass of himself in the bars, he had convinced me to stay in larger rooms. It looked like I was off to a bad start on my own; my room was full of a bunch of German dudes who looked like they were living there and had some really rank smelling clothes and stuff spread out everywhere. Since I had a day to kill on my own before my brother showed up, I decided to indulge in my addiction and headed straight downtown for the Treasury Casino. I ended up settling in at a fairly social $2/$4 No-Limit table that had a good assortment of characters. There also happened to be a couple of Ontario boys at the table who I got along with quite well. In a total six degrees of separation moment, the one guy, Sonny, asked me where I was from and when I told him, he proceeded to name drop my sister’s best friend as someone he knew! Next thing I knew, it was the middle of the night and Sonny and I had pounded back a ton of beers and were both somehow up a good amount of money. Next thing I knew, it was almost 5:00am and I had been playing for over fifteen hours straight, without eating or doing anything other than drinking, gambling, and urinating! My last hand of the night saw me get it all in pre-flop with three other players with me holding pocket aces. Naturally, I lost, but for once had been smart enough to pull some money off the table so I wouldn’t go broke. In conclusion, after fifteen hours, I had broken out even, although if you count the beers I bought with my chips I was probably up over $100 (Brent’s version of math). I decided to reward my efforts with a 5:30am drunk-as-a-skunk visit to McDonald’s for some breakfast before returning to my room. As luck would have it, in addition to the terrible smell in my room, there was also an ugly trollish-looking German girl sleeping on the top bunk of my bed, who looked like some kind of ugly Gremlin mutation. She kept staring at my drunken ass like she wanted to kill or eat me (are Gremlins allowed to eat at 6:00am?), and to make matters worse decided to roll around on the top bunk all morning like some kind of Parkinson’s inflicted baboon. God save me.
Shortly after I sauntered in from my gambling and drinking binge, I decided that sleep was going to be impossible. With that in mind, I dragged my ass out bed with less than two hours of shut eye. Kiel was scheduled to be arriving some time that morning, but I had no idea when and was pretty certain he would forget to call me. Taking that in to account, I decided to head out and take my drunk/turning into a hangover body out into the world. I made my way to City Hall where there was supposed to be a walking tour of the city on offer, but after waiting with a few other people for over half an hour, it was clear that the guide was not showing up. Being the go-getter that I am, I decided to organize my own one man walking tour and checked out most of the sights in Brisbane by myself. Feeling confident after a few hours of walking that I had covered most of the bases, I returned to the hostel, when low and behold, Kiel Moreau is standing there in the lobby with a beard that would’ve made Grizzly Adams proud! For most people, this may not seem like much, but as long as I can remember Kiel has always been clean-shaven and/or unable to grow anything but a few pubic looking soul patches on his face. It was clear; he was now truly a man. After setting him up in our room, we went out for some afternoon beers to catch up on life and all that I have missed in his life back home and vice versa. After walking off our afternoon delight, we headed to our hostel’s bar, Birdee Num Num (the one good thing about the hostel), for some more beers and pizza. Shortly thereafter, I am pretty sure we were both slizzored, and the last thing I remember was leaving Kiel on the dance floor dropping some ridiculous moves before I stumbled back to my bunk bed for the second night in a row. I’m pretty sure it was around this time that I had an epiphany... I was going to be in for some rough nights in the coming week.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010- Some People Sleep With Women, This Body Prefers Bed Bugs.
The day before Halloween (FYI: trick-or-treating is not a big a deal in Australia), was a day of highs and lows on the monetary front. First, the negative. After calling home that morning to talk with my brother and try and get his visit sorted out for the following week, I became embroiled in a discussion with my all-knowing mother who informed me that I MUST go to the doctor’s office and get my full-body-consuming bites looked at. Seeing as how I was still doped up from the three anti-histamines mixed with booze that I had consumed the night before, I gave in to her demands from the other side of the world. I had become quite proud of my streak of almost 365 days without seeing a doctor, but alas it was to come to an end. Leeanna escorted me to the doctor’s office, where I paid $65 for a two minute visit with the doc, who told me what I already knew, that they were probably bug bites. What a fucking genius! He cut me three prescriptions; one cream, one steroid, and one itch relief pill, and what do you know my pockets where another $75 lighter. The moral of the story kids, don’t sleep with bugs in your bed. Hot women and strippers; okay. Bed bugs; no dice. With my day already costing me a bit more than I had anticipated, I caught a break when Leeanna and I went to go mini-putting at King Tutt’s Putt Putt. Luckily for me, the guy at the counter wasn’t too swift (at least as far as mini-putt men go) and he decided to give me change from the $50 bill that I never handed to him. Therefore, we got a free round of mini-putt and about $30 handed to us for a nice tidy profit of $50. If only all mini-putt courses did this, they wouldn’t struggle so much for patronage! In the end, Leeanna and I ended up tying the first game with me naturally winning the second in a landslide, because let’s face it I am an animal with a putter in my hand and I really wasn’t trying the first game. To celebrate my victory, Leeanna and I headed back to the hotel, where I forced her to make me a BBQ by the pool and think about all that she did wrong on the mini-putt course!
Sunday morning I woke up very early, which had become a common theme for me, as the bug bites all over my body made it extremely difficult to sleep for long periods of time. With Leeanna still in a coma, I decided to take a very long beach walk and to book an early Sunday morning haircut. Upon my return home, I was still feeling extra spry and for the first time in my life (yes, life) I tried to make bacon and eggs. Needless to say it was not a total disaster, but if someone even tried to charge me $2 for that in a restaurant I would tell them to shove the burnt bacon up their ass. Next up on the busy day’s agenda was to head over to the suburb of Southport by bus and try and find a discount shoe factory store I had read about. I guess somehow, I just figured that we would stumble across it, but alas it was not to meant to be. Eventually Leeanna convinced me to give up and we ended up walking around forever trying to find a bus to take us back to the part of town we were slightly more familiar with. Luckily, the bus route back happened to take us right by a huge mall (although sadly it did not have a discount shoe factory store), where I proceeded to significantly update my wardrobe for the first time in almost a year. I ended up spending a few hundred dollars on three shirts, two pairs of shorts, a pair of shoes, some books, and my personal favourite, a Buffalo Sabres windbreaker that was on special for $10. I somehow doubt that Sabres merchandise sells too well Down Under, or anywhere, Buffalo included for that matter. This was not to be the end of our shopping though, as that evening we went out to all the Asian-run souvenir shops to purchase some last minute shit, I mean souvenirs, for Leeanna to take home. Still not feeling we had spent enough money for one Halloween, I treated Leeanna to one last “classy” dinner in Australia at some restaurant called Sage. I must say the food was excellent and all that jazz, but if there is one thing I will not miss at all about Australia, it’s the poor customer service you generally receive in restaurants. More than anything, I think this can be put down to the fact that it is not a gratuity-based business like it is in Canada, and this in turn causes waiters to not really give a fuck! Aside from the dodgy service, it was a tremendous meal, which we unfortunately had to walk off when we arrived back at our resort to discover that the power had gone out! Nothing settles a steak and beer quite like a solid stair climb at 11:00pm!
The next morning with our power fully restored and me not being allowed to cook, I went on a mission to try and sort our income tax and superannuation (pension) situation. From talking to other backpackers, we believed we would be entitled to a large chunk of our taxes back, which sounded pretty enticing as we had both been taxed close to $4500 each in the last fifteen weeks. We made our way over to an accountants where were promptly informed by some moron that we were not entitled to a refund because we were non-residents and would in fact owe money. I knew that he was wrong, as we were residents for tax purposes, but I could not be bothered arguing, so I just gathered up my stuff and out we went. Unfortunately, this led us to have to contact taxback.com, a website that specializes in backpacker tax refunds but also charges ridiculously high rates. Seeing as how we were running out of time though before Leeanna left the country, we had no option and set about making things happen. In the end, we learned that we would both be getting refunds estimated in the range of $3500, but that was after taxback.com took their fees which I believe were close to $400 each for the two of us! In addition to paying the highest ever rate for a tax return, I believe I also set a record for the most money spent in internet cafes in one day, with $20 being spread over three locations trying to figure out our taxes and my brother’s travel plans as he was due to arrive from Canada later in the week. Now that our taxes were all sorted, we could relax and that night we went to where Brent always goes to let off steam, the casino. Apparently, Jupiter’s Casino was the place to be on a Monday night, as the place was insanely busy. The money wheel was six people deep all around and you could all but forget about finding a decently priced blackjack table! Now I’ve been to Las Vegas numerous times, and believe me, the casinos there don’t look anything like this on a Monday. After having a few drinks at the bar, Leeanna and I ended up playing a bit of digital blackjack and roulette before packing it in for the night after we lost all our early profits but were still even for the night. One other random side note from the evening was the copious amount of Asian people consuming loads of alcohol. As someone who frequents casinos, I know that there are tons of Asians in casinos all over the world, but for the most part they are not large drinkers. On the Gold Coast, it seemed I had entered another world. Totally random fact, I know, and one hundred percent useless to the forward movement of this blog, but I somehow felt it necessary to mention.
Since we were starting to run out of time on the Gold Coast, Tuesday morning was time for us to do the one pre-requisite thing you must do when you visit the area; hit up the amusement parks. Leeanna and I decided to purchase a Season’s Pass for $100 which would give us unlimited access to three theme parks for a year, although we really only needed it for the next three days! It was well worth it though, as admission to the park we were going to that day, Warner Brother’s Movie World, had a price tag of $70 for one day entry! Movie World can best be described as a much smaller version of Canada’s Wonderland, although it definitely had better props and characters throughout the park with Looney Tunes being the overriding theme. Most of the rides were named after movies, such as the Lethal Weapon roller coaster, Batman Sling Shot, Wild West Falls, and our personal favourite, the Superman roller coaster. Superman was actually quite unique in that unlike any other roller coaster I had ever been on, it shots you at the beginning of the ride and you accelerate up a super-steep hill, instead of the slow descent you usually encounter on roller coasters. There were also some good shows that we saw during the day, including one featuring bunch of Hollywood stunt car drivers doing some crazy tricks in their cars and jumping through fire and shit like that. We also caught the “Journey to the Centre of the Earth” 4-D show, and for anyone wondering what the fourth “D” is, well it’s pretty much just water being shot and misted at you from the back of the seat in front of you. Either way, it was a great day, although the two highlights for me had nothing to do with rides. The first was early in the day when I discovered frozen, chocolate covered bananas. Simply put: delicious. The second, which was funny for everyone but me occurred when I was standing in line to get my Season’s Pass picture taken and a giant, and believe me I mean giant, spider fell out of an overhead vent and landed in my hair! At first I thought my hair was brushing up against a plant or something behind me, but I quickly noticed a giant arachnid scurrying down my body. This led me to jump around like a mad man and let out a loud series of expletives in front of a large number of young children. Let’s just say that if my mother was there she would have threatened me with the bar of soap like it was 1990 all over again. After my traumatic experience with the spider that day, it was nice to finally see my bites going down a bit that night, although the girlfriend didn’t seem to notice, as her Kardashian addiction was now in full overdrive and she could not get enough Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. Okay, maybe I watch it too!
Sunday morning I woke up very early, which had become a common theme for me, as the bug bites all over my body made it extremely difficult to sleep for long periods of time. With Leeanna still in a coma, I decided to take a very long beach walk and to book an early Sunday morning haircut. Upon my return home, I was still feeling extra spry and for the first time in my life (yes, life) I tried to make bacon and eggs. Needless to say it was not a total disaster, but if someone even tried to charge me $2 for that in a restaurant I would tell them to shove the burnt bacon up their ass. Next up on the busy day’s agenda was to head over to the suburb of Southport by bus and try and find a discount shoe factory store I had read about. I guess somehow, I just figured that we would stumble across it, but alas it was not to meant to be. Eventually Leeanna convinced me to give up and we ended up walking around forever trying to find a bus to take us back to the part of town we were slightly more familiar with. Luckily, the bus route back happened to take us right by a huge mall (although sadly it did not have a discount shoe factory store), where I proceeded to significantly update my wardrobe for the first time in almost a year. I ended up spending a few hundred dollars on three shirts, two pairs of shorts, a pair of shoes, some books, and my personal favourite, a Buffalo Sabres windbreaker that was on special for $10. I somehow doubt that Sabres merchandise sells too well Down Under, or anywhere, Buffalo included for that matter. This was not to be the end of our shopping though, as that evening we went out to all the Asian-run souvenir shops to purchase some last minute shit, I mean souvenirs, for Leeanna to take home. Still not feeling we had spent enough money for one Halloween, I treated Leeanna to one last “classy” dinner in Australia at some restaurant called Sage. I must say the food was excellent and all that jazz, but if there is one thing I will not miss at all about Australia, it’s the poor customer service you generally receive in restaurants. More than anything, I think this can be put down to the fact that it is not a gratuity-based business like it is in Canada, and this in turn causes waiters to not really give a fuck! Aside from the dodgy service, it was a tremendous meal, which we unfortunately had to walk off when we arrived back at our resort to discover that the power had gone out! Nothing settles a steak and beer quite like a solid stair climb at 11:00pm!
The next morning with our power fully restored and me not being allowed to cook, I went on a mission to try and sort our income tax and superannuation (pension) situation. From talking to other backpackers, we believed we would be entitled to a large chunk of our taxes back, which sounded pretty enticing as we had both been taxed close to $4500 each in the last fifteen weeks. We made our way over to an accountants where were promptly informed by some moron that we were not entitled to a refund because we were non-residents and would in fact owe money. I knew that he was wrong, as we were residents for tax purposes, but I could not be bothered arguing, so I just gathered up my stuff and out we went. Unfortunately, this led us to have to contact taxback.com, a website that specializes in backpacker tax refunds but also charges ridiculously high rates. Seeing as how we were running out of time though before Leeanna left the country, we had no option and set about making things happen. In the end, we learned that we would both be getting refunds estimated in the range of $3500, but that was after taxback.com took their fees which I believe were close to $400 each for the two of us! In addition to paying the highest ever rate for a tax return, I believe I also set a record for the most money spent in internet cafes in one day, with $20 being spread over three locations trying to figure out our taxes and my brother’s travel plans as he was due to arrive from Canada later in the week. Now that our taxes were all sorted, we could relax and that night we went to where Brent always goes to let off steam, the casino. Apparently, Jupiter’s Casino was the place to be on a Monday night, as the place was insanely busy. The money wheel was six people deep all around and you could all but forget about finding a decently priced blackjack table! Now I’ve been to Las Vegas numerous times, and believe me, the casinos there don’t look anything like this on a Monday. After having a few drinks at the bar, Leeanna and I ended up playing a bit of digital blackjack and roulette before packing it in for the night after we lost all our early profits but were still even for the night. One other random side note from the evening was the copious amount of Asian people consuming loads of alcohol. As someone who frequents casinos, I know that there are tons of Asians in casinos all over the world, but for the most part they are not large drinkers. On the Gold Coast, it seemed I had entered another world. Totally random fact, I know, and one hundred percent useless to the forward movement of this blog, but I somehow felt it necessary to mention.
Since we were starting to run out of time on the Gold Coast, Tuesday morning was time for us to do the one pre-requisite thing you must do when you visit the area; hit up the amusement parks. Leeanna and I decided to purchase a Season’s Pass for $100 which would give us unlimited access to three theme parks for a year, although we really only needed it for the next three days! It was well worth it though, as admission to the park we were going to that day, Warner Brother’s Movie World, had a price tag of $70 for one day entry! Movie World can best be described as a much smaller version of Canada’s Wonderland, although it definitely had better props and characters throughout the park with Looney Tunes being the overriding theme. Most of the rides were named after movies, such as the Lethal Weapon roller coaster, Batman Sling Shot, Wild West Falls, and our personal favourite, the Superman roller coaster. Superman was actually quite unique in that unlike any other roller coaster I had ever been on, it shots you at the beginning of the ride and you accelerate up a super-steep hill, instead of the slow descent you usually encounter on roller coasters. There were also some good shows that we saw during the day, including one featuring bunch of Hollywood stunt car drivers doing some crazy tricks in their cars and jumping through fire and shit like that. We also caught the “Journey to the Centre of the Earth” 4-D show, and for anyone wondering what the fourth “D” is, well it’s pretty much just water being shot and misted at you from the back of the seat in front of you. Either way, it was a great day, although the two highlights for me had nothing to do with rides. The first was early in the day when I discovered frozen, chocolate covered bananas. Simply put: delicious. The second, which was funny for everyone but me occurred when I was standing in line to get my Season’s Pass picture taken and a giant, and believe me I mean giant, spider fell out of an overhead vent and landed in my hair! At first I thought my hair was brushing up against a plant or something behind me, but I quickly noticed a giant arachnid scurrying down my body. This led me to jump around like a mad man and let out a loud series of expletives in front of a large number of young children. Let’s just say that if my mother was there she would have threatened me with the bar of soap like it was 1990 all over again. After my traumatic experience with the spider that day, it was nice to finally see my bites going down a bit that night, although the girlfriend didn’t seem to notice, as her Kardashian addiction was now in full overdrive and she could not get enough Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney. Okay, maybe I watch it too!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday, October29, 2010- Steve Irwin. Half Man. Half Legend.
After barely surviving a bird attack the night before, Leeanna and I were up bright and early on Tuesday morning for our tour of the world famous (okay, Australia famous) Fraser Island. Now what exactly is Fraser Island you ask? Well, the long and short of it is that Fraser Island is the world’s largest sand island and is the reason Hervey Bay has become such a major tourist destination on the east coast. Our tour bus picked us up bright and early, at which time we found out there would only be six people on the tour that day, us and a group of four seniors! Apparently, the tour company had booked out 24 of their 30 available seats for a group, but when one of their two buses went down, they had to cancel the group. Enter the six of us! While one bus was in the shop, the one we were riding on didn’t look much better. The bus driver informed us that the air conditioning was not working and the 4-wheel drive was acting up. In addition to that, there was a huge crack in one of the windows on the side door. Now, I’m no expert on driving on sand islands, but I’m pretty sure 4-wheel drive is almost a necessity. Upon arriving at the island after our ferry ride over, the six of us boarded into our bus and were headed to one of the island’s famous lakes, when low and behold our bus got stuck! The driver tried feverishly to get the car down the sand road but to no avail. With 2-wheel drive it just wasn’t happening! I was starting to get the impression that it was going to be a long day. Having given up on the idea of visiting the lake, the driver escorted us to some of the island’s other attractions, including a shipwreck, rainforest walk, Eli Creek (creek you can walk through with really clear water), and the Pinnacles (goofy rocks with a bunch of crazy colours and shit). All very marvellous stuff to look at, although it would have been better with the comfort of air-conditioning between stops. Everyone who has been to Fraser Island knows that it is also famous for its large population of dingoes. Naturally, since everything went so swimmingly for us, we managed to spot exactly zero dingoes all day, and instead had to settle for seeing about 5000 dead birds that had all washed on shore and had apparently died during their migration due to a massive storm. After making it through most of the day on our sub-par tour, our driver randomly decided during afternoon tea that our bus was no longer safe enough to drive across the island because of the crack in the door window. Talk about the icing on the cake! We were then informed that we would have to flown off the island by some bush pilot that they were summoning to come rescue us. Low and behold, an hour later a plane is landing on the beach (yes, the beach!) and a pilot emerges wearing dirty clothes and no shoes. Not what we all had in mind, but as they say, beggars can’t be choosers. Next thing we know, the six of us are boarding the plane and taking off down the runway, sorry I mean beach. The people who were on the tour with us were really pissed off and vowed that they were going to file a complaint with the company. I on the other hand found it all quite comical and was trying to look at the positive side by remarking that we had at least gotten a free scenic flight over the island! After safely landing on an actual tarmac runway, we were met by a waiting taxicab that escorted us back to our accommodations and far away from the barefoot pilot. That night, the owner of the hostel, Gary, asked us how our tour went and I could not resist telling him about all the mishaps. Turns out, Gary was also quite pissed off and vowed to call the company the next day and try and get us a refund. The tour may not have gone as planned, but I must say it was one day tour I was not going to be forgetting anytime soon!
After checking out of our hostel the next day, it was off to the bus station to catch a ride down to the swank town of Noosa, which is located on what the Aussies call the Sunshine Coast. It also happens to be close to Steve Irwin’s Australia Zoo, which was the main reason we were going there. I’m pretty sure Leeanna’s whole mission in life (other than to have a nice base tan) has been to visit the Australia Zoo, so there were no ifs, ands, or buts about us going there. That morning, as we were about to board our bus, we ran into the senior from our tour the day before and learned that they bitched to the company and ended up getting their money back. They insisted that I call right away (which I did) and wouldn’t you know it, Miss Leeanna and I were on our way to each receiving a $165 refund! A nice turn-around from the day before I must say. With my smile still on my face from receiving my refund, we arrived in Noosa and checked into our hostel (Noosa Backapackers Resort [8/10]). We spent the remainder of the day walking around town and checking out all the mega-huge houses owned by the rich and not-so-famous before heading over to Noosa National Park to participate in Brent’s favourite activity... nature walks! I must say, at least we were rewarded by seeing one koala in the wild on our nature walk and some remarkable coast line, although I’m sure to Leeanna it’s all the same shit as nature walks just ain’t her bag! That evening I promptly felt the urge to order pizza and beers and put on ten times as many calories as I had burned off that day. I also started to notice that my body was getting quite itchy and was covered in bites. Can you say bed bugs anyone?
The next morning, we were back on the tourist trail, determined to spend our hard-earned Australian dollars. It was off to the aforementioned Australia Zoo (home of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter), which has grown from a rinky-dink reptile park to one of the busiest and most well-known tourist attractions in the country. Seeing as how it’s located in the middle of nowhere though, we had to catch the complimentary shuttle. This was no ordinary shuttle bus though; it was one that played episodes of the Crocodile Hunter non-stop! Crikey! The zoo itself was actually pretty standard, and if anything I must honestly say it was a little small (especially for the inflated admission price). Most of the animals on display were of the Australian variety, with the exception of some of the more famous animals, such as tigers, elephants, etc. What they lacked in size though, I must say they more than made up for in other areas. For starters, the assortment of things dedicated to Steve Irwin, in addition to lots memorabilia and artefacts was truly great to see. Also, the zoo offered lots of interactive shows and feedings. We watched the tortoise feeding (insert own joke), the otter feeding, got to pet koalas and kangaroos, and even got to feed an elephant some fruit. There is nothing quite as comical as watching an elephant eat fruit, especially when people are feeding it into its trunk like it’s a god damn assembly line! Aside from all of this, the thing the zoo is most famous for is its Crocoseum, a 5000 seat amphitheatre where they perform live shows featuring crocodiles, birds, elephants, and an assortment of other creatures. I ended up volunteering and somehow being picked to participate in the bird show. I had to stand up in front of a few thousand people and make ridiculous bird noises and wave my arms like a knob. Apparently, some birds were supposed to fly over and land on me, but instead they decided that they had had enough of this shit and decided to fight the power and flew out of the stadium! This promptly led to a trainer running out of the Crocoseum to track down the birds and me standing there looking like a complete jackass. Oh well, at least I still got my free magazine for participating! After rounding up a large assortment of Crocodile Hunter souvenirs, we headed back to Noosa, where we spent the evening strolling the immaculate streets and eating gelato. Very Brad Pitt, I know.
Friday morning it was time to head on to the what would be the final leg of Leeanna’s OZ journey, the Gold Coast (think a cross between a poor man’s Las Vegas and Niagara Falls, with some gorgeous beaches thrown in for good measure). After wolfing down the world’s best free hostel breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, and sausage, we headed to the bus stop and were on our way. The bus had a short layover in Brisbane, during which time I had to make a visit to the pharmacy to try and get something that would aid the itchiness being caused by the hundreds (no joke!) of bites that were now all over my body. The bites appeared to be getting worse by the day, but despite all this, Leeanna pointed out that we had gone a full year with having to visit a doctor between the two of us. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. After pumping some over the counter meds into me, we made our way to the Gold Coast and checked into our resort (Surf Parade Resort [9/10]), and man was it nice to not be staying in a hostel! Our ocean view room featured a balcony, flat screen TV, Jacuzzi, a separate bedroom, pull out couch, and a full kitchenette. Believe me, as happy as I was to not be staying in a hostel, Leeanna was ten times happier! Seeing as how we were going to be staying for a week, we loaded up on booze (duh!) and groceries that night before spending the evening relaxing in our “resort room” and watching reruns of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” all night. I use the word relax quite sparingly though, as the bites all over my body were now all consuming and I felt the only thing to do was to take a large quantity of anti-histamines!
After checking out of our hostel the next day, it was off to the bus station to catch a ride down to the swank town of Noosa, which is located on what the Aussies call the Sunshine Coast. It also happens to be close to Steve Irwin’s Australia Zoo, which was the main reason we were going there. I’m pretty sure Leeanna’s whole mission in life (other than to have a nice base tan) has been to visit the Australia Zoo, so there were no ifs, ands, or buts about us going there. That morning, as we were about to board our bus, we ran into the senior from our tour the day before and learned that they bitched to the company and ended up getting their money back. They insisted that I call right away (which I did) and wouldn’t you know it, Miss Leeanna and I were on our way to each receiving a $165 refund! A nice turn-around from the day before I must say. With my smile still on my face from receiving my refund, we arrived in Noosa and checked into our hostel (Noosa Backapackers Resort [8/10]). We spent the remainder of the day walking around town and checking out all the mega-huge houses owned by the rich and not-so-famous before heading over to Noosa National Park to participate in Brent’s favourite activity... nature walks! I must say, at least we were rewarded by seeing one koala in the wild on our nature walk and some remarkable coast line, although I’m sure to Leeanna it’s all the same shit as nature walks just ain’t her bag! That evening I promptly felt the urge to order pizza and beers and put on ten times as many calories as I had burned off that day. I also started to notice that my body was getting quite itchy and was covered in bites. Can you say bed bugs anyone?
The next morning, we were back on the tourist trail, determined to spend our hard-earned Australian dollars. It was off to the aforementioned Australia Zoo (home of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter), which has grown from a rinky-dink reptile park to one of the busiest and most well-known tourist attractions in the country. Seeing as how it’s located in the middle of nowhere though, we had to catch the complimentary shuttle. This was no ordinary shuttle bus though; it was one that played episodes of the Crocodile Hunter non-stop! Crikey! The zoo itself was actually pretty standard, and if anything I must honestly say it was a little small (especially for the inflated admission price). Most of the animals on display were of the Australian variety, with the exception of some of the more famous animals, such as tigers, elephants, etc. What they lacked in size though, I must say they more than made up for in other areas. For starters, the assortment of things dedicated to Steve Irwin, in addition to lots memorabilia and artefacts was truly great to see. Also, the zoo offered lots of interactive shows and feedings. We watched the tortoise feeding (insert own joke), the otter feeding, got to pet koalas and kangaroos, and even got to feed an elephant some fruit. There is nothing quite as comical as watching an elephant eat fruit, especially when people are feeding it into its trunk like it’s a god damn assembly line! Aside from all of this, the thing the zoo is most famous for is its Crocoseum, a 5000 seat amphitheatre where they perform live shows featuring crocodiles, birds, elephants, and an assortment of other creatures. I ended up volunteering and somehow being picked to participate in the bird show. I had to stand up in front of a few thousand people and make ridiculous bird noises and wave my arms like a knob. Apparently, some birds were supposed to fly over and land on me, but instead they decided that they had had enough of this shit and decided to fight the power and flew out of the stadium! This promptly led to a trainer running out of the Crocoseum to track down the birds and me standing there looking like a complete jackass. Oh well, at least I still got my free magazine for participating! After rounding up a large assortment of Crocodile Hunter souvenirs, we headed back to Noosa, where we spent the evening strolling the immaculate streets and eating gelato. Very Brad Pitt, I know.
Friday morning it was time to head on to the what would be the final leg of Leeanna’s OZ journey, the Gold Coast (think a cross between a poor man’s Las Vegas and Niagara Falls, with some gorgeous beaches thrown in for good measure). After wolfing down the world’s best free hostel breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, and sausage, we headed to the bus stop and were on our way. The bus had a short layover in Brisbane, during which time I had to make a visit to the pharmacy to try and get something that would aid the itchiness being caused by the hundreds (no joke!) of bites that were now all over my body. The bites appeared to be getting worse by the day, but despite all this, Leeanna pointed out that we had gone a full year with having to visit a doctor between the two of us. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. After pumping some over the counter meds into me, we made our way to the Gold Coast and checked into our resort (Surf Parade Resort [9/10]), and man was it nice to not be staying in a hostel! Our ocean view room featured a balcony, flat screen TV, Jacuzzi, a separate bedroom, pull out couch, and a full kitchenette. Believe me, as happy as I was to not be staying in a hostel, Leeanna was ten times happier! Seeing as how we were going to be staying for a week, we loaded up on booze (duh!) and groceries that night before spending the evening relaxing in our “resort room” and watching reruns of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” all night. I use the word relax quite sparingly though, as the bites all over my body were now all consuming and I felt the only thing to do was to take a large quantity of anti-histamines!
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