After inhaling mine and most of Colleen's crepes (she was
not as big a fan as I was of the whole meat-filled pancakes idea) we decided to
take in a presentation/Q&A with a former Ringling Brothers circus clown by
the name of Edge. With my love of clowns
and Colleen's undying fear for them (she may have wet her pants during the
Q&A) it was safe to say that I was more intrigued. I was fascinated to learn about the life of a
clown on the road, how to apply clown make-up, and my personal favorite,
learning all about Clown College! Yes,
it exists, although after hearing the stories firsthand, I have a feeling that
most people would be more comfortable at their local community college.
Next on the day's agenda was a matinee performance by Greg Bonham,
another one of the ship's featured performers for our cruise. Promoted as "a powerful Aussie vocalist
with superb trumpet skills" the man did not disappoint. The way the elderly ladies were swooning over
this guy, you would have sworn that Julio Iglesias himself was performing. Having sold over 14 million albums in Russia
alone, I was trying to figure out why this guy was still having to perform on
cruise ships. I mean, shit, even if he
only made 25 cents off of each album sale that would still be more than enough
to live off of for the rest of your natural life. Or maybe Greg just loves being adored by
women with dentures. Who am I to judge
one man's fetishes.Keeping the ball rolling with the quality shows, our next stop was the 15th(!) and top floor of the ship for a "Hot Glass Show". Yes, our ship employed three full-time glass blowers. As if. While Colleen quickly tired of watching three ladies shape glass, I was happier than a pig in shit. I sat there for over 90 minutes, watching these women shape glass into all different types of objects. Even more amazing to me, was the fact that all of these chicks had B.A.s and B.F.A.s in addition to time spent training at the Corning Institute of Glass. I had no idea that this whole cult of glass blowing existed and that you could even get a degree in it. Mind blowing, I know! (Get it, glass blowing and mind blowing! Sorry, I can't help myself)
As if we hadn't watched enough shows that day, we decided to
take in the main show that night which featured some dude who was a finalist on
"America's Got Talent" named Scott Alexander. Yadda yadda yadda, he performed some magic
tricks (and really corny jokes that I could appreciate) and the show was
over. Much more entertaining to Colleen
was when I somehow managed to fall face first going up a set of stairs. How one accomplishes this, I do not know,
although I did manage to get her back.
Shortly after my public shaming, I was dry humping Colleen in an
elevator (good exercise I hear), when unbeknownst to us the elevator door stayed
open and an older couple "walked in on us". Let me tell you, there are very few feelings
as awkward as riding in a confined space with your girlfriend and a couple who
just caught you performing comedic simulated sex. Ah well, looks like we weren't going to be
winning any "Passenger of the Week" awards anytime soon.
~Brentski~
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