Seeing as how we still had a few hours to kill, we decided
to partake in one of my favorite pastimes, bowling. I'm not sure if I like it because I can
consistently beat my girlfriend or because of it is classified as a sport and
requires very little exertion, but either way
I DO LOVE BOWLING! We ended up
logging a solid four games, with my best stretch being four frames where I
bowled two strikes followed by two spares. I know, I'm a big fuckin' deal!
 |
| Why would Colleen let me leave our hotel dressed like this? |
 |
| Born to bowl baby! |
Once I felt I had adequately crushed Colleen's soul on the
hardwood we went back to our hotel to catch our ride to Thailand. There was only one problem: our ride was
nowhere to be seen. Once our ride hit
the "half-an-hour late" mark we started to get a little worried that
we either a) got ripped off, b) they forgot about us, or c) they were just
running late (we were hoping it was the ladder). After attempting to contact the travel agency
by phone to no avail, I ran down the street in a panic to visit the he-she travel
agent who had sold us the tickets the day before. She (we'll assume that's what this person
wants to be called) was able to get a hold of the driver who informed her that
he was just running late as some of the passengers were having trouble getting their
travel visas in order. An
hour-and-a-half after we were originally supposed to be picked up, our minibus
eventually showed up. While the driver
hastily loaded our luggage I attempted to track down Colleen who was charging
her IPhone somewhere in the hotel lobby.
The driver actually started to drive away without Colleen and I, but
thankfully due to traffic I was able to track him down and tell him to wait 20
fucking seconds for me to gather my girlfriend.
It would have been a long walk to Thailand is all I can say.
The majority of our minibus ride consisted of us having to
listen to the guy beside us on his cell phone blab on-and-on to his buddy who
had obviously been in a severe moped crash and was now having to fly back to
Europe for medical care. Sucks to be
him. So
I guess I could officially stop bitching about my moped accident now. Our official welcome back to Thailand
consisted of the most chaotic border crossing I have ever seen. All of the passengers in our vehicle had to
get out and cross the border by foot. Somehow
despite the mass confusion and thousands of people everywhere all of the
passengers made it back to the vehicle and we motored on the rest of the way to
Hat Yai.
Hat Yai is a city in southern Thailand that acts as a major
transportation hub for the region. Once
here, we were dropped off at the bus terminal and the passengers all went their
respective ways. Colleen and I loaded up
on snacks for our impending all night bus ride and shortly before we were
scheduled to leave I decided to visit the men's room for a quick
urination. Since it was late at night
the sprawling bathroom was empty, and there was probably space for 70 or 80
dudes to piss at the same time if they wanted to. As I was standing at the trough-style urinal
relieving myself in the empty bathroom, a young Thai dude in his early twenties
entered and proceeded to come and stand right next to me (like shoulder to
shoulder!). He came up right beside me,
peered over my shoulder, and locked his eyes on my package. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or
frightened, but from the now joyous look on the young man's face he was clearly
enjoying himself. I quickly tried to
finish my piss, although I am pretty sure I got a large amount of urine on my
clothes. I bolted out of the bathroom
and ran the hundred or so yards to where Colleen was waiting and explained to her
how Brent Junior had just been violated by the prying eyes of a bus stop
pervert. It was safe to say it was the
most bizarre "romantic" gesture anyone had ever bestowed upon me on a
Valentine's Day.
Attempting to put my traumatic life experience behind me, we
boarded the bus and prayed that the Male Body Inspector was not on our
bus. Check. What we ended up with instead were a Swiss
and American guy right behind us. The
Swiss guy was determined to get drunk and the American was popping generic Valiums
like they were going to expire any minute.
Rather nonchalantly he offered
Colleen and I some of his magic pills, but alas we decided that we didn't need
to develop any new habits. The bus
itself was quite old and the seats were terribly uncomfortable. Factor in that Colleen had some inconsiderate
broad in front of her who decided to put her seat ALL THE WAY BACK and you have
a recipe for a long, sleepless night.
The bus' overhead air conditioning system also happened to be leaking in
a bunch of random spots and at one point the Swiss dude woke up from his
drunken slumber to discover that he was covered in water! The bathroom on the bus was also a nightmare
as it was so small that I couldn't
figure out how to crouch inside and take a piss at the same time. Factor in that the bus was shaking quite a
bit and you can guess where the majority of my fluids ended up. I'll
give you a hint: my clothes.
All of these glorious factors piled on top of one another eventually
led Colleen and I to start getting a little snappy with one another and it is
safe to say, while it wasn't the most romantic Valentine's Day, it was one we
were never going to forget!
~Brentski~
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