With our bacon and eggs polished off, we summoned a cab to
take us into town to the train station.
The driver told us he would be there in ten minutes. Fast forward forty minutes and the cab had
still not arrived so we loaded into the complimentary hotel shuttle which was
making its scheduled run into town. Just
as we were about to leave, the cab finally rolled up and started getting angry
with us! "Yes, douche bag driver, it's
my fault you gave me a time and exceeded it by 400%. Asshole".
For once, I actually put my foot
down and we took the hotel shuttle, although by this point we were getting
quite nervous as to whether or not we were going to make it to the train station in time. We arrived literally the minute the train was
scheduled to depart, but as with everything in Thailand it was running 45
minutes late and I was able to breathe a little easier (or as easy as you can
when it's 35°C out and you are carrying around a gigantic backpack). As luck would have it, there was also some
kind of event going on across from the train station with free ice cream and
drinks! Yup, things were definitely starting
to look up.
When the train finally arrived, we were ushered into our car
by very serious "train-men" or whatever it is you call railroad
employees these days. When reviewing our
train options the previous day I had discovered that this was one of the nicer
more expensive trains, which was actually quite shocking because the train
actually resembled a big piece of steel shit.
I was afraid to think what the lower-class trains were like. Actually. I must say they did feed us on our train
ride, although Colleen and I both passed on the rail food, as one of the first
lessons I ever learned in life was don't
eat railway food. I believe I
learned that one right after the life lesson about not masturbating too much or it will make you go blind. The highlight of the train ride (unless your
name is Colleen) was when a little beetle-like creature somehow found his way
to where Colleen and I were sitting. This
naturally led my girlfriend to go into a crazed panic-state, complete with
shrieks and accompanying jumping up and down.
At least all the old Thai women sitting around us were going to have a
good story to tell their families that night at the dinner table!
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| Now that's the Thailand I've been looking for! |
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| Is that a tank top underneath your dress? My bad, it's the world's worst sunburn! |
A couple of hours and one
near-death-experience-at-the-hands-of-a-bug later we arrived at the Ban Krut
train station. It was a far cry from the
cities we had been experiencing for the last couple of weeks and it was a
welcome relief to see that the entire township's taxi fleet was waiting for the
train. Yup, three motorcycles with sidecars
attached to them. I was actually
enthusiastic about getting to ride in a sidecar, as it has always been a life
mission of mine. I set my goals high Mom. What can I say. We instructed our barefoot motorcycle driver
as to which resort we were headed to and voila; twenty minutes later we were
standing at the front door of Baan Montra Resort. It was a somewhat isolated resort, with
eighteen villas located right off a quiet beach. Now this was the Thailand I was looking
for. The biggest surprise of the day had
to be the owner-operator, who was the most flamboyantly gay Thai man ever. Nice enough guy I must say, just kind of
caught me a little off guard out here in the middle of nowhere.
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| Tropical trees. |
After showing us around the resort a little we were led to
our room which was surrounded by things like trees, brush and plants. Or in Colleen's eyes... BUG DWELLINGS! Upon entering
the room, her worst fears were realized as we quickly discovered that there
were hundreds of bugs both dead (mostly) and alive (a few). As anyone who has been following this blog
knows, Colleen instantly lost her shit and I was quickly put to work trying to
round up as many carcasses as I could.
She promptly sprayed the entire room with Raid, bug spray, and bed bug
spray. Eventually after an hour or so of
spraying, removing dead bugs, bug-proofing the entire villa, and me trying to
convince Colleen that it would be okay and I would never make her "stay in
nature" again if she just made it through these three nights, we headed
down to the beach for a lovely stroll.
Most of our walk we were stalked by a couple of dogs that I was pretty
sure were going to eat us, but eventually they gave up on us when they
discovered that the only things of interest we had seen in over an hour of
walking was a few dead squids, lots of crabs, and some kids who had buried
their friend in the sand and given him a "log penis". Real mature guys!
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| That kid is packing some serious heat below the belt! |
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| That dog is just casually waiting for us to stroll by so he can kill us. |
That night we were pretty tired out from our all our bug
killing so we decided to just have dinner at the resort's basic open-air
restaurant. Back at the room, Colleen
quickly wrapped herself in her "bug sheet", which was apparently a
sleeping bag liner that she had gotten from a co-worker and was supposed to
keep bugs away from you while you sleep.
Technology these days! First electricity, now blankets that repel bugs!
Unbelievable!
~Brentski~
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| ...And if the dog doesn't kill us this guy definitely will. |
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