Day 85- Off To Penang, The Night Food Market Capital Of Malaysia (Solid Claim To Fame).

Having successfully survived our first few days in Malaysia, it was time for us to move upwards and onwards.  Our goal was to travel back to Thailand via bus, but before we made it back we were going to spend a few nights in the northern Malaysian city of Penang.  Before leaving Kuala Lumpur, Colleen and I hit up our local one-of-the-world's-largest-malls for some grub.  Keeping with our theme of super exotic eating we settled on a combination of Booster Juice, jumbo pretzels, and a mandatory visit to the local Subway.  Rather impressively it was the sixth time in the last nine days that Colleen had eaten Subway, and two of the days she didn't have any were because we were on a cruise ship!

With our bellies full we headed over to the bus terminal, which like many such things in Southeast Asia was a complete gong show.  There were people hassling you left, right, and centre trying to sell you bus tickets and it appeared that there were dozens of bus companies operating out of this one terminal.  Eventually we found what we thought was our bus and lugged our heavier-by-the-minute backpacks over to the platform.  After our departure time had come and gone, we were a little nervous and started asking around if anyone knew anything as there were buses constantly coming and going.  Not surprisingly, no one had a fuckin' clue and the wifey and I were left wondering whether or not we would make it to Penang. 



This bus ride is so enjoyable. Not tight at all.



 

Amidst much confusion and chaos our bus did eventually show up.  Keeping up with our run of good luck, Colleen and I got seated behind the world's two biggest assholes who decided to put their seats ALL THE WAY back and effectively pin Colleen and I to our seats for the entire six hour journey.  Of course six hours wasn't enough time with the two Sleeping Beauties in front of us so the transportation gods decided to throw in some Chinese New Year traffic to lengthen the drive and really test our meddle. 

By the time we pulled into Penang with our crushed lower extremities, all we could think about was getting off that damn bus!  Well that, and the fact that it seemed there were no actual "Malay" people in this part of the country.  Every person seemed to be of Chinese or Indian descent, which upon further inquiring I was told was quite normal for this region.  Hmmm, good to know I guess.  Colleen had again enforced her womanly charm will on me and forced us to book into a large Western-style hotel, the Cititel.  I know I shouldn't complain about staying in nicer accommodations than I had originally planned for, but damn was my now non-existent budget taking a beating.  No straw huts and backpacker dives for this broad!

Once we were settled in we headed out into the streets to check out Penang's regionally famous street food.  There are a number of night markets that are chock full of vendors hawking all sorts of food from various regions of the world.  Initially we decided to skip said markets and settled on some good old-fashioned hot dogs and hamburgers (sad, I know).  After filling our guts with the street grease, Colleen and I wised up and headed over to Red Garden Food Paradise, one of the more famous night markets in the city.  The place was full of Malaysian Chinese people as far as the eye could see, which again just seemed odd to me because I was completely ignorant to the large scale immigration that had occurred here.  Never ones not to eat even when we are full, the lady and I tackled a banana split and some jumbo beers to wash it down.  Colleen eventually decided that she was still hungry (even though she hadn't finished her original dinner) and went out and scored herself a second round of supper.  I must say I hear the same thing almost every night when Colleen (who inevitably never finishes her food) thus proclaims herself to be hungry not one hour after dinner.  The nerve I tell ya!  Love is a funny thing.

 



Colleen striking her model pose outside the Red Garden Food Paradise.



Just your typical, everyday Malaysian food market.



Jumbo beers will get you every time!



~Brentski~

Day 84- A Mosque, Hindu Sacred Site, Royal Malay Palace, and Subway Restaurant. Which One Doesn't Belong?

On my previous day's failed attempt to find Chinatown, one thing I did manage to find was the contact for a tour company known as "Reggae Tours".  They offered a tour of seven of the more popular tourist sites in Kuala Lumpur via a minibus and it was only RM70 ($23 Canadian) for the full day.  So even if it sucked, we still wouldn't feel that bad!  Before any touring could take place though, we had to fuel up on Colleen's preferred choice of chow, Subway.  The mall was extremely quiet as it was it was officially the first day of the Chinese New Year (February 10).  It was definitely a bit of an eerie feeling (see: haunted mall).

With our freshly inhaled foot longs resting in our belly, we headed back to the hotel for our tour pickup.  Although he was running quite late, our driver Jebb eventually showed up with a crew of about eight or so other passengers.  He informed us that both of his drivers had called in sick that morning and that he was in fact the owner of the company and rarely drove.  It's good to know that calling in sick on a holiday is a worldwide problem!  Having Jebb as our driver actually turned out to be a good thing (IMO) as he was super knowledgeable, friendly, and was really good at answering all of my nerdy questions about Malaysia and the sites we were visiting. 



Colleen getting her "mosque" on.





The first stop on our whirlwind day tour was at the International Mosque of Malaysia.  We had to throw on some robes (cannot remember what they are called, no disrespect intended Muslim people) before giving ourselves the quick self-guided tour.  With one site down, our second stop of the day was Little India, which was a different Little India than the one I had visited the day before.  Who knew a city could have multiple Little India's?  This was followed up by a visit to the National War Memorial and then a visit to the Royal Palace.  And by visiting the Royal Palace I of course mean that we just went to the outside gates and stood there and stared at the guards or whatever they are that stand there seemingly perfectly still all day.  I felt sorry for their horses more than anything.  They, like the people were meant to stand there all day "at attention" if you will.  Lots of time to day dream about eating carrots and visiting the glue factory I guess.



Not too sure what I'm doing here.





War Memorial. Looks like every other war memorial around.
 



So close, yet so far from the Royal Palace.


The chaos that is Little India.

After we mowed down the first four stops of the day, our next destination was a little out of the city, the Batu Caves.  The Batu Caves are a series of sacred Hindu caves and temples and it is in fact one of the largest Hindu shrines in the world outside of India.  On this day, we learned that it happened to be one of the busiest days of the year at the temple and there were thousands of people everywhere who had come to the temples/caves that day.  Many of the men and women had shaved heads and there were even babies with freshly cropped crew cuts.  I think it was safe to assume that the local barber wasn't going to be going out of business anytime soon.  Many of the people with their shaved heads were also covered in some weird powder and were walking around barefoot.  While I wasn't about to take my devotion that far, I did decide to hike up the nearly 300 stairs to the main cave/temple.  Colleen decided it was not for her, so I was left to explore on my own.  After reaching the top of what felt like Mount Everest, I was greeted by monkeys and chickens that were running around and a series of temples in caves.  The whole thing was really quite bizarre if I say so myself, but hey to each their own!



Batu Caves.



Looking down from the top of the stairs at the Batu Caves.



That is a shit load of stairs.



Sweet hairdo man.



Thankfully the walk down the steps was a little easier than going up, and after rounding up my fresh-legged girlfriend we were back on the tour bus and headed to our last two stops of the day: Independence Square and some street with old-style Malaysian architecture that Colleen and I could give two-shits about.  One bonus of the tour was that I was able to sleep (much to the amazement of Colleen) on the rides between various stops.  It sure helped to keep me feeling fresh!  All-in-all though, I must say it was a great value tour and a good way to spend a day in KL if you are ever in the neighborhood.



Independence Square. Will Smith is nowhere to be seen.



Back at our hotel we decided to steer clear of the mall for dinner that night, as the service issues were borderline unbearable.  We opted instead to eat at a bar across the street from our hotel .  One thing I must warn people of: drinking is generally not a cheap hobby in Malaysia. I found it amusing that on the way in the gentleman asked me if I was Muslim and refused to show us the alcoholic drink menu until I verified (by honor system of course) that I was in fact a non-Muslim.  I must say, working security at a nightclub in Kuala Lumpur has got to be one of the toughest gigs around.  Keeping track of all your patrons religious beliefs has got to be mind-boggling!

~Brentski~

Day 83- Nothing Excites Me More Than A Visit To A Telecommunications Tour. Well, With The Exception Of Bruce Willis Movies.

We are SOOOO bringing some of these broads back to the hotel room.

Never being ones to break form when it comes to eating, Colleen and I hit up the ever-exotic Papa John's Pizza at the local shopping mall for breakfast/lunch.  Following up on the dreadful service from the previous night, I didn't think it would be possible to receive worse service in a restaurant.  Boy was I wrong!  It took them over twenty minutes to bring us two cans of Coke from around the corner...and that was with us asking multiple times.  I have seen a lot of people who don't give a shit in the workplace, but the service staff in Kuala Lumpur was unlike anything.  Naturally they also tacked on the mandatory 10% service charge, just to add insult to injury.



Monorail!!!!!!!!!



With that debacle behind us, we decided we needed to get out of the mall and see what the city had to offer.  We headed over to the monorail (you have to sing the word "monorail" a la The Simpsons when saying it) and booted over to KL Tower, which is one of the five tallest telecommunications towers in the world.  I can now say I have been to three out of the top five tallest telecommunications towers in the world (CN Tower in Toronto and the Oriental Pearl Tower in Shanghai being the other two).  I know, it basically makes me a legend.  While we were there we did the usual tourist duties consisting of taking an elevator to the top, taking some goofy pictures and admiring the skyline of the city.  I must say, I was quite ignorant to Malaysia and Kuala Lumpur before we arrived and it was fascinating to see the construction going on everywhere.   There was a crane building some type of condo or office building on seemingly every block and there were luxury cars and stores abound.  It really is a city with its sights set on the future. 



Colleen on tiny people watch.



Tourists!

KL Tower.  It will never be as cool as the CN Tower.



 

Now that we had done the requisite "tallest tower/building in town" visit, we were free to do as we pleased.  Colleen decided that she needed to get her archery fix, so we trekked back to Berjaya Times Square and before we knew it we were firing arrows directly into the dead centre of the targets.  And by that I of course mean into the netting behind and away from the targets.  My girlfriend also deemed this to be her new addiction, along with scuba diving and I am still trying to figure out if these are cheaper dependencies than shopping and unnecessary baking.   Before this trip I hadn't fired a bow and arrow in probably twenty years and now here I was for the second time in a month testing out my archery skills.



There is a suspiciously low number of arrows piercing the actual targets.



After archery our plan was to hit up the amusement park, but we quickly nixed this idea when the smoothies we consumed weren't sitting too well.  We took this as our cue to head back to the hotel and relax instead of riding roller coasters with a bunch of ten year olds and barfing all over them.  Being the restless fart that I am, I cannot sit still too long in a hotel and before I knew it I was on the monorail by myself headed to check out Chinatown while Colleen relaxed in the hotel.  Somewhere along the way my non-existent navigation skills let me down and instead of finding Chinatown I found Little India instead.  Having never been to India, I can't tell you if this is what India is like, although I imagine it is pretty similar.  There was chaos everywhere, loud flute-driven music (we shall assume for snake charming purposes)  playing from many of the stores and just wall-to-wall people as far as you could see.  It was total pandemonium! 



Uh oh....



Thankfully I am allowed to enjoy the sweet sweet nectar.



 

I made it out of Kuala Lumpur's re-creation of Delhi intact, but I never did find Chinatown.  Instead, I went back to the hotel and found Colleen waiting for me to take her out for a romantic dinner; to Wendy's naturally.  We washed down our greasy burgers with a couple of games of bowling where I had to remind Colleen that men are just inherently better at sports than women.  It's just a fact ladies.



The best part of bowling is always the shoes.



Better watch out Kingpin.

To wrap up our night we went to see the cinematic masterpiece known as, "A Good Day To Die Hard".  It was not yet out in North America, which was kind of odd as most movies tend to come out in the US before they reach our fine friends in Asia.  One unique thing about going to the movies in Malaysia was the excessive subtitling.  The movie was shown in English with both Malay and Chinese subtitles underneath.  It became even more distracting when a character in the movie was speaking Russian and they then added English subtitles into the mix.  Yes, at some points there were three different languages of subtitles on the screen.  Also, many swear words were censored out in the movie and if there were any sex scenes those were most definitely edited out.  I'm hoping there weren't any though, cause nobody needs to see Bruce Willis scoring some tail.  Not surprisingly, Malaysia has some of the strictest censorship laws in the world.  In conclusion, DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE.  UNLESS YOU WANT TO LAUGH A LOT, THEN YES WASTE A COUPLE HOURS OF YOUR LIFE AND WATCH IT.



Happy Chinese New Year!



~Brentski~

Day 82- Welcome To Malaysia. Where Most People Are In Fact Not Malaysian At All And More People Speak English Than In Most Canadian Cities.

Faster than we could say "Singaporean-Malaysian Cruise" our two night cruise was over.  We awoke bright and early at 6:30am and headed down to the main dining room for our last all-inclusive meal.  In keeping with the theme of the cruise, the wait staff managed to get our order wrong and the food also happened to be rather crappy.  I think it was safe to say that we wouldn't be sailing with Royal Caribbean anytime soon again.  Making our way off the ship we had to scan our "cruise identity" cards so that they could keep track of everyone leaving and to make sure everyone's accounts were up to snuff.  As Colleen went to exit, the card machine started beeping rather excessively and everyone was staring at the two of us.  This was in turn followed by her being whisked away by a handful of employees who told her that her account had not been paid.  It turned out that Visa had decided to put a hold on her credit card, which in turn caused her to become the centre of attention for everyone within gawking distance of us.  Thankfully after a quick phone call we got everything sorted out and the crew released Colleen with her sparkling clean criminal record sheet still intact.



If that doesn't look disgusting, I don't know what does.



Now that the cruise was in the past, it was time for us to lug our backpacks across the city to the bus stop.  Luckily we had a few hours to kill before our bus ride to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, which was a good thing as the two of us weren't moving too quickly with our 35-pound backpacks in temperatures that were approaching 40 degrees Celsius.  After much pissing and moaning (mostly from Colleen I might add!), we made it to the bus terminal where Colleen immediately sent me on a mission to find a magnet and post card to commemorate our visit to Singapore.  I figured this would be easy given the fact that we were near a major transportation hub.  I was severely wrong.  I marched around for over an hour trying to find her these God-forsaken mementos.  Let me just say she better not ever lose that magnet, cause I lost a lot of bodily fluids to track that fuckin' thing down!



Street feline trying to kill me!



By the time our bus arrived and started to load up a little after noon, I was looking forward to the air conditioning more than anything.  The bus had some of the most spacious accommodations  I have ever seen for this mode of transport and the seats even had some massage mechanism built into them (I couldn't figure out this technology).  The bus ride itself was pretty uneventful, minus the fact that we had to get out with all of our luggage at the Singapore-Malaysia border to clear customs.  This was definitely a hassle bitch, but on the positive side Colleen added a couple of stamps to her passport which excites her almost as much as topless pictures of Charlie Hunnam.  The bus ride ended up taking a couple of extra hours as the traffic was quite heavy due to the Chinese New Year holiday and the fact that we had our daily dose of torrential rainfall. 



I'm not making any promises.





We made it to Malaysia!



 

Arriving in KL (Kuala Lumpur) a little later than we had anticipated, the bus dropped us outside of Berjaya Times Square.  Berjaya happens to be one of the twenty largest shopping malls in the world and its vast amenities include over one thousand stores, a multi-level movie theatre, a bowling alley, an amusement park, an archery range, and a ton of other stuff that I can't be bothered trying to recollect at this exact moment.  Our hotel (Furama Bukit Bintang) was supposedly located only a couple of minutes away, although it probably took us closer to half an hour to find as we were extremely disoriented and overwhelmed by our new surroundings. 

 

Colleen seems unimpressed with one of the largest shopping malls in the world.



...But Colleen they have a roller coaster.
 

Getting in the spirit for the Chinese New Year.

Some interesting things I observed in my first couple of hours in Malaysia:

1) Since it is a Muslim country many of the women wear head gear.

2) The actual percentage of "Malay" people is quite low.  In fact Chinese immigrants make-up 30% of the population, while Indian immigrants make-up a further 15%.

3) I was ignorant to how widely spoken English was.  Just about everyone spoke English and the signs for all the stores (at least in Kuala Lumpur) were in English.

4) Our hotel room had an arrow on the ceiling pointing towards Mecca.  You know, just in case I need to make a pilgrimage.

5) It is not the easiest country to find a beer in! Because of the fact that it is a Muslim country (albeit a liberal one), all of the convenience stores that did sell beer would have signs on the refrigerator doors stating that Muslims were not allowed to purchase it.  But what if the Muslim wears a disguise?

 

Once we got settled in to our room, we headed over to the mall for some good old fashioned Western food.  Unfortunately for us we decided to eat at Nando's, where we received some of the worst service I have ever seen.  I had read that most restaurants in Malaysia tack on a 10% service charge to your bill, so none of the staff seemed to give a fuck if you actually got served or not.  I mean, like 10-15 minutes to grab me a Diet Coke that was ten feet away.  And it's not like they were busy, they just truly did not give a fuck.  We would discover in the coming days that this was par for the course in just about every restaurant  around and my patience (or lack thereof) was being thoroughly tried.

All those people and their damn "Paking".

~Brentski~