Day 46 (January 3, 2013)- Colleen Conveniently Gets "Sick" And Brent Has To Forego The Red Light District. Coincidence? I Think Not!

Not surprisingly, we started off my Mom's final day on the great continent of Asia with a visit to the most American of establishments: Denny's.  It was a bittersweet celebration of sorts.  On one hand, it was sad to see my old roommate Mom leaving, but it also meant that we were getting closer to hitting up some more tropical locales very soon in the form of Thailand and its surrounds.  My Mother's departure also meant that I would hopefully no longer have to spend any more nights on the floor; that is unless I pissed Colleen off immensely, which I'm sure was bound to happen in the weeks ahead (stay tuned to find out!).  Originally the plan was for my Mom to go back to the airport that day the way we came when we arrived in the country, by riding multiple trains/subways/cabs and praying to whatever God you believe in that you will arrive there in one piece.  Rather wisely, she nixed this idea and we decided to buy her a bus ticket which would take her directly to the airport.  I guess everyone doesn't share my enthusiasm for close-calls and getting super stressed out before a flight.  So, we said our farewells and waved goodbye to my one and only Mommy.  I felt so sorry for her, flying home first class from Tokyo to Toronto (some perk they gave her for working for Air Canada for 600 years).  With my maternal connection now gone, it was time for Colleen and I to paaaaaaaarty! And by party, I mean we promptly went back to the hotel and I enjoyed a nice, long nap on my miniature Japanese bed which was actually a HUGE upgrade over the floor I had been sleeping on the previous two nights. 

The illustrious Hachioji Hotel.  not surprisingly it was full of people who smiled a lot and had straight black hair.

Since we were well rested from our afternoon siesta, Colleen and I decided to take the subway over to Shinjuku, one of Tokyo's more well-known districts and explore it by foot.  That was the plan at least.  Seeing as how we were going to be heading to Thailand in a couple of days we had sent home our heavier coats with my Mom and decided we were going to tough it out like champs in the cold weather and just wear our sweaters.  Well, at least that was my idea.   Colleen quickly nixed this idea though and after a short time wandering around lost and confused, we decided to grab some dinner at place called Kirin Beer House.  I must say the food was fantastic and the brews were delicious.  Highly recommended.  I was hopeful now that Colleen had her fill of tasty food that she might entertain the idea of sauntering over to the "Red Light District", but alas she claimed it was too cold out and that she wasn't feeling well.  Instead, we headed to some 15-storey shopping mall, the not-so-originally-named "Times Square", and proceeded to shop for jewelry.  Funny how things work out sometimes. 

Inside the Kirin Beer House. Tasty times.

Back at the hotel, I was still feeling pretty crushed about not getting to see the red light district.  I mean, come on baby, I just wanted to compare notes with Amsterdam's version!  Research I tell ya, research!  With my heart in my hands, I was left to do my first and thankfully last load of laundry in Japan.  The dryer took over  90 minutes to dry six items, which I can only assume is because it was not used to my "Godzilla" size clothes.  Either that or our hotel just had a shitty dryer.  I'm gonna go with the first option though cause it just makes me sound more bad ass.

~Brentski~

In case you didn't know...

Day 45 (January 2, 2013)- So What If I've Got A Thing For Chicks In Mini-Skirts Who Wear Surgical Masks

Seeing as how we were no longer afraid of eating at Denny's, it was routine for us to eat there for breakfast.  We were actually starting to get pretty good at pointing out the items on the menu that we like, and the wait staff were generally pretty awesome as they helped us out.  It may have also been a novelty thing, as we were the only non-Japanese people for miles and we were in there every day!  Either way, we got fed, even if it was spaghetti and meatballs and mystery salads at 9am! 

Warning: Slightly Off Topic Observations....

·         Just about every restaurant in Japan has plasticized versions of their food in the front window.  I'm not sure if this is supposed to lure people in, but they generally all look disgusting to me.

·         Everyone, everywhere is wearing surgical masks!  I mean, the mask sale business in Japan alone must literally be worth billions of dollars.  If you walk into any store, it seems as if one of the first items you will see for sale is a mask, often times with some ridiculous "fashion" design on it (cats, anyone?).  The best part about Japan's germ phobia was the fact that the whole time we were there Colleen was really sick and coughing like mad.  It came in really handy when we wanted to clear out some space on the subway.

·         The chicks love to dress like hookers!  Now guys, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, just making an observation (hopefully Colleen skips over reading this blog).  My personal favorite is the chicks who dress super skanky and are wearing a surgical mask to go with it.  I'm sure an entire niche market exists for "Asian-Surgical-Mask-Porn". Note to self: Delete internet history.

After getting our fill at Denny's, Kiel and Peter were on their way, as they wanted some freedom to get away from Colleen, my Mom, and I and were thus checking in to a hostel closer to the heart of the city.  Once they got sorted, we met them back at the Visitor's Center, as the center was hosting a traditional Japanese tea ceremony.  It was quite the ridiculous experience, as a bunch of goofy looking tourists (see: us) gathered around while being served tea and some mystery food by a Japanese tea master.  Peter was really into the whole thing, while all I could think about was how the tea tasted like seaweed or at least what I imagine seaweed to taste like.  Just chalk it up as a cultural experience.

Just enjoying a tea party. Trying not to barf!

 

With our stomachs full of not-so-delicious tea, we headed back out into the miserable Tokyo winter weather and proceeded to head over to the Imperial Gardens.  As luck would have it again, they were inaccessible once more, as the Emperor and his family were making their annual post-New Year's appearance.  This was apparently quite the occasion, as there were hundreds of tour buses that had apparently brought people from all over the country to get a glimpse of their beloved royalty.  I figured it must've been Burt Reynolds or something.

Since the chances of us getting anywhere near the Imperial Gardens and/or Emperor were non-existent, we got back on our horses and headed over to window shop in Ginza aka Tokyo' super expensive, yet insanely busy, shopping district.  January 2, is their equivalent of Boxing Day in Canada, so the shops were all insanely busy.  We stumbled into the Apple store, and I literally felt like I was 16 again and in a mosh pit at a Creed concert (Yes, that sadly happened). 

Looks like we know who Kiel's taking home tonight...

 

Since too much shopping was not going to be happening, we next plundered on to the Akihabara district of Tokyo, although it is more commonly known as "Electric City".  As soon as we emerged from the subway station, it was just a complete sensory overload.  This is what people picture when you say the word Tokyo to them!  There were flashing lights everywhere and enough neon bulbs to put even the finest strip club to shame.  We wandered around for a bit and checked out a few different stores and arcades.  We discovered the Japanese peoples' love for some game called "Pachinko" which was some kind of gambling, but not real gambling.  I really have no fucking clue to be honest, although Kiel made an attempt to experience the Japanese arcade culture.  Sadly, the robot store we wanted to go to was closed, although we did find this awesome store that was completely dedicated to all things Nintendo.  It was literally floor to ceiling, multiple floors of everything you could possibly imagine for all the various Nintendo systems since the beginning of time.  I don't get too excited about video games these days, but damn, this place was faaaaaaaaannnnntastic!

Nintendo store in Akihabara = greatest find of life!

 

Back at the hotel, we were down to only three of us that night, as Kiel and Peter had fled the nest.  It was also my Mom's last night in Japan as she was flying home the next day.  For a truly Asian experience we decided to watch "Hall Pass" and drink shitty wine from 7/11.  Sounds like a fine night to me!

Akihabara light up at night. Completely shames Las Vegas.

~Brentski~

Day 44 (January 1, 2013)- When One Monkey Bends Another Monkey Over And Proceeds To Hump Him, Is It Called "Monkey-Style" Or "Doggie-Style"?

Not surprisingly, New Year's Day got off to a late start for us after our attempt the previous night to maximize our value at the all-you-can-drink festivities.  After we were all semi-conscious and presentable, we strolled on down the street to Denny's for some breakfast.  During our first few days in Tokyo we had been avoiding Denny's because, ironically the pictures of the food they had looked too exotic for us.  I never thought in my lifetime I would be avoiding a Denny's for fear of its cuisine being too much for my palate.  Alas, we dug up the courage and made our way inside.  I am happy to note that Denny's in Japan does sell lots of regular crappy diner-style food in addition to the tons of fish dishes that the Japanese people seem to live for.  The only real gripe I had with Denny's (and other establishments in Japan) is that they still allow smoking inside!  I find it odd that a country as advanced and seemingly "worldly" as Japan still allows people to smoke in restaurants.  It just didn't feel right, sitting around all these people who no doubt invented Nintendo, Toyota, and Hello Kitty to be smoking Marlboros while eating a stack of flapjacks.

Peter likes Japanese balls....in his mouth.

 

After our uber-Japanese American breakfast, we pondered what to do with the remainder of the day and decided to check out Mount Takao. It is basically like a poor man's Mount Fuji  but a lot closer to where we were staying.  Unfortunately, Kiel's jet lag coupled with his hangover were getting the better of him and he was unable to join us.  With that in mind, Peter, Colleen, my mom, and I headed over to the mountain to see what it was all about.  Seeing as how most of the literature we could find was only printed in Japanese, all we really knew was that there was a mountain, a cable car, a chair lift, some monkeys, and a temple.  What more could one ask for in life?  We also surmised that because there was a temple, it would probably be crazy busy there as Japanese people love to go to temples on New Year's Day. 

View looking out from Mount Takao.

 

Upon emerging from the subway station at the base of the mountain, it became quite clear to us that it appeared just about every person in Japan had decided to come here to ring in the New Year!  There were literally thousands of people everywhere, but fortunately the Japanese people are very orderly and polite so this does not create as much pandemonium as it does in other places (see: China).  Once we got our bearings, we got in line for the chair lift that would take us part way up the mountain.  Having ridden many a chair lifts in my time, this was the first one I can recall operating with no lap bar of any kind, and all I can say is "insurance claim waiting to happen".  In fact, if such a thing were operational in America, I have no doubt that people would be intentionally throwing themselves off of it in an attempt to sue the pants off the poor bastard who was running the thing.  Once we got to the top of the mountain we wandered around for a bit and just followed the massive herds of people.  Sadly, due to the insanely large crowds, we were unable to get anywhere near the actual temple, so we had to settle for wandering around and looking at a bunch of shit that we really had no idea what it was as all the signs were in some foreign language.  Probably Japanese.  At least we got some cool pictures though!  Our next stop on the Mount Takao tourist express was for us to visit the not-so-famous monkeys that they have on display.  Luckily for us, we rolled up right when the monkey-keeper(?) started his show.  Now if anyone knows anything more funny than watching a zookeeper babble on in Japanese while monkeys swarm him for  food I challenge you to tell me.  Oh, and to make it even better, while most of the monkeys were swarming the zookeeper, a couple of them decided that they were going to have at it doggie style off to the other side of the pen.  They would hump for three seconds, stop, then go at it again.  This continued for a solid ten minutes and definitely made me feel shameful about my bedroom exploits.  Although we all loved the monkey sex + feeding show, eventually we had had enough.  Due to a couple members of our party's fear of the safety-featureless chair lifts, we decided to take the cable car back down the mountain, which proved to be much more frightening in my opinion, as we had to be crammed into a small space one on top of the other and transported at a very slow speed down a mountain.

Colleen monkeying around. The sign reads, "If you're a dumb tourist make sure you pose beside this sign acting like a complete a-hole"!

 

Back at our hotel, we were all pretty exhausted from our day out and the jet lag was definitely starting to hit us.  We opted to go to an Italian restaurant not far from out hotel for dinner, cause, well that's what we do.  We eat Italian food in Japan because we're all a bunch of weak-stomached-poutine-eating white folk from Canada.  For the record, it was fucking delicious though!  That night I unfortunately lost the "sleeping on the floor" lottery (we only had two rooms, each with one small bed for the five of us).  As usual, I turned to my two favorite crutches: sleeping pills and Asahi beer. 

~Brentski~

Safest. Chair lift. Ever. Peter and Dawn scared shitless.

 

Day 43 (December 31,2012)- All-You-Can-Drink + Darts + No One Speaking English = Typical Moreau New Year's Eve

Luckily for me, I didn't lose the "sleeping on the floor" lottery the night before and was well rested for what would probably be my first and last New Year's Eve in Japan. Unlike North America, where Christmas is arguably or biggest/most celebrated holiday of the year, in Japan that honor is bestowed upon New Year's. It is traditionally a time where people get together with families and visit local temples. Fortunately, some Japanese people do like to get ignorantly drunk and make asses of themselves like we do on this side of the Pacific!

That day, Kiel and Peter decided to head into downtown Tokyo, while I chilled out with my Mom and Colleen. Our day mostly consisted of trying to find a place close to our hotel to ring in the New Year, as we weren't in the mood to lug our asses over an hour in each direction into the heart of the city. Factor in that we would all probably be finely tuned after the stroke of midnight and it's safe to assume that it would take us even longer to get back to the hotel. After perusing the lovely neighborhood of Hachioji with my girlfriend and mother for a few hours, I was able to safely draw a few conclusions:

· After visiting a pet store, I can see that Japanese people grossly overpay for pet dogs, which they in turn dress in ridiculous clothes. (Seems particularly odd since many of their nearby countries are reputed to have canine on their menus)

· All women like shoe shopping. Men do not.

· The five of us had to be the least exotic eaters in the history of travel. We subsisted almost our entire time in Japan on a diet of McDonald's, Burger King, Denny's, and Subway. Oh, and don't forget beer, wine and snacks from 7/11.

Later that evening we all met back up at the hotel and the five of us decided that we would hit up some club dive attached to our hotel called "Club Motown". The dude at the front desk of our hotel translated the sign out front for us and told us that they were having an "all-you-can-drink" from 8pm until midnight. Where do we sign up!?



The ladies getting dolled out for their night on the town.

After the ladies got all dolled up and the gentleman shampooed and conditioned their chest hair (okay, maybe just Peter), we headed over to Club Motown shortly after 8pm. When we got there, there were probably under 20 people and throughout the course of the night, this number maybeincreased by 10. Oh well, we were here now and that meant we each had to get our $40 worth! The initial translation barrier was tough, but once our waiter figured out what we were all drinking, the drinks started flowing at a nasty clip and it wouldn't have mattered if there were 25 or 2500 people there, we were going to get rowdy. Once we got a few drinks in to us, we got up some nerve and headed over to play some darts. Unfortunately, all the beer in the world wasn't going to make us good dart players, and we were quickly ridiculed by our Japanese counterparts. In fact, they took it upon themselves to go and find someone in the bar who could speak a little bit of English so that they could use this translator to tell us that we need to practice! Later on in the evening, the venue also rolled out some casino games, although because of Japanese gaming laws, you could not actually win money. Sure, you could lose all the money in the world to the house, but you were never going to win. I may be a degenerate gambler, but even by standards that was a bit ridiculous.

Since gambling and darts were now out of the equation, we settled on doing what we do best: drinking. As the night started to wear on, some people (see: Kiel and Dawn Moreau) were very well lubricated and started to get a little rambunctious. So when the bartenders started handing out party favors and champagne to the now growing crowd (almost 50 people!) a little before midnight, it seemed inevitable that they were going to start setting them off early and causing a ruckus. Oh well, at least we all made it to 2013!


The crew on New Year's Eve with our classic waiter.

Shortly after midnight we headed out into the night, although we put my mommy to bed first, as it appeared she had won the contest to party the hardest before midnight. Colleen, Peter, Kiel, and I ended up wandering the streets for a bit and couldn't really find anything worthy of catching our attention so we ended up packing it in shortly thereafter.

2013 was officially underway, and it was time to make the most of it...right after I sleep off this wicked hangover with two other grown men in 10 foot X 10 foot hotel room!

~Brentski~

Pretty much sums up the night.