Day 59- Does This Beard Make Me Look Fat?

I must admit, I did enjoy sleeping a nice, proper, luxurious hotel bed, although Colleen and I quickly realized that we probably should not have booked two nights in Chumphon as there was absolutely nothing for visitors to do in the town.  With that in mind, we enjoyed the complimentary breakfast buffet.  I must say, one of the nice perks I have noticed in Thailand is that just about every hotel includes breakfast in the price, which is not only a great money-saver, but is also highly convenient as I do not have to take my half-asleep ass down the street in search of dirty sausage.  After stretching breakfast out for as long as we could, Colleen and I realized that we still had an entire day to kill, so we did all normal people do: shaved my beard into a wide variety of styles and had our very own "Zoolander" style photo shoot.

I call this pose "Magenta Steel".

So dreamy.

Sadly, Colleen would not let me keep any of my new facial trimmings and that afternoon I was forced to venture out into the town sans beard.  Since there was nothing interesting to do, Boss Woman and I decided to take the hotel shuttle to the local shopping centre where we undertook in numerous Thai cultural traditions such as going to "Dairy Queen" and "The Pizza Place".  Sadly, the shuttle would not be returning for another three hours which happened to be about two hours and 45 minutes too long.  I must quickly point out that most of the people in Chumphon were assholes and not particularly friendly.  Colleen insisted they were "creepy", but then again she calls me creepy for insisting that glory holes are a part of everyday modern bathroom culture.  We'll just say everyone happened to be in a grumpy mood that day.  With nothing to do but walk laps around the shitty mall and wait for our shuttle bus, we passed our time watching an obscenely fat Russian woman swat bugs off her tree trunks legs for an extended period of time.  Yup, it was that kind of day.  Naturally, the shuttle was over half an hour late picking us up because being on time in Thailand is just not acceptable behavior.



Kids, where sunscreen or this will happen!



Once we got back from the mall, we just spent the night chilling out at the hotel and counting down the minutes until our ferry out of there the next day.  Oh, and I went for a stroll along the dirtiest beach in the world.  Yup, I LOVE CHUMPHON!

~Brentski~

Day 58- When Returning A Damaged Vehicle, Always Make Sure Your "Getaway-Moped-With-A-Sidecar-Taxi" Is Laying In Wait

While I was rather enjoying the slow, laid-back, bug-infested life in Ban Krut, Colleen had seen enough.  So that morning we had our final breakfast at what appeared to be a now empty resort.  As expected, the breakfast meats were grossly undercooked and I took this as my cue to wrap the sausages and ham in a plastic bag for the local stray dogs.  Without missing a beat, I was quickly joined on my final beach stroll by my nature loving girlfriend a couple of the local stray dogs who were apparently not as adverse to eating raw pig-based products as I was.  After breakfast I went back to our room for one final round of spider bashing before it was time for the missy and I to head out.


"Well, since my girlfriend is afraid of the crabs, you'll do mutt"

With checkout time looming, Colleen and I were both afraid what might happen to our wallets, as we had to return our motorbike rental.  Some of you may recall that in the previous day's events we had an incident where Colleen wanted to learn how to drive and promptly laid out the bike on the ground with the throttle floored!  There were definitely some noticeable scratches on the bike and the one handlebar, was how shall I say this, "fucked up".  Being the geniuses that we are, when it was time to checkout we made sure to park the motorbike at the back of the (empty) parking lot.  Not suspicious at all if you ask me.  For some reason, the Motorized Vehicle Gods were smiling down on us that morning and the resort manager did not inspect the bike before we left.  He handed me back my passport which was being held as a deposit and I knew that he did not have any of my credit card details.  Believe me when I say we couldn't get in that cab to the train station fast enough!

Once free and clear of the resort, we caught a train further south down the coast to the coastal city of Chumphon.  The train was not surprisingly crappy, which is disturbing considering it was advertised as one of the better "high-class" trains.  Hmmm.  A couple hours later, without any real incidences we arrived at our destination where we would be spending a couple of days before making our way out to the much more famous island destinations of Koh Phangan, Koh Tao, and Koh Samui.  We weren't really sure that there was anything to do in Chumphon, but all Colleen knew was that we were staying in a "Western Hotel" (Novotel Chumphon) in a room with a Jacuzzi and what might quite possibly have been the world's largest bed.  Yup, the princess was getting her way.  No $5-a-night, urine stained, non-air conditioned, bug infested rooms for us. 

I'm sure, this place is only $5 a night.
 

Who am I kidding, this bed is fucking paradise!

Seeing as how there is absolutely nothing to do in Chumphon, we spent the night hanging out around the resort, eating at a nice restaurant, and watching our big screen cable/satellite TV.  Yup, roughing it, just as I had intended!

~Brentski~