(Originally published September 25, 2007)(Pictured: Bike frenzy in the French Concession!) ................................................................
Thursday morning we kind of managed to sleep in a bit, and by sleep in, I mean wake up at a normal time. Full of energy, we decided we were going to scour the French Concession area of the city (the city has distinctive European flare everywhere, as it was heavily colonized by various immigrant groups throughout the last couple of centuries before the folks of Shanghai told them to beat it!). There, we visited amongst other things, the Former Residence of Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, the Cathay Cinema, and Fuxing Park. After getting lost from each other in the park (Kiel passed out on a bench somewhere), we met up that afternoon to renew our ping-pong rivalry. It got overly heated, and at one point Drunko in all his wisdom threw a temper tantrum and smashed his paddle in half. Explaining to someone who doesn’t speak a word of your language that you broke their hotel property is highly awkward people. Once the evening was upon us, we decided to head over to this pub/bar, called Malone’s American Café or something to that effect. It was very popular with the foreign business people living in Shanghai. After a few pitchers of Tiger Beer and some good ole North American pub food we were both finely tuned. We spent the rest of the night (although my memory is a little hazy at this point) rocking out Moreau-style to this Chinese band that covered all English language pop/rock music. There is nothing better than people with heavy accents singing No Doubt, mark my words on that one!
Friday morning, and by morning I mean most of the day, we did jack shit. That night we had purchased tickets to check out a Women’s World Cup of Soccer/Football double header. I headed over to Hongzhou Stadium on my own around 4pm, as my 17 year-old brother is still not quite the drinker he thinks he is and takes massive amounts of time to recover. The first game featured Japan playing Argentina, with Japan eventually winning 1-0. I imagine this was the first and last sporting event I will ever attend that did not sell alcohol for consumption. Last I checked, 75% of the reason people go to concerts and sporting events was to get plastered and yell, sing, berate players, etc. So with no beer, I had to settle for a peanut butter and meat sandwich, stale popcorn, and lemonade. My brother finally made his way to the stadium for the start of the second game which featured the heavily-backed, and defending world champions, Germany playing a gritty English side. The game ended in 0-0 draw (side note: there were thousands of Germans there, as for some reason there are tons of them living in China). After the game, we went back to freshen up before heading out to this place called Club Bon Bon. It was similar to a traditional club, oh except for the fact that you paid about $17 Canadian and it was all you can drink mixed drinks and beer! Heaven on earth had been found. Toronto resident DJ Sneak was in town that night manning the decks, although Drunko and I spent most of the night in the hip-hop side room. Actually, Kiel spent the whole night on stage grinding it up with ridiculously hot Asian chicks…as he should! I told him though, next time don’t be giving me the thumbs up in the middle of it, as girls generally don’t find that amusing, even if they don’t speak your language. Ah, to be seventeen! Apparently we found our way back to our hotel via a cab, although I was in full on black out mode at this point. Apparently, once the cab dropped us off, I immediately jumped in another cab and told him to take me to the address I was currently sitting in front of. Some people’s behaviour never changes. Goulet.
Saturday the 15th of September involved some hardcore recovery. Neither of us got out of bed until after 3pm, and I finally managed to drag my ass to Pizza Hut. Sadly it was lined up outside the door and I made my way to the equally busy (although faster moving) McDonald’s. That afternoon I headed back to the French Concession to do some shopping and also picked up some street fruit (think street meat, but fruit!) before going back to the hotel to watch the cinematic classic, “You, Me, and Dupree”. That night, we ate at the hotel restaurant before going to the North Bund Midnight Bar which was located on the 26th /top floor of our hotel and featured vastly overpriced drinks.
Sunday was our last full day in Shanghai, and I still had a lot of crap to see. I headed out on my own for the day, and visited amongst other things People’s Square, the Shanghai Urban Planning Center (which featured a crazy scaled down model of the what they plan for the city to look like by 2020, right down to every little building), the Site of the First National Congress of the Communist Party, and the Xintiandi district which featured shikumen houses (last part is irrelevant unless you’re an architecture nerd!). That afternoon, I finally had my first big break in ping-pong, and was able to pull away from brother and relieve him of 200 RMB (about $30). I love beating teenage punks who think they’re the shit, especially when they whine like little bitches! After consuming some beers after our hard fought sporting event, we decided to check out an authentic Chinese karaoke bar. We found this place called Party World and well in short, it was fucked up. We walked in and stated that we wanted to do karaoke. They then escorted us to a private room equipped with a big screen TV and a karaoke machine. Most awkward situation ever! We had already paid for an hour so we just said “fuck it” and after we got our karaoke machine working (after about 50 tries, because hey, I can’t read Chinese characters) and our beers got delivered we rocked out in our private karaoke room. Sadly the English music was on the cheesy side (good chance we were singing along to Aqua, Backstreet Boys, Bon Jovi, Britney Spears, and Akon among others) but the super low budget Asian videos that accompanied the lyrics on screen were the most hilarious thing I had ever seen. After our bizarre karaoke experience we headed back to the hotel where my brother hit an all-time low. The whole trip, he had been convinced that the massage studio in our hotel was a “rub-and-tug” which I tried to tell him it wasn’t. So since it was our last night, he said he was going to find out, and boy did he get a rude awakening! I told him, that if it did turn out to be a rub and tug, I would fully fund his adventure down to the 4th floor. So half-an-hour after he leaves the hotel room he comes back with a distraught look on his face. I enquire as to how it was, and he states, “It wasn’t a rub and tug”. He then proceeds to tell me that they (by they I here on in mean men) made him take off all his clothes (watching him the whole time) and dried him off after his shower. Following this, they gave him a room with a sauna and a private pool or some shit like that. He said there were Asian dudes walking around buck naked everywhere and after he made it past the reception desk the only employees he ever saw were males! Hahahaha!!! So he got all clammy and told the girls at the reception desk that he was feeling ill. They gave him a partial refund and sadly, he made his way back to the hotel room to spoon with me!
Monday morning, we took a lethally dangerous cab ride back to the airport before trekking on back to the motherland.
Some final thoughts/quips on Shanghai, China coming from Super Tourist Brent Moreau…….
1)You will always, and I mean always be served Coke with your meals in a fast food restaurant and never be given any other options. Never was once.
2)Chinese drivers in China are as bad, if not worse than Chinese drivers in the Greater Toronto Area.
3)My brother set a new record for tipping the bathroom guy in a developing country, or any country for that matter, when he tipped the guy 100 RMB ($15) in his drunken stage-dancing glory at the club.
4)The Chinese people were for the most part, super nice and hospitable and I would recommend this trip to anyone who ever gets the chance. I never got the chance to leave Shanghai, but I will definitely be going back to the country in the near future (although most likely to Macau [Las Vegas of the Orient] to do some heavy gambling)
5)If you play arcade-style basketball, you will draw a massive crowd of specatators every time, who watch you as if you were Michael Jordan himself.
6)Thanks for reading, and stay classy.
