Don't Get Hypnotized, Or You'll Look Like An Ass - Las Vegas - March, 2009...Part 1/2

(Pictured: Me and the other two dudes, living large with our gold medals and clown noses.)

So, it’s been a while since my last travels, as I’ve been in trade school, and it will probably be a while until I get to travel again, as I am so broke it’s ridonculous! On that note, I decided to take another pilgrimage to my Mecca, Las Vegas! This time though (unlike the last couple times I went)it was more about good times and less about gambling my life away, as I would be joined my girlfriend Lou, my friend Mr. Clean, and my constantly drunk/why aren’t you guys getting drunk brother, Drunko.

Originally, Lou and I were scheduled to travel on stand-by out of Toronto on March 22, but due to the fact that all of the flights were full, we took the plunge and paid full price to fly out of Buffalo. On that note, I arose Sunday morning with a dastardly hangover (my birthday/a country bar/lots of shots/Garth Brooks/Russian cab driver) but was a man on a mission to get on that plane. We made it down to America’s armpit, errr Buffalo a bit early, so we grabbed some grub at the Anchor Bar (albeit not the original one, the one in the airport). For those of you who are not grease-connoisseurs like myself, they are the inventors of the buffalo chicken wings which kind of makes them a big deal. Due to sandstorms in the deserts surrounding Las Vegas, our flight was delayed for a couple hours. I found this to be the perfect opportunity to catch up on all my celebrity gossip thanks to the fine people at Star magazine. That Jennifer Aniston, what a bitch! Fast forward a few hours, and we arrived in Las Vegas about 9pm and cabbed it over to the classiest hotel of classy hotels, The Hooters Hotel and Casino. Believe me, for under $40 a night it was well worth it! Later that night we tried to get into the restaurant in our hotel, Dan Marino’s (yes, that Dan Marino), for some 25 cent chicken wings between the hours of 12am and 6am but the line-up was too long. So we did the next best thing and went to the 24 hour Wendy’s, bought some booze from the souvenir shop, and called it a night!

Monday morning, we had to move rooms as we had booked Sunday night on a different reservation than the rest of our nights. I`m sure that this probably did not make the wife happy, as she now had to go from having her own queen bed to sharing a bed with hairy legs (could be worse, could be excessive Sasquatch back hair). After that, we headed over to the legendary/very old/ghetto Tropicana for their Island Buffet. We spent most of the afternoon wandering the strip, and stopped in at the Planet Hollywood Casino (used to be Aladdin, got renamed/bought out, just like Hooters did with the San Remo) for some blackjack lessons for Miss LouLou from yours truly. After we made it back to Hooters, I played a little bit of 1-2 No-Limit Poker, which is the only poker game they spread there other than their daily tournaments. To call it a poker room would be a vast over statement. They have two tables tucked away in the corner. I lost a bit of coin but nothing to write home about. That night we had bought tickets to go and check out the show Dirty Hypnosis: Unleashed at Krave/Planet Hollywood. It was what it sounds like, a dirty hypnosis show. Lou was one of the unfortunate people who volunteered to get hypnotized for over an hour, and believe me it worked. Without getting too graphic, let’s just say some of the HILARIOUS stuff the guy had her do included smoking invisible weed, thinking her breasts were growing about 6 feet off her body, making her think she had a male appendage, and my personal favourite, where he gave everyone on stage a balloon and told them it was a sex toy and to describe it (let’s just say the words “fourteen” and “inches” came into her description. I’ll leave it at that. Awesome show though and highly recommend it. Fuck the Blue Man Group and Elton John. After the madame kind of snapped back into it, we went back to our hotel and met up with Mr. Clean who had just gotten in on his flight from Toronto that night. We did a little in room drinking, went and played some blackjack, and then decided to try Dan Marino’s again for the wings. We did get in for the wings, but let’s just say I’m pretty sure they were the reject wings that Hooters scraps during the day. Terrible.

That morning a mere 4 hours after I went to bed, I hear a loud knocking on my door at 7am, and low and behold it’s Captain Clean, all rip-roaring ready to go for the day. I told him to fuck off and not to bother me until after lunch. I ended up getting up a couple hours later, and went over to the Bellagio on my own to hopefully play some 15/30 Limit Poker. Unfortunately, my bank card was acting like a dick-head, and would not work, so I was forced again to play some 1-2 No-Limit. I took a small win, but again, nothing crazy. I promptly made it back to Hooters a bit after lunch time, and low and behold my brother Drunko had showed up from Toronto, just waiting for me to give him my extra ID (he’s 19, I’m 25. I can grow facial hair, he can’t). All four of us decided to head over to New York New York, and ride the roller coaster. We bought a family pass for $56. Yes, that’s right, for four of us to ride a roller coaster once it cost about $70 Canadian! When in Vegas. We followed that up with a solid session in the children’s arcade where we won cheesy gold medals and clown noses for all (Thanks Clean)! At 6:30pm we had tickets to see the live show “The Mentalist”. It was pretty cool, and was basically a mind reading-magic-illusion show. I can’t figure out how they do that shit for the life of me, but then again I guess that’s supposed to be the point. For more info, just google “Mentalist” or “Gerry McCambridge”. The guy had his own CBS special and stuff like that. Next up on my agenda for the young night was to play in the Hooters nightly poker tournament. Long story short, there ended up only being 9 players and it was winner take all. I made it to the final two with the chip lead (about 60% to 40%) and we decided to split the money as I was absolutely shittered (see: drunk on free beers) at this point. I took $300 the other dude took $200 and I promptly went over to the Hooters restaurant to meet up with Mr. Clean and Lou and drank some more. I’m sloppy, I know.

LET'S GET THE BALL ROLLING...

Since the beginning of time, there has been idiots on this great planet we call Earth. I’m sure that there were idiot dinosaurs, idiot cavemen, and well we all know about more modern day idiots such as Kevin Bacon, Zach from Saved By The Bell, and that dickless bastard Teddy Ruxpin. Well, folks you can add one more to the growing list: Brent Moreau. It is true that I have often been called a lot worse names, and on the flipside my mother has said nicer things about me, but the one word that I believe best sums me up is, well, IDIOT!

So, enter the birth of my new blog BigIdiotStick. While it may not exactly roll off the tongue, it was the best my meagre brain could drum up (oh and the fact that every blogpost.com address is already taken didn’t exactly help either).

Primarily, this blog will focus on two things:
1) Adventures and Misadventures that my friends and I have had over the years. There have been many, too many to list here. To say that some of them are comical would be a vast understatement. Most of my writing over the next little while will focus on these tales, as I attempt to get many of them onto paper.
2) Travel tales. I have spent the last couple of weeks putting all of my old travel notes into this blog for personal reasons. If you’re bored or curious, take a gander; if not, go cook a blue jay burger on your barbecue. I will update these as I travel, which for the immediate future will see a trip to Las Vegas, my move to Australia in November, and whatever happens in between.

Thanks for reading and as always, stay classy. ~BrEnTsKi~

NEXT BLOG: My “Taken Into Custody/F-ed Up By The Police” Trilogy.

Eurotrip '07 - June 28 - Amster......dammmmm I loved that place!...Part 10/10

(Originally published June 28, 2007)

(Pictured: Space cake. You know, the shit astronauts eat.)

Ok, first of all, this is the conclusion of my journalistic stylings....I have been back now in the Motherland for a week, but was too lazy to finish it, but now I am forcing myself to finish what I started. On that note, I am actaully shocked at how many people have been reading this. Thanks to everyone for the feedback, as it was much appreciated. Here we go.........

So Monday, June 18, I was like a little kid on Christmas morning. I woke Slim up bright and early and we made our way to Graceland, errrr Amsterdam! Upon our arrival, we went straight to our hostel, dropped our bags off and went directly across the street to the Blues Brothers Coffee Shop. Now for those of you who are uninclined, a coffee shop just sells snacks, non-alcoholic drinks, oh and pot and hash! After parousing the menu, we decided on some Bubblegum as well as some Cantaloupe flavoured bud. Needless to say, this is where the next few days started to get really really hazy. Later on in the day we made our way down to Barney's Coffee Shop, one of the more popular spots in the city, where we purchased some Space Cake (for those of you who wondering what this is, go watch Deuce Bigalo: European Gigalo) and then proceeded to go smoke copious amounts of dope back at the hostel and watch Comedy Central for like the next eighteen hours. It was sometime during this day and the next day that I overdosed on McDonald's Cheeseburgers. Let's just say eating cheeseburgers for every meal is ill-advised. Way worse then anything marijuana could ever do to you.

Tuesday, it was more of the same! That morning we met up with our homeslice, "Seattle" Abe. We hadn't seen him since Budapest, so we were ready to hit the town.....right after a little wake and bake. In our foggy state, the three of us made our way to the Heineken Brewery. We did the tour, drank some beers, signed some autographs, etc. Following that, SlimJim suggested we go to this place called the Grey Area, which cleans up on a consistent basis at the Cannabis Cup. So we purchased some more top-grade cush and then proceeded to get retarded. Between five of us at this one table we were passing around a vaporizer, a pipe, a bong, and a fat ass joint. It got sloppy in a hurry. That night, Abe took us on a walking tour of the Red Light District, where we oogled at the hookers and giggled (I swear it had nothing to do with the drugs) at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.

The next day, I actually managed to sober up for a few hours! Shocking, isn't it? Anyways, that morning we went on a guided walking tour of Amsterdam and then we boogied on over to visit the Anne Frank House. I was a big fan of the Anne Frank House, having read her diaries a few years ago and absolutely loving them. Girl was one helluva writer! That night, we met up with some other old pals (Gene and Glen from Toronto), who we hadn't seen since Seville about seven weeks earlier. The four of us went out for some beers and tokes and then made our way back to the Red Light District. It was time for the Live Sex Show. We finally decided to go this one show which was charging about $30, and you got to see a three act show, but you could watch repeats as much as you wanted. Without getting too graphic, the three acts were as follows: Act 1) Basically just your run of the mill stripper routine. Act 2) Naked chick plays around with her glass toy. Act 3) This is where the live sex came in! After the three acts, a large screen came down for twenty minutes between shows, and they played some hardcore anal porn. Classy. I'm not gonna lie, it's kind of weird watching anal porn on a 200-inch projection screen when you've got a group of middle-aged women sitting in front of you. Meh! Long story short, we watched the whole show two-and-a-half times and most definately got our money's worth!

Thursday during the day was pretty uneventful. That day, I just walked around the city on my own, basically doing nothing, except making an appointment for my tattoo the next day. Later in the afternoon, I met up with SuperSlim who had been smoking and watching the Discovery Channel all day. Who says stoners aren't productive? Naturally, I felt the need to join in before taking my act to the Holland Casino (bad idea!). I arrived too late to register for the poker tournament I wanted to play in, so I decided to saddle up and play in their "big" cash game. I got cleaned for about $400 in around an hour and promptly decided to leave. Don't gamble under the influence, it rarely works out kids. On that note, I went back to the hostel and smoked away my pain!

Friday, I was not allowed to smoke anything, since I had a tattoo appointment, and was under strict orders not to consume any drugs or alcohol. That morning, Slim and I decided to do some souvenir shopping before I dropped him off at the hostel with some of our smoking buddies and I made my way over to the "House of Tattoos". After a long-ass delay, I finally got in the chair, had my artwork installed and made my way back to the hostel. Not surprisingly, I returned to find Slim looking a little tired and hungry. It was definately time to go to Brussells, Belgium, for I feared he was near death! Haha. That night we took a train to Brussells, and just chilled in our hostel bar. We successfully survived Amsterdam! Fuck you player haters!

The next morning, we met up with some Australian girl, whose friends were dead (or something to that effect) so she joined Slim and I on our journey to this cartoon museum. Fact: The Smurfs and Tintin are both Belgian creations. I almost teared up getting all nostalgic about my childhood in the museum. Slim and I then went to visit the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, which is a famous monument in the city. That evening, we met a couple of cool German dudes who were staying in our room. The four of us went out and proceeded to drink at a bar (I hear that's what people do at bars), but not before we accidentally stumbled through the intensely gay bar district. I was only the victim of six reach-arounds. Hey, it happens.

Sunday morning we were on the move again, this time to Brugge, Belgium. Our first day there, we did absolutely nothing. I think the highlight of our day was ordering some french fries with this "special" sauce which kind of excited us. Later on, we just sat around the hostel bar and played cards with some peeps we had just met from the west coast (Kory, Vanessa, and Jessica). During all of the card playing, happy hour ensued, I got trashed, I went to bed. The end.

The 25th of June was the beginning of our last week in Europe. We decided there was not much we wanted to see in Brugge, so we took a daytrip to Ypres, home to some of the most famed battles during World War I. Flanders' Fields lies just outside of the city, as do many famous battlefields. Sadly, we arrived too late in the day and were restrcited to the city limits. So on that note, we visited the 'In Flanders Fields Museum', the Menin Gate (dedicated to the over 100,000 British soldiers who lost their lives fighting in the area but were never found), and Ramparts Cemetary. If this trip has helped me with one thing, it is definately my WWI and WWII knowledge. The history is everywhere, and it is simply amazing. After that, it was more of the same, in the form of playing cards with the peeps and a well-timed Happy Hour.

Tuesday was basically a write-off, as our only plan was to make our way back to London that night. The highlight of the day was the delicious Pizza Hut buffet. Fuck I love the Hut. Repeat. Fuck I love the Hut. After eating twenty slice between us, the travel started......

A) Bus to train station (15 minutes)

B) train to Brussels (1 hour)

C) bus to airport (1 hour)

D) flight to London (1 hour)

E) bus from airport to the inner-city (1 hour)

F) subway to Jon's sister's pad (1 hour).

By the time it was all said and done, including waiting time in between, it was a solid nine hour journey. Riveting.

The next day was our last day before going home, so we figured we should make it count. We woke up bright and early and made our way to the other side of London (no small feat) and got our asses over to Wimbledon to take in the world's most prestigious tennis tournament. After waiting in line for a couple of hours for tickets, we finally got in and were treated to a bit of world class tennis before the rain finally started to come down (anyone who has been following the tournament this year knows that this is a daily occurence). We watched women's singles matches between D. Safina vs K. Bondarenko and M. Hingis vs A. Nakamura, and finally a doubles match featuring Canada's Daniel Nestor, although this last match got rained out during the first set. After the matches, we had a dinner date with my cousin Melissa and her husband Rich. She has been living in the U.K. for over five years now, during which time I have never seen her. It's been too long, but it was good to see her, and her husband was a super nice guy. After that, it was back to pack for the next day's flights back to Canada.

Well, by Thursday, it was all over but the crying. We said our goodbyes and made our way across London yet again for one final time. A few hours later, we were back in Toronto. But there was one slight problem. My luggage never showed up! After filling out some forms and what not, I was told my luggage would come in the next day, which shockingly it actually did! A chaotic finish to a crazy trip. $10,000 later, and I can honestly say it was worth every penny, as it is an experience I will not soon forget (provided I avoid Amsterdam in the foreseeable future!).

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE WHO HAS GIVEN ME FEEDBACK ABOUT THE TRIP. I LOVE TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY. ON THAT NOTE, I WILL START TO KEEP JOURNALS OF FUTURE TRAVELS. LATER THIS YEAR LOOK FOR TRIP REPORTS FROM NEW YORK CITY (JULY), LAS VEGAS (AUGUST), AND CHINA (EITHER SEPTEMBER OR OCTOBER). THEY WILL BE MUCH, MUCH SHORTER JAUNTS, BUT I SHALL TRY AND KEEP THEM ENTERTAINING FOR ALL.

~BRENTSKI~