Last Monday, was a day I was equally anxious and giddy about, but also dreading to a certain extent. It was the beginning of what would be the most intense drive of my life. The plan was to drive from Adelaide in the southeast of Australia all the way to Perth on the west coast. Our campervan had to be in Perth by Thursday afternoon, so this left me with about 75 hours to cover just less than 3000 kilometres. In the summer months, this would be no problem as you have tons of daylight to aide your driving. In the winter (which it is in the southern hemisphere right now), daylight is limited to the hours of 7:30am to 5:00pm. Most rental companies in Australia will not let you drive your vehicle at night if you are west of Adelaide, as the animals (see: kangaroos, camels, wombats, emus) tend to come out at night and tend to wander onto the roads. Since Leeanna does not know how to drive a manual vehicle, this left me on my own to do the driving, and I felt like a fat-out-of-shape marathon runner preparing for something I had no chance at completing. That morning, we set out bright and early with our eyes firmly glued to the road in hopes of seeing tons of wildlife (and maybe some spear-wielding Aboriginals) on our adventure. Our destination was the town of Ceduna, which with a population of around 2000 people, is the last “major” town before you cross the Nullarbor Plain on your way to Perth. Anyways, we covered the 800 kilometres with no problems and astoundingly I only had to pull over and nap once the entire way. We set up shop in the caravan park for the night, although I was disappointed that all day we saw no signs of wildlife, except for a ton of road kill, mainly consisting of kangaroos and small rodents.
Tuesday morning we were back on the road nice and early again. Today we officially headed out into one of the most barren places on Earth. After you leave Ceduna, there are no towns for well over a day and a half, and the only thing resembling a population is the roadhouse “towns” which are generally every couple hundred kilometres. They usually have a population hovering around five people and usually consist of a gas station, restaurant/bar, motel, and caravan park. The other thing you quickly notice is how much fuel costs. Generally in the major cities right now fuel is about $1.25 per litre. In the outback, I paid as much as $1.80 per litre, which quickly adds up when your van uses 15 litres per 100 kilometres. During the day, we stopped off at the Head of Bight, which is famous for its large population of Southern Right Whales that breed there in the winter time. Unfortunately, the whales had not fully arrived from Antarctica, and there were only a couple that were really far off-shore. Instead of paying to see one whale that was really far away, we just drove about 100 kilometres down the road and took some gorgeous photographs from a free viewing point. We also finally saw some animals that were alive today, in the form of two dingoes (wild dogs). Other than that it was just lots of crows and lots of dead kangaroos that the crows were feasting on! That night, after driving about 900 kilometres, we settled on staying in the town of Caiguna, which was an experience in itself. It was just a truck stop out in the middle of nowhere with a gravel parking lot in the back that they called a caravan park. The bathroom doors had signs warning to keep them shut at all times as snakes were likely to try and get in. Oh, and it said all snakes in the area were poisonous, which made me sleep that much better at night!
The next morning, we couldn’t get out of Caiguna fast enough. Unfortunately for us, the previous day our fridge had conked out and we had to throw out lots of food. Who likes peanut butter and nutella sandwiches for three meals a day!? It’s bad enough that Leeanna and I are both terrible cooks, but without a fridge, we are really pressed to get creative with our cooking, or lack thereof. We drove across the Nullarbor (including one stretch of straight road that was 160 kilometres without a single bend) with little dramas, outside of almost being blown across the road a couple of times by the strong desert winds and me getting nervous every time a road train (see: extra large semi-trailer, usually a dual or triple) would be approaching me in the oncoming lane. I kept having this reoccurring thought that I would get swept in front of one, but luckily this never happened. We pretty much drove straight the whole day, only really stopping in the town of Coolgardie, which used to be a big gold mining town in the 1800s, but was now merely a shell of itself. It was very cool though with its wide main street and old buildings. I love those kinds of towns, like only a history nerd could. After another solid day of covering between 800 and 900 kilometres, we finally settled in the town of Merredin and were only about 260 kilometres outside of Perth.
Thursday morning we drove the last three hours into Perth and could now successfully say we had completed one of the most gruelling drives ever! We dropped our campervan off in the north end of the city and with the help of a kind bus driver navigated our way down to the ocean side suburb of Mandurah that was located about a 50 minute train ride south of the city. This was home to my mom’s long lost friend Zale and her partner Trevor. After being picked up by Trevor at one of the local pubs (always a good meeting point), we made our way back their unit. What awaited us was definitely a unique living experience. Turns out, much of Mandurah’s residences are built around a canal-like system of man-made waterways that empty out into the ocean. Very much like Venice, but instead of old crappy buildings, smelly water, and people everywhere it was the complete opposite. Trevor and Zale had a beautiful three bedroom corner lot that has views of the canals from every room (except the shitter) and lends its self beautifully to activities such as fishing, crabbing, boating, and dolphin spotting. Rough life, yes I know.
Friday morning, Leeanna and I were left on our own as Zale and Trevor both have full-time jobs. Just saying the words “full-time job” is now an effort for me. Anyways the girlfriend and I were left to explore the town and its surrounds. So we hiked it into town and took in all the sights that coastal living affords people. I tried eating tuna today for the first time in my life, and just like with the salmon a few months ago I miraculously survived! That night we took it easy and just stayed in and drank and ate pizza. Definitely two of my favourite hobbies, hands down.
Since Zale and Trevor are both boating enthusiasts, we were naturally going to be spending some time on the boat once the weekend rolled around. Turns out, Trevor owns both a sailboat and powerboat, but it is not currently sailing season, so that left us with the ladder. After driving over to Trevor’s other house in Mandurah (currently under renovation) to pick up the boat, we headed over to the sailing club to get it in the water and then get out to participate in activity known as time-trialing. Basically, it is all about trying to match pre-determined times around a set course and whoever loses the least amount of seconds over the course is declared the winner. During the day on the water, we managed to see a few dolphins which inhabit the area as well as a plethora of multi-million dollar mansions that keep me asking myself where I went wrong in life. I also managed to sneak in a nap in the middle of the 45 minute time trial, as let’s be real I can nap anywhere. All in all, it was a great day out on the water. The boating was followed up by an awards ceremony at the sailing club, which featured us finding out that we won first place out of the fifteen or so boats in the time trials. I like to think that it was mine and Leeanna’s dead weight that made all the difference. More importantly, it also featured alcohol and some tasty food. Unfortunately, a seven-year old child/hellion known as Isabella discovered Leeanna and I and proceeded to harass us for a good amount of time. I was told my nose looked like a pooh-pooh nose, whatever that means. After the sailing club, we ventured over to one of Zale and Trev’s friend’s houseboats for some more beverages before scooping up some Chinese food on the way home. Nothing says convenience like being able to pick-up your Chinese food by boat!
Sunday was scheduled to be another day of boating, which was just fine by me. We boarded the boat a little before lunchtime and made our way down the estuary to a restaurant known as the Ravenswood Hotel. The place was about an hour-and-a-half boat ride from the house, and when we got there, there were swarms of boats, cars, and people. The place was obviously very well-known in the area and I can attest that their burgers were top-notch. After spending a few hours there with some of Trev and Zale’s friends, we made our way back to the house for a nice relaxing evening of television, drinks, and nachos.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010- What Do You Do If The Car Catches Fire?
After leaving the comfort and good cooking of Peter and Vanda’s place, it was time for Leeanna and I to hit the road. We had arranged to pick up our 2-man campervan on the outskirts of Melbourne and to use the next three nights to drive from Melbourne to Adelaide along the Great Ocean Road. For those not in the know, the Great Ocean Road is a stretch of highway along the southern coast of Australia that is considered one of the most beautiful driving routes in the world. This inevitably attracts large amounts of tourists who can’t drive (like me) and therefore requires signs every few kilometres reminding people what side of the road to drive on. Anyways, our trip got off to a fantastic start when I couldn’t figure out how to even get out of the industrial area where we rented the camper from. Right after that, I got even more stressed when I couldn’t find the highway, and it was safe to say within half-an-hour of leaving the rental place, Leeanna and I were both uber-stressed. Once we hit the highway though, it was smooth sailing. The first day of travelling we took in the coastal towns of Torquay, famous for Bells Beach and its subsequent surfing competition and the town of Angelsea. As far as I can tell, Angelsea is only worth mentioning because they have kangaroos that inhabit the fairways of the golf course. A bizarre sight to say the least, but then again I’ve seen weirder. Our first of what I’m sure will be many nights in caravan parks was spent in another one of the coastal towns, Lorne. By the time we set-up shop it was getting dark (we are in winter in Australia right now so darkness sets in by 5:30pm most nights), so we just cooked, ate, had some cheap cask wine and went to bed.
The next day, we were promptly slowed down by a lengthy construction delay which had traffic at a standstill. Definitely something you look for when driving along one of the country’s major tourist routes. That day, we stopped a at rainforest walk called Mait’s Rest, although I did the walk on my own as boss woman Leeanna is still very skeptical when it comes to me and my nature walks. Guess I can’t really blame her, as I have led her astray on a few occasions. The highlight of the day was supposed to be when we saw the world-famous Twelve Apostles (big stone things rising out of the ocean), but I would have to say the best part of the day was when I almost made the campervan blow-up. After pulling over to quickly stretch my legs, I attempted to start the car up, but unbeknownst to me I was doing it in third gear. Needless to say the engine started smoking heavily, the entire van filled up with smoke, and I nearly shit myself thinking I may have just burnt out our clutch in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, the van did start back up and I was able to get us back on the road, although with a slightly faster heartbeat. Night two was spent in one of the many caravan parks in the town of Warrnambool, which was effectively where the Great Ocean Road ended.
Our third day consisted of us covering as much of the driving between Warrnambool and Adelaide as we could, in hopes of a short final day of driving on Friday. We ended up covering a good amount of distance, with very little to report in the drama area. We stopped in some town that had a gigantic sink hole in the middle of it to snap some pictures and at a couple places along the ocean that seemed to be photogenic. We eventually reached our destination, Meningie. Word on the street is that Meningie is a great place if you love bird watching. Closest thing I enjoy to bird watching is viewing a chicken on a rotisserie, so you can fill in the rest of the details.
Friday morning we had a nice short drive into Adelaide (couple hundred kilometers). After dropping off our campervan that was miraculously still in one piece, we booked it over to our hotel, which was quite exciting to Leeanna as it featured “proper” beds and wouldn’t require her to use shared bathrooms and sleep in temperatures that were hovering between 5 and 10°C at night. Who says campervans aren’t fun? That night, I was in dire need of a haircut so I found some place called “Price Attack” that the guy working at the hotel had recommended to me. To sum it up, it was the worst haircut of my life, hands down. The piggish looking hairdresser, or beast with scissors as I like to call her, spent eight minutes (no joke!) cutting my hair and then charged me $30. To say she did a bad job would be doing her justice. I had to go back to the hotel and attempt to fix my haircut with my Mach 3 razor and a pair of scissors. I also enticed Leeanna into trying to fix my hair with me, but some things were beyond repair, such as my now missing sideburns and uneven buzz cut on the sides of my head. I really wish I wasn’t such a little bitch and had spoken up and told the hairdresser what I thought of her lack of scissor skills. Instead, I spent the rest of the night whining about my hair and overdosing on Italian food at some joint called Fasta Pasta. We spent the rest of the night watching cable TV, as this was a rare commodity for us since we had arrived in Australia.
Saturday morning we decided to hit up some of the tourist attractions in Adelaide, which seemed to be in short supply. First things first though, I had to pick up another campervan that Leeanna and I would be driving to Perth starting on Monday. Adelaide is definitely a city that is more known for its regions around the city, than for the actual city itself. There are vast wine regions and other quaint towns around the city. Even though we now had a vehicle, we elected to take it easy and stay in town as we had just done a lot of driving and were going to be doing a lot more. On that note, we checked out the Australian Wine Centre, the Botanic Gardens, the Art Gallery of South Australia, and the South Australian Museum. Pretty run of the mill stuff, but I will say the one good thing about most of Adelaide’s major attractions is that they are free! For dinner that night we did what we always do: go to a pub, eat a cheeseburger and wash it down with a beer. In related news I’m going to be featured on the next season of “The Biggest Loser”. Following dinner, we headed over to an Irish pub where they had a cover band that seemed to be quite fond of Melissa Etheridge songs. Yes, I can ashamedly admit I enjoyed it, although I don’t think I’m going to be purchasing any Melissa and k.d. CDs anytime soon. Also, I would like to thank the bar staff for forgetting to charge me for the pint of beer and margarita (unfortunately, I still spent $60 at the bar). Things like that always make my night that much better!
The next day was pretty typical weather-wise of what it seems to be like lately no matter where we go in Australia. Cold, rainy, and windy, aren’t things most foreigners associate with Australia, but believe me they are a fact of life in many parts of the country come winter time. That morning Leeanna and I did some shopping to prepare for our road trip that would to be commencing bright and early the next morning. Hands down my star purchases were Oprah’s biography written by Kity Kelley and a CD featuring a band called Jimmy and the Parrots that was essentially a Jimmy Buffet cover band. For $4 you can’t really complain though, no matter how bad it sounds. That afternoon I killed time just walking around the city taking pictures. For dinner that evening, we decided that we wanted Subway. So we went a driving quest that took us 45 minutes and visits to three different Subways before we found one that was open. I’m gambling that Australia has the highest Subway to person ratio in the world. Never have I savoured a submarine sandwich like the one I ate that evening. God, I love a good sub.
The next day, we were promptly slowed down by a lengthy construction delay which had traffic at a standstill. Definitely something you look for when driving along one of the country’s major tourist routes. That day, we stopped a at rainforest walk called Mait’s Rest, although I did the walk on my own as boss woman Leeanna is still very skeptical when it comes to me and my nature walks. Guess I can’t really blame her, as I have led her astray on a few occasions. The highlight of the day was supposed to be when we saw the world-famous Twelve Apostles (big stone things rising out of the ocean), but I would have to say the best part of the day was when I almost made the campervan blow-up. After pulling over to quickly stretch my legs, I attempted to start the car up, but unbeknownst to me I was doing it in third gear. Needless to say the engine started smoking heavily, the entire van filled up with smoke, and I nearly shit myself thinking I may have just burnt out our clutch in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, the van did start back up and I was able to get us back on the road, although with a slightly faster heartbeat. Night two was spent in one of the many caravan parks in the town of Warrnambool, which was effectively where the Great Ocean Road ended.
Our third day consisted of us covering as much of the driving between Warrnambool and Adelaide as we could, in hopes of a short final day of driving on Friday. We ended up covering a good amount of distance, with very little to report in the drama area. We stopped in some town that had a gigantic sink hole in the middle of it to snap some pictures and at a couple places along the ocean that seemed to be photogenic. We eventually reached our destination, Meningie. Word on the street is that Meningie is a great place if you love bird watching. Closest thing I enjoy to bird watching is viewing a chicken on a rotisserie, so you can fill in the rest of the details.
Friday morning we had a nice short drive into Adelaide (couple hundred kilometers). After dropping off our campervan that was miraculously still in one piece, we booked it over to our hotel, which was quite exciting to Leeanna as it featured “proper” beds and wouldn’t require her to use shared bathrooms and sleep in temperatures that were hovering between 5 and 10°C at night. Who says campervans aren’t fun? That night, I was in dire need of a haircut so I found some place called “Price Attack” that the guy working at the hotel had recommended to me. To sum it up, it was the worst haircut of my life, hands down. The piggish looking hairdresser, or beast with scissors as I like to call her, spent eight minutes (no joke!) cutting my hair and then charged me $30. To say she did a bad job would be doing her justice. I had to go back to the hotel and attempt to fix my haircut with my Mach 3 razor and a pair of scissors. I also enticed Leeanna into trying to fix my hair with me, but some things were beyond repair, such as my now missing sideburns and uneven buzz cut on the sides of my head. I really wish I wasn’t such a little bitch and had spoken up and told the hairdresser what I thought of her lack of scissor skills. Instead, I spent the rest of the night whining about my hair and overdosing on Italian food at some joint called Fasta Pasta. We spent the rest of the night watching cable TV, as this was a rare commodity for us since we had arrived in Australia.
Saturday morning we decided to hit up some of the tourist attractions in Adelaide, which seemed to be in short supply. First things first though, I had to pick up another campervan that Leeanna and I would be driving to Perth starting on Monday. Adelaide is definitely a city that is more known for its regions around the city, than for the actual city itself. There are vast wine regions and other quaint towns around the city. Even though we now had a vehicle, we elected to take it easy and stay in town as we had just done a lot of driving and were going to be doing a lot more. On that note, we checked out the Australian Wine Centre, the Botanic Gardens, the Art Gallery of South Australia, and the South Australian Museum. Pretty run of the mill stuff, but I will say the one good thing about most of Adelaide’s major attractions is that they are free! For dinner that night we did what we always do: go to a pub, eat a cheeseburger and wash it down with a beer. In related news I’m going to be featured on the next season of “The Biggest Loser”. Following dinner, we headed over to an Irish pub where they had a cover band that seemed to be quite fond of Melissa Etheridge songs. Yes, I can ashamedly admit I enjoyed it, although I don’t think I’m going to be purchasing any Melissa and k.d. CDs anytime soon. Also, I would like to thank the bar staff for forgetting to charge me for the pint of beer and margarita (unfortunately, I still spent $60 at the bar). Things like that always make my night that much better!
The next day was pretty typical weather-wise of what it seems to be like lately no matter where we go in Australia. Cold, rainy, and windy, aren’t things most foreigners associate with Australia, but believe me they are a fact of life in many parts of the country come winter time. That morning Leeanna and I did some shopping to prepare for our road trip that would to be commencing bright and early the next morning. Hands down my star purchases were Oprah’s biography written by Kity Kelley and a CD featuring a band called Jimmy and the Parrots that was essentially a Jimmy Buffet cover band. For $4 you can’t really complain though, no matter how bad it sounds. That afternoon I killed time just walking around the city taking pictures. For dinner that evening, we decided that we wanted Subway. So we went a driving quest that took us 45 minutes and visits to three different Subways before we found one that was open. I’m gambling that Australia has the highest Subway to person ratio in the world. Never have I savoured a submarine sandwich like the one I ate that evening. God, I love a good sub.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010- Brent and Leeanna On a Horse Farm. Enough Said
Our last day in Melbourne saw both of us working at our jobs, as we are both poor and need money to travel, so we had to work right up until the end. My last shift at the Medici was pretty unspectacular and mostly consisted of me slacking off and counting down the minutes until my retirement. I even managed to get in trouble a few times for being a chatty Kathy! Anyways, a few of us at work, including the boss, had planned to have some drinks at The Lounge Hotel which was conveniently located next door to the restaurant and had the same owners. This quite obviously led to mucho free drinks, although in keeping my promise to my girlfriend, I did not get “retarded” drunk. After closing down the Lounge Hotel, myself, Kurk, and Kristen decided to hit up the Crown Casino for some more drinks and to find our friend Nick. We never did find Nick, but I did manage to find the bar and place one last bet on the roulette table. Ironically I won that bet, something that seemed to elude me the entire time I was in Melbourne. Oh, the cruel irony.
Saturday was official move out day, which naturally for me meant time to sleep in and see how fast I can pack up my bags and rush to the train station. After not-so carefully packing up our knapsacks and throwing out lots of stuff that we could not take on the road with us (we are backpackers after all!), Leeanna and I boarded a train to the super-happening town of Seymour located about an hour’s ride north of Melbourne in rural Victoria. Totally irrelevant to the story but I managed to spot two mobs of kangaroos from the train window. Woot woot! Quite obviously, this trip had a purpose, and that was to catch-up with my parent’s long lost friend Vanda and her partner Peter. My parents/roommates, Dawn and Brian, had met Vanda and her sister Zale about twenty-five years ago when they were travelling Europe and had become fast friends. This friendship inevitably led to my parents visiting Australia and Vanda and Zale both visiting Canada on separate occasions. Although everyone lost touch over the years, thanks to the magical world of Facebook all were able to reconnect and what do you know next thing Leeanna and I are meeting Vanda at a train station and mooching accommodations off of her! I was hoping Vanda would be holding a sign saying Mr. Moreau, like the limo drivers at the airport, but I guess that was just wishful thinking. After picking us up, our new hosts took Leeanna and I out for a bite to eat at a quaint little country store and restaurant before taking us back to their horse farm, which to put it bluntly was in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere! There was nothing but horses and cows as far as the eye could see. In addition to about twenty horses, they also had three cats, two dogs, a cockatoo with a broken wing, and wide assortment of turkeys, chickens and roosters. This place was hands down the most country thing I had seen this side of a Toby Keith concert. Leeanna and I were introduced to the horses before being treated to a delicious dinner featuring a lamb roast. This was promptly followed by Vanda, Peter, and myself polishing off six bottles of wine (Leeanna wasn’t in much of a drinkin’ mood) and probably talking about nothing relevant at all.
Sunday morning, Leeanna and I were woken up at 4am by the rooster. Apparently Vanda and Peter can’t hear the thing, but it is super fuckin’ annoying and went on for over two hours. The worst part was that the rooster didn’t even sound like the rooster in the movies, but more like a dying swan (or what I imagine a dying swan to sound like). When we finally did get up and about, Vanda took us to a proper country bar/restaurant that was about an hour away from their homestead. We quickly learned that their house was close to nothing, with the exception of other farms and livestock. We had a nice lunch at the foothills of Mount Buller, surrounded by pictures from some Kurk Douglas movie that made the area famous (something about Snowy Mountain). The restaurant also featured a fair bit of Ned Kelly memorabilia (think Australian Jesse James, and not the Sandra Bullock one!), as he was from the area and his gang had robbed banks nearby. That night everyone but Leeanna packed it in early, me because I tire easily, and Vanda and Peter because they had to get up at like 4am to take their horses to the track in Seymour for training.\
Sunday night we slept a lot better as we were able to obtain a fan that we set-up near our heads to drown out the sound of the rooster that I was convinced we should just shoot and use as snake bait. That morning, Peter showed me my first proper venomous Australian creature in the form of a red-back spider. It was pretty uneventful, as the spider was about the size of a dime and met a swift death at the hands of Peter’s pocket knife. Apparently, their property is rife with a wide assortment of creatures including various poisonous spiders, brown snakes (highly venomous), kangaroos, wombats, and even koalas. While we were regaled by our hosts with their stories of snake encounters, dodging kangaroos on the road, and koalas walking around their front porch, Leeanna and I were unable to find any of these critters and instead had to entertain ourselves with the horses. Must have been the cold weather, or the fact that the animals don’t like foreigners, I’m still not sure which one it is. Also that morning, Leeanna and I took the ATV (4-wheeler) for a boot around some of the horse stables, during which time Leeanna was convinced the horses were going to try and attack and us and rip us to shreds. Not surprisingly, this never happened and we lived long enough to go out to lunch and to do some shopping with Vanda and Peter in the booming metropolis of Euroa. It was another hick town that was made famous by Ned Kelly, but had a ton of charm and the most ridiculous dilapidated hotel-bar that we went into for kicks after lunch. I happened to run into the owner, who happened to be about 196 years old and told me she was going to get the bar all fixed up nice. I’m pretty sure she’s been telling customers this since the 1920s. When I told her I was from Canada, she replied, “let me guess, ‘Sleepless in Seattle’”! I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Seattle was in fact an American city and that I hate Meg Ryan movies. God bless her soul that lady. After returning to the farm that night, we had some delicious chicken kiev which we promptly followed up with some heavy drinking and chatting yet again. This would have been a good idea, if not for the fact that Vanda and Peter were supposed to get up at like 4am to get the horses ready for the six-time weekly trip to the track!
Naturally, everyone slept in the next morning, as multiple bottles of wine followed by little sleep will tend to have this effect on people. The girlfriend and I were scheduled to pick-up our campervan in Melbourne later that morning, so we hitched a ride into Seymour with Vanda and Peter. After what I’m sure was a torturous drive to the track for Vanda (see head pains), we were treated to some behind the scenes workings of thoroughbred racing. We watched a few of the horses go through various training runs and defecate frequently before being whisked off to the train station and saying our goodbyes. It was sad to say goodbye, especially when we had been treated and got on so well, but as they say in Bollywood the show must go on!
Next up…the road trip from one side of Australia to the other, or as Leeanna calls it “FUCK MY LIFE!”. (Her life, not mine, I love this shit!).
Saturday was official move out day, which naturally for me meant time to sleep in and see how fast I can pack up my bags and rush to the train station. After not-so carefully packing up our knapsacks and throwing out lots of stuff that we could not take on the road with us (we are backpackers after all!), Leeanna and I boarded a train to the super-happening town of Seymour located about an hour’s ride north of Melbourne in rural Victoria. Totally irrelevant to the story but I managed to spot two mobs of kangaroos from the train window. Woot woot! Quite obviously, this trip had a purpose, and that was to catch-up with my parent’s long lost friend Vanda and her partner Peter. My parents/roommates, Dawn and Brian, had met Vanda and her sister Zale about twenty-five years ago when they were travelling Europe and had become fast friends. This friendship inevitably led to my parents visiting Australia and Vanda and Zale both visiting Canada on separate occasions. Although everyone lost touch over the years, thanks to the magical world of Facebook all were able to reconnect and what do you know next thing Leeanna and I are meeting Vanda at a train station and mooching accommodations off of her! I was hoping Vanda would be holding a sign saying Mr. Moreau, like the limo drivers at the airport, but I guess that was just wishful thinking. After picking us up, our new hosts took Leeanna and I out for a bite to eat at a quaint little country store and restaurant before taking us back to their horse farm, which to put it bluntly was in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere! There was nothing but horses and cows as far as the eye could see. In addition to about twenty horses, they also had three cats, two dogs, a cockatoo with a broken wing, and wide assortment of turkeys, chickens and roosters. This place was hands down the most country thing I had seen this side of a Toby Keith concert. Leeanna and I were introduced to the horses before being treated to a delicious dinner featuring a lamb roast. This was promptly followed by Vanda, Peter, and myself polishing off six bottles of wine (Leeanna wasn’t in much of a drinkin’ mood) and probably talking about nothing relevant at all.
Sunday morning, Leeanna and I were woken up at 4am by the rooster. Apparently Vanda and Peter can’t hear the thing, but it is super fuckin’ annoying and went on for over two hours. The worst part was that the rooster didn’t even sound like the rooster in the movies, but more like a dying swan (or what I imagine a dying swan to sound like). When we finally did get up and about, Vanda took us to a proper country bar/restaurant that was about an hour away from their homestead. We quickly learned that their house was close to nothing, with the exception of other farms and livestock. We had a nice lunch at the foothills of Mount Buller, surrounded by pictures from some Kurk Douglas movie that made the area famous (something about Snowy Mountain). The restaurant also featured a fair bit of Ned Kelly memorabilia (think Australian Jesse James, and not the Sandra Bullock one!), as he was from the area and his gang had robbed banks nearby. That night everyone but Leeanna packed it in early, me because I tire easily, and Vanda and Peter because they had to get up at like 4am to take their horses to the track in Seymour for training.\
Sunday night we slept a lot better as we were able to obtain a fan that we set-up near our heads to drown out the sound of the rooster that I was convinced we should just shoot and use as snake bait. That morning, Peter showed me my first proper venomous Australian creature in the form of a red-back spider. It was pretty uneventful, as the spider was about the size of a dime and met a swift death at the hands of Peter’s pocket knife. Apparently, their property is rife with a wide assortment of creatures including various poisonous spiders, brown snakes (highly venomous), kangaroos, wombats, and even koalas. While we were regaled by our hosts with their stories of snake encounters, dodging kangaroos on the road, and koalas walking around their front porch, Leeanna and I were unable to find any of these critters and instead had to entertain ourselves with the horses. Must have been the cold weather, or the fact that the animals don’t like foreigners, I’m still not sure which one it is. Also that morning, Leeanna and I took the ATV (4-wheeler) for a boot around some of the horse stables, during which time Leeanna was convinced the horses were going to try and attack and us and rip us to shreds. Not surprisingly, this never happened and we lived long enough to go out to lunch and to do some shopping with Vanda and Peter in the booming metropolis of Euroa. It was another hick town that was made famous by Ned Kelly, but had a ton of charm and the most ridiculous dilapidated hotel-bar that we went into for kicks after lunch. I happened to run into the owner, who happened to be about 196 years old and told me she was going to get the bar all fixed up nice. I’m pretty sure she’s been telling customers this since the 1920s. When I told her I was from Canada, she replied, “let me guess, ‘Sleepless in Seattle’”! I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Seattle was in fact an American city and that I hate Meg Ryan movies. God bless her soul that lady. After returning to the farm that night, we had some delicious chicken kiev which we promptly followed up with some heavy drinking and chatting yet again. This would have been a good idea, if not for the fact that Vanda and Peter were supposed to get up at like 4am to get the horses ready for the six-time weekly trip to the track!
Naturally, everyone slept in the next morning, as multiple bottles of wine followed by little sleep will tend to have this effect on people. The girlfriend and I were scheduled to pick-up our campervan in Melbourne later that morning, so we hitched a ride into Seymour with Vanda and Peter. After what I’m sure was a torturous drive to the track for Vanda (see head pains), we were treated to some behind the scenes workings of thoroughbred racing. We watched a few of the horses go through various training runs and defecate frequently before being whisked off to the train station and saying our goodbyes. It was sad to say goodbye, especially when we had been treated and got on so well, but as they say in Bollywood the show must go on!
Next up…the road trip from one side of Australia to the other, or as Leeanna calls it “FUCK MY LIFE!”. (Her life, not mine, I love this shit!).
Friday, May 14, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010- Who Needs Friday/Saturday For Partying When You’ve Got Sunday-Thursday?
Well, it’s been an interesting five-and-a-half months in Melbourne, but alas the time has come for me to take my show on the road. Living here for the last five months has definitely been interesting, and if you ever told me I was going to live in such a small apartment with another person (see: Leeanna Lorbert) for such an extended period of time I would have called you bonkers (or probably something with a few more expletives). Alas, my lease expires today and I am currently writing this as I wait for my real estate agent/slumlord to come over and sign me back my bond money, although I probably owe him a good chunk of it for my unpaid water and hydro bills (was hoping he’d forget). It has definitely been trying at times, with no air conditioning during the at-times brutal summer heat and now a barely functional heater in winter, which is causing me to freeze my ass off at night as the temperatures hover between 5°C and 10°C. Never thought some of the coldest sleeps of my life would come in Australia. I mean fuck I’m from Canada for god’s sake, eh! Aside from all of that, it’s been a fun few months here and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
But now, more importantly, the update on what’s been going on the last few weeks…
After not really partying/socializing too much outside of my inner circle, okay just my girlfriend, things definitely took an uptick in the last few weeks. This has in turn caused a downward trend in my monetary gains, but another uptick in the good times category. Three weeks ago, I finally was able to convince Leeanna to come and hang out with some of my work buddies, although I’m still not sure she knows what to make of it. Myself and two co-workers, Antone and Kurk showed up at my apartment after work one night and proceeded to get Leeanna to come out with us as we were having a quasi-celebration for a couple of Irish girls, Zoe and Leah. One had just quit work that night and the other was leaving town to continue her travels/flee Melbourne’s winter. After getting a nice drink on at our apartment with the cheapest wine possible, we piled in a cab and booted it over to Bar Open (some “alternative bar” as the kids call it). We met up with the rest of my workmates and proceeded to drink heavily. After the closing of the bar, some of us still weren’t ready to go home yet so we found a bar that was still in business. Yup, it was the gay bar once again, and Leeanna was now officially a convert. Highlight of the night was me and the girlfriend laughing our asses off as we watched two dudes passionately groping each other right in front of us. That and having to take a piss with Antone watching my back and vice versa. Can never be too careful. Word on the street is that all homosexuals are predators. Either that or I’ve got a small penis and didn’t want anybody to catch on. I’m gonna go with the ladder.
The next morning was a rough one to say the least. It was a holiday Monday (Anzac Day, similar to Remembrance Day) and we had purchased tickets for the big Aussie Rules football game at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) between fan favourites Carlton and the defending league champions from Geelong. Leeanna and I somehow managed to drag our asses out of bed and grab some greasy McDonald’s before heading over to stadium to join the other 72,000 fans. The match ended up being pretty one-sided with the underdogs from Carlton thrashing the heavily-favoured Cats, much to the delight of the fans. It felt very much like being at an American football game, with the one exception being that Australian rednecks (or as they call them here, bogans) have a thing for waving flags of all different shapes and sizes at their sporting events. On that note, Aussie Rules football is the one popular sport on this side of the world that I can genuinely say I enjoy watching. The same cannot be said for cricket, rugby or kangaroo races.
A couple of days after the footy match, I returned to the MCG on my own to take in the National Sports Museum and a tour of Australia’s most famous sporting ground. As expected, the tour was pretty much all right over my head and irrelevant to me, as I am not much of a cricket fan and had no idea what my tour guide was talking about. The one tidbit I do remember is that in the painting of the “first ever cricket match” which supposedly took place in Australia the artist painted in a small American flag. Apparently this was a sign of protest by him, as it is thought in some circles that the first ever cricket match was played between the U.S. and Canada. Now you know. The Sports Museum and Hall of Fame was pretty standard stuff, with a pretty cool section on the history of the Olympics. Other than that it was pretty Aussie-centric and as far as I’m concerned the only Australian athletes that matter are the ones playing on the PGA Tour and washed up Aussie Rules players who go on to become placekickers in the NFL.
The following Monday, things got a little out of hand, at least for somebody as old as I am. After finishing our shifts, Cam and I were sitting around having our one free alcoholic drink that we are entitled to after work. That night, there happened to be some guys in the restaurant installing some carpet, and the bright idea dawned on me that we could just walk into the restaurant and borrow some beer out of the fridge. Fast forward a few drinks and about one hour and the both of us were pissing off the waterfront ledge into Victoria Harbour. With all of our new found alcohol-induced wisdom, we decided to catch a cab downtown to the Rooftop Bar. Unfortunately they would not let me in, as they said I was dressed too “casual”. Since when is beat-up sneakers, an over-sized sweater and cargo shorts not considered classy clothing? Anyways, we piled back in the cab and headed to the one place that’s always open and doesn’t give a shit if I’m dressed like a wanker….the Crown Casino. We had a few more pints at the bar upon arrival before Cam as usual wanted to gamble. We hit up the $5 blackjack table and promptly started losing. This was briefly interrupted by Cam knocking over a full pint of beer onto the felt table and the dealer having to summon his manager to get the felt squeegee followed by a hair dryer. Needless to say everyone else at the table was not amused and went to gamble their money away elsewhere. Cam and I sat there like a couple of stooges watching the dealer give the table the once over with the hair dryer for a good 10 or 15 minutes before resuming our losing ways. After this I promptly returned to my place of residence, a mere four later than I said I would and was rightfully so chewed out by my wife (this was without me even mentioning that I went to the casino!). Pretty sure I shrugged it off and hit the sack. That’s how I roll.
Last Wednesday, Leeanna and I went to check out my friend Antone play/sing/rap in his hip-hop funk band, Unleash the Nugget at a club called Miss Libertine’s downtown. It was good times all around, and I must give props where props are due, they are a pretty solid live outfit. Reminds me of just how pathetic my rap skills were back in high school! Haha. A bunch of my other co-workers also decided to attend, and we had a jolly evening of drinks set to a hip-hop soundtrack. Leeanna thought they sounded a lot like Gym Class Heroes, and I must somewhat agree, although I think Antone’s chances of dating Katy Perry a la Travie are pretty limited.
This brings us up to this week, and as per the last little while, the week started early, namely Sunday night. After a long shift for everyone at Medici restaurant (it was Mother’s Day, one of the busiest days of the year), we had to give our co-worker Mimmo a proper send-off as it was his last shift before he ventured onwards. Mimmo provided us with a shit-load of comic relief at work and was constantly saying “mamma mia!” much to both the chagrin and amusement of a lot of people. We had always tried to get him to come out drinking with us other nights but were never successful. Well Sunday we were successful and man was it funny. A group of us started at the bar next to our restaurant called the Lounge Hotel as our boss very generously gave us an open bar for an extended period of time. A few us made the most of this opportunity/abused it and got right tuned. After they closed up/cut off our free tab (truly awesome thing to have), we piled into a couple of cabs and headed to Bar Open to keep the good times rolling. Mimmo started getting pretty ignorant and at one point was trying to seduce everything with two boobs and vagina in his sight using his fresh-off-the-boat accent. This inevitably led to a gang of guys wanting to knock his face in and the rest of us trying to make sure this didn’t happen. How Mimmo made it home in one piece and on to a plane the next day, I may never know. What I do know is that I awoke the next morning, err afternoon, on Cam’s floor and was the victim of a famous end-of-night Brent blackout. We vegged out and watched UFC 113 (Machida vs. Shogun) before gearing up for another fun night of work!
That brings us to last night and the first of my two send-offs (supposed to be going for some more drinks tonight), featuring the affable bartending team of Cam and Nick. I had to work late, and they are both unavailable tonight so it was somewhat of a going away for me. At least that was the plan. By the time I met them at the bar after work, they were both heavily into the doctor’s sauce and there was no way I was ever going to catch up. So I actually behaved myself and can safely say the most interesting thing I did was try potato cakes for the first time, which appear to be some sort of Australian invention that is half giant french fry and half mutated/low-grade hash brown. I eventually made it home, although I was a half an hour late on my self-imposed curfew of 1:00am (had promised earlier in the evening). Understandably this upset Miss Leeanna as she had to work this morning and led to me finding a pillow and love note in the hallway of our apartment building. Love notes is what they call those things, right? Long story short, I weaseled my way into the apartment and did my best to explain that poor time management is just something that comes with the territory when you’re associating with a male Moreau. End of discussion!
That brings us up to today, and my final shift at work, which is forthcoming this evening. Should be good times! It sounds strange to say it, but I actually will miss working at the Medici and all the interesting characters I’ve met there in the last few months. It’s been one hell of a ride, and not always a smooth one, but in the end I can say it was a pretty decent place to work and contrary to some of my past blogs, I was treated pretty well, always paid on time, and got tons of free food and drinks. So I gotta show some love to the whole Medici crew, both past and present: Cam (Biggie Smalls), Antone (I got your back in the stall), Nick (sloppiest drunk ever), Zoe (section 2, what!), Leah (probably more sarcastic than me), Michelle (best drunk shift ever), Veenu (hands down my favourite Sri Lankan), Kurk (sometimes likeable asshole), Kristen (just babysit Kurk), Ben (as if someone from France plays ice hockey), Rosie (too nice for your own good, be mean), Majd (second best pizzamaker I know), Adam (I think Cambodian was the answer for you), and Mimmo (fuckin’ legend!). Everyone else it’s been real and all the best in your future endeavours…
Next up, visiting my parent's friends and a road trip. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi, oi, oi!!!
But now, more importantly, the update on what’s been going on the last few weeks…
After not really partying/socializing too much outside of my inner circle, okay just my girlfriend, things definitely took an uptick in the last few weeks. This has in turn caused a downward trend in my monetary gains, but another uptick in the good times category. Three weeks ago, I finally was able to convince Leeanna to come and hang out with some of my work buddies, although I’m still not sure she knows what to make of it. Myself and two co-workers, Antone and Kurk showed up at my apartment after work one night and proceeded to get Leeanna to come out with us as we were having a quasi-celebration for a couple of Irish girls, Zoe and Leah. One had just quit work that night and the other was leaving town to continue her travels/flee Melbourne’s winter. After getting a nice drink on at our apartment with the cheapest wine possible, we piled in a cab and booted it over to Bar Open (some “alternative bar” as the kids call it). We met up with the rest of my workmates and proceeded to drink heavily. After the closing of the bar, some of us still weren’t ready to go home yet so we found a bar that was still in business. Yup, it was the gay bar once again, and Leeanna was now officially a convert. Highlight of the night was me and the girlfriend laughing our asses off as we watched two dudes passionately groping each other right in front of us. That and having to take a piss with Antone watching my back and vice versa. Can never be too careful. Word on the street is that all homosexuals are predators. Either that or I’ve got a small penis and didn’t want anybody to catch on. I’m gonna go with the ladder.
The next morning was a rough one to say the least. It was a holiday Monday (Anzac Day, similar to Remembrance Day) and we had purchased tickets for the big Aussie Rules football game at the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG) between fan favourites Carlton and the defending league champions from Geelong. Leeanna and I somehow managed to drag our asses out of bed and grab some greasy McDonald’s before heading over to stadium to join the other 72,000 fans. The match ended up being pretty one-sided with the underdogs from Carlton thrashing the heavily-favoured Cats, much to the delight of the fans. It felt very much like being at an American football game, with the one exception being that Australian rednecks (or as they call them here, bogans) have a thing for waving flags of all different shapes and sizes at their sporting events. On that note, Aussie Rules football is the one popular sport on this side of the world that I can genuinely say I enjoy watching. The same cannot be said for cricket, rugby or kangaroo races.
A couple of days after the footy match, I returned to the MCG on my own to take in the National Sports Museum and a tour of Australia’s most famous sporting ground. As expected, the tour was pretty much all right over my head and irrelevant to me, as I am not much of a cricket fan and had no idea what my tour guide was talking about. The one tidbit I do remember is that in the painting of the “first ever cricket match” which supposedly took place in Australia the artist painted in a small American flag. Apparently this was a sign of protest by him, as it is thought in some circles that the first ever cricket match was played between the U.S. and Canada. Now you know. The Sports Museum and Hall of Fame was pretty standard stuff, with a pretty cool section on the history of the Olympics. Other than that it was pretty Aussie-centric and as far as I’m concerned the only Australian athletes that matter are the ones playing on the PGA Tour and washed up Aussie Rules players who go on to become placekickers in the NFL.
The following Monday, things got a little out of hand, at least for somebody as old as I am. After finishing our shifts, Cam and I were sitting around having our one free alcoholic drink that we are entitled to after work. That night, there happened to be some guys in the restaurant installing some carpet, and the bright idea dawned on me that we could just walk into the restaurant and borrow some beer out of the fridge. Fast forward a few drinks and about one hour and the both of us were pissing off the waterfront ledge into Victoria Harbour. With all of our new found alcohol-induced wisdom, we decided to catch a cab downtown to the Rooftop Bar. Unfortunately they would not let me in, as they said I was dressed too “casual”. Since when is beat-up sneakers, an over-sized sweater and cargo shorts not considered classy clothing? Anyways, we piled back in the cab and headed to the one place that’s always open and doesn’t give a shit if I’m dressed like a wanker….the Crown Casino. We had a few more pints at the bar upon arrival before Cam as usual wanted to gamble. We hit up the $5 blackjack table and promptly started losing. This was briefly interrupted by Cam knocking over a full pint of beer onto the felt table and the dealer having to summon his manager to get the felt squeegee followed by a hair dryer. Needless to say everyone else at the table was not amused and went to gamble their money away elsewhere. Cam and I sat there like a couple of stooges watching the dealer give the table the once over with the hair dryer for a good 10 or 15 minutes before resuming our losing ways. After this I promptly returned to my place of residence, a mere four later than I said I would and was rightfully so chewed out by my wife (this was without me even mentioning that I went to the casino!). Pretty sure I shrugged it off and hit the sack. That’s how I roll.
Last Wednesday, Leeanna and I went to check out my friend Antone play/sing/rap in his hip-hop funk band, Unleash the Nugget at a club called Miss Libertine’s downtown. It was good times all around, and I must give props where props are due, they are a pretty solid live outfit. Reminds me of just how pathetic my rap skills were back in high school! Haha. A bunch of my other co-workers also decided to attend, and we had a jolly evening of drinks set to a hip-hop soundtrack. Leeanna thought they sounded a lot like Gym Class Heroes, and I must somewhat agree, although I think Antone’s chances of dating Katy Perry a la Travie are pretty limited.
This brings us up to this week, and as per the last little while, the week started early, namely Sunday night. After a long shift for everyone at Medici restaurant (it was Mother’s Day, one of the busiest days of the year), we had to give our co-worker Mimmo a proper send-off as it was his last shift before he ventured onwards. Mimmo provided us with a shit-load of comic relief at work and was constantly saying “mamma mia!” much to both the chagrin and amusement of a lot of people. We had always tried to get him to come out drinking with us other nights but were never successful. Well Sunday we were successful and man was it funny. A group of us started at the bar next to our restaurant called the Lounge Hotel as our boss very generously gave us an open bar for an extended period of time. A few us made the most of this opportunity/abused it and got right tuned. After they closed up/cut off our free tab (truly awesome thing to have), we piled into a couple of cabs and headed to Bar Open to keep the good times rolling. Mimmo started getting pretty ignorant and at one point was trying to seduce everything with two boobs and vagina in his sight using his fresh-off-the-boat accent. This inevitably led to a gang of guys wanting to knock his face in and the rest of us trying to make sure this didn’t happen. How Mimmo made it home in one piece and on to a plane the next day, I may never know. What I do know is that I awoke the next morning, err afternoon, on Cam’s floor and was the victim of a famous end-of-night Brent blackout. We vegged out and watched UFC 113 (Machida vs. Shogun) before gearing up for another fun night of work!
That brings us to last night and the first of my two send-offs (supposed to be going for some more drinks tonight), featuring the affable bartending team of Cam and Nick. I had to work late, and they are both unavailable tonight so it was somewhat of a going away for me. At least that was the plan. By the time I met them at the bar after work, they were both heavily into the doctor’s sauce and there was no way I was ever going to catch up. So I actually behaved myself and can safely say the most interesting thing I did was try potato cakes for the first time, which appear to be some sort of Australian invention that is half giant french fry and half mutated/low-grade hash brown. I eventually made it home, although I was a half an hour late on my self-imposed curfew of 1:00am (had promised earlier in the evening). Understandably this upset Miss Leeanna as she had to work this morning and led to me finding a pillow and love note in the hallway of our apartment building. Love notes is what they call those things, right? Long story short, I weaseled my way into the apartment and did my best to explain that poor time management is just something that comes with the territory when you’re associating with a male Moreau. End of discussion!
That brings us up to today, and my final shift at work, which is forthcoming this evening. Should be good times! It sounds strange to say it, but I actually will miss working at the Medici and all the interesting characters I’ve met there in the last few months. It’s been one hell of a ride, and not always a smooth one, but in the end I can say it was a pretty decent place to work and contrary to some of my past blogs, I was treated pretty well, always paid on time, and got tons of free food and drinks. So I gotta show some love to the whole Medici crew, both past and present: Cam (Biggie Smalls), Antone (I got your back in the stall), Nick (sloppiest drunk ever), Zoe (section 2, what!), Leah (probably more sarcastic than me), Michelle (best drunk shift ever), Veenu (hands down my favourite Sri Lankan), Kurk (sometimes likeable asshole), Kristen (just babysit Kurk), Ben (as if someone from France plays ice hockey), Rosie (too nice for your own good, be mean), Majd (second best pizzamaker I know), Adam (I think Cambodian was the answer for you), and Mimmo (fuckin’ legend!). Everyone else it’s been real and all the best in your future endeavours…
Next up, visiting my parent's friends and a road trip. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi, oi, oi!!!
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